Masking 2.0

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Heh, true, that anxiety you both write about can be draining. How do you handle it? I'm trying to kind of parent myself. If I'm terrified of something, I try to figure out why I am scared, how dangerous it really is, and find solution to minimize the problem. Finding solutions to my fears can be very soothing to me.

Hmm, actually, I feel parent/child is quite good analogy of how my brain works. I have sensitive side that just wants to be happy and discover things. And then critical thinking side that is trying to keep the sensitive side happy and out of trouble. I find this relation quite cute. The thinking side is doing all the masking in order to protect the sensitive side from nasty humans who want to enslave and harm it... :3

So now I wonder, how do your brains work? In different ways I guess?

Actually, our methodology is more alike than you might imagine - and you may find that disconcerting when you discover 'why', though I hope not. While we may have different reasons for leaning on the parent/child model, we've both found it useful - and I hope that's what matters. I have dissociative identity disorder (aka multiple personality disorder) due to extreme childhood abuse. I have three alters and they are 2.5 years old, 6 years old, and a 14 year old, whom I refer to as the kids, or 'my kids'. Almost thirty years ago now, we consciously went from destructive in-fighting to Team Us. Since then, we've worked on strengthening the relationships, supporting each other, and yeah - parenting. The streamers are still up from the six year old's birthday party that was on June 24th because the streamers make her happy. The 2.5 year old wants a nightlight? We have a nightlight. They want to color, or watch cartoon or whatever? I cook dinner for them to have it ready by 6 p.m. every night, and then turn everything over to them. From 6 p.m. till bedtime (we go to sleep about 8 p.m. usually) the time belongs to them - whatever is important to them. So yeah, I consider it my job to protect them, although truth be told, they have done their fair share of protecting me too. Anyone who's been a parent probably knows that you are less likely to take risks once your have kids that count on you than you did when you were single.

It was because of their fears though that there is a sign up in our home ( I made it) that says, "We Are Safe". Unbelievably, it was my six year old that came up with the following idea for me - and if it sounds intriguing at all, I'd really recommend it as it has changed our lives: So we quit sugar about a year ago, though that's not the change I was talking about. That left us with a cute cookie jar with no purpose that we really didn't want to get rid of. So my lil one suggested that since the way I talk to myself sometimes could get me arrested for a hate crime if anyone ever heard me, I might consider changing that. She suggested cutting some of our colorful index cards in half, and put them on a plate (with a pen) in front of the cookie jar to begin. Then, every time I had a thought or performed an action that demonstrated kindness, compassion, or thoughtfulness toward myself (as opposed to them) I would be committed to walking over to the cookie jar, writing a description of the kind act down on the paper, and dropping it in the cookie jar. We began about the beginning of the year. The idea is to dump the content of the cookie jar out on the living room floor on New Years Eve and read back all the messages of gratitude that *I* wrote to *myself* thanking me for the kindness that *I* showed *myself*. Within three months, the negative self talk I spout has dropped by at least 80%. For every five sh***y things I said to myself, I'm down to about one now. In addition, I am exponentially kinder to myself than I have ever been at any point in any point in my life.

Sometimes our kids learn from us; sometimes we learn from our kids.

P.S. I wanted to add that I probably head on over to that cookie jar about three times a day on average and so, we expect to have over 1000 of those messages to read on New Year's Eve.

Oh wow, that's real parenting there. Glad you are getting along and being kind to yourselves! :3

Not at all - that is by a wide margin the most compassionate, comprehensible, and relatable description of DID that I have ever read. If it disconcerts people, then I suggest that it is only because their own perceptions of having a metaphorical (or is it?) "inner child" or natural fluidity of personality are more similar to your "pathology" than they are comfortable admitting. Truly enlightening.

Thanks guys! I just started a thread in which I talked about a difficult subject so I was kind of raw when I got here and read both of your responses and now I'm wiping up tears... I felt heard, seen and respected. It's a shame that feeling that way is such a rare treat that it can bring me to tears but I'm grateful nonetheless.