29 Jul 2021, 10:12 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:12 pm
Sweetleaf wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
ironpony wrote:
But isn't that kind of prejucial against someone in a way? I mean if it's racist for a person to only not be open to dating other races for example, then wouldn't it be considered 'politicist', to not be willing to date people with other politics then yourself?
I think it depends on the extent of disagreement. People who have little in common in terms of values will probably not be romantically compatible or agree on politics so it might be something that works it's self out naturally.
It depends on how seriously people take politics.
I find it amusing when someone tries to maul me, because of political disagreements.
Life is too short.
29 Jul 2021, 10:14 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:16 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:17 pm
Misslizard wrote:
IsabellaLinton wrote:
Misslizard wrote:
My ex and I fought about politics.
I'm sorry to hear that. Can I ask what types of topics were relevant?
Abortion, immigration,LGBTQ issues,race relations etc.,The only topic we agreed upon was the environment.He was into crazy conspiracy theories like black helicopters and one world order.
He was a conservative and I’m a liberal.
He was also a narcissistic misogynistic control freak.That was the worst part.
Institutional gang-stalking is a simple fact of life.
Ask the barrister who informed me of this, 40 odd years ago.
29 Jul 2021, 10:18 pm
Sweetleaf
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29 Jul 2021, 10:18 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:26 pm
funeralxempire
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29 Jul 2021, 10:33 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
cyberdad wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
Like the main problem I have with that whole old fashioned marriage, is just that it was always expected the woman submits to the man. Well what if a couple wants to do it the other way around, or if they both want to stick to more individual independence within the relationship. Like my issue is the genitals you have that may determine your sex should not determine your position in the relationship or the dynamic it has...those should be simply agreed upon by the people in the relationship regardless of sex.
Agreed. But these type of marriages are still the most common globally.
Wow. That's rather archaic thinking. Even for my great grandparents, marriage was built on cooperation. Even if he worked and she raised 14 children, there was respect for each other's contribution. Sure, I bet some men were dicks. I bet some women were idiots too. Life goes on.
My mom's mom married the 20 something guy who knocked her up at 14. Her mom made her take two siblings with her when she moved out and was neglectful and abusive beforehand. My grandma was 'the idiot' in her first marriage but I'm not sure I blame her for resenting the prudish, spendthrift workaholic she married given the circumstances.
In think in that time the healthiest relationships incorporated the principals we'd agree are healthy, but understood through the lens of the time. If they were as progressive as we'd like to idealize them as that would mean there's never actually been any need for progress and I think history disproves that.
Healthy ones would have definitely involved respect for each others contributions, but most of those would have still expected those contributions within the roles as defined. To be fair, strictly adhering to those roles involved a degree of privilege (poor people or frontier people were more likely to buck trends than families that could afford to not work with their hands).
When I try to navigate my family tree it's traumatized kids who grow up to fail as parents all the way down, no wonder I don't want kids.
funeralxempire
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29 Jul 2021, 10:35 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:44 pm
29 Jul 2021, 10:50 pm
funeralxempire
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29 Jul 2021, 10:57 pm
Bradleigh
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29 Jul 2021, 10:59 pm
29 Jul 2021, 11:01 pm
funeralxempire wrote:
My mom's mom married the 20 something guy who knocked her up at 14. Her mom made her take two siblings with her when she moved out and was neglectful and abusive beforehand. My grandma was 'the idiot' in her first marriage but I'm not sure I blame her for resenting the prudish, spendthrift workaholic she married given the circumstances.
In think in that time the healthiest relationships incorporated the principals we'd agree are healthy, but understood through the lens of the time. If they were as progressive as we'd like to idealize them as that would mean there's never actually been any need for progress and I think history disproves that.
Healthy ones would have definitely involved respect for each others contributions, but most of those would have still expected those contributions within the roles as defined. To be fair, strictly adhering to those roles involved a degree of privilege (poor people or frontier people were more likely to buck trends than families that could afford to not work with their hands).
When I try to navigate my family tree it's traumatized kids who grow up to fail as parents all the way down, no wonder I don't want kids.
I have a similar family tree, especially on my dad's side of the family. My paternal grandmother got pregnant on her first date with my grandfather. I don't know if the sex was consensual but I haven't heard otherwise. Regardless it was the 1930s. My grandmother's parents threw her out homeless, and disinherited her from a sizeable family estate. She married my grandfather because she was homeless. I don't know if he married her out of obligation or affection, but their marriage was never very happy. I won't blame their unhappiness on gender roles or the fact he worked to support her and their baby (my aunt). I think they were just incompatible. My grandfather was very likely autistic. He experienced profound depression and mental illness throughout his life, and eventually abandoned us all to go into reclusive hiding, when I was five years old. He later killed himself. I can't say there was strict adherence of any roles in this marriage. They stayed together as long as they could. She watched him deteriorate, and watched him disappear when she already had grown children and grandkids. They cooperated as much as they could, given the circumstance. Mental health and pregnancy shaped this marriage, but I wouldn't blame gender roles or say that my grandfather was a cruel husband.
funeralxempire
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29 Jul 2021, 11:08 pm
IsabellaLinton wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
My mom's mom married the 20 something guy who knocked her up at 14. Her mom made her take two siblings with her when she moved out and was neglectful and abusive beforehand. My grandma was 'the idiot' in her first marriage but I'm not sure I blame her for resenting the prudish, spendthrift workaholic she married given the circumstances.
In think in that time the healthiest relationships incorporated the principals we'd agree are healthy, but understood through the lens of the time. If they were as progressive as we'd like to idealize them as that would mean there's never actually been any need for progress and I think history disproves that.
Healthy ones would have definitely involved respect for each others contributions, but most of those would have still expected those contributions within the roles as defined. To be fair, strictly adhering to those roles involved a degree of privilege (poor people or frontier people were more likely to buck trends than families that could afford to not work with their hands).
When I try to navigate my family tree it's traumatized kids who grow up to fail as parents all the way down, no wonder I don't want kids.
I have a similar family tree, especially on my dad's side of the family. My paternal grandmother got pregnant on her first date with my grandfather. I don't know if the sex was consensual but I haven't heard otherwise. Regardless it was the 1930s. My grandmother's parents threw her out homeless, and disinherited her from a sizeable family estate. She married my grandfather because she was homeless. I don't know if he married her out of obligation or affection, but their marriage was never very happy. I won't blame their unhappiness on gender roles or the fact he worked to support her and their baby (my aunt). I think they were just incompatible. My grandfather was very likely autistic. He experienced profound depression and mental illness throughout his life, and eventually abandoned us all to go into reclusive hiding, when I was five years old. He later killed himself. I can't say there was strict adherence of any roles in this marriage. They stayed together as long as they could. She watched him deteriorate, and watched him disappear when she already had grown children and grandkids. They cooperated as much as they could, given the circumstance. Mental health and pregnancy shaped this marriage, but I wouldn't blame gender roles or say that my grandfather was a cruel husband.
My dad's dad's mom sounds like she had autism (and same with those two), she also suffered a mental breakdown later in life which doesn't seem that far-fetched for an undiagnosed woman in that era.
I wouldn't blame any single factor on how any of them dealt with life but I do believe the same pressures we talk about now existed then, it's just fewer people talked about them openly.
The discussion and the vocabulary didn't create the problems though, it's just identified some of them.
