My parents don't want me to date because of covid.

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ironpony
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02 Aug 2021, 4:01 am

I live with my parents and I started a relationship with a new gf but they do not want me to date because of covid and have some arguments over it. Even if I moved out though, they would still argue with me over it because then they wouldn't be able to see or visit me because of covid either. Me and my gf both got the vaccine, but my parents say that doesn't do any good, because we could still be carriers of it if we come into contact with it.

Do they have a point? It's just that after staying home for over a year because of covid, and loosing my last job because of it and other career opportunities, I feel like I need to do something otherwise I am going to psychologically go nuts. So I feel like I need to persue the relationship I want, rather than have people tell me what to do all the time, and I need to do this for my own mental health.

What do you think? Is there a way to compromise this possibly, or do you need to break some eggs to make an omelette so to speak?



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02 Aug 2021, 5:09 am

If you see each other but both avoid contact with others, then you're taking no risk.


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DW_a_mom
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02 Aug 2021, 8:06 pm

Overall, our family has approached the pandemic extremely conservatively, to the point a few people think we've overdone the caution, so that is the perspective to hold as I share my thoughts. Also, FYI, my husband and I are fully vaccinated, for which I am grateful, but I confess I can't let go of the knowledge that rare break through cases leading to death do exist. It's lower odds than being struck by lightening, probably, but it's still in my head.

My son had a girlfriend at the start of the first lock down phase in 2020. He was living with us, and not her, so their relationship during that period was strictly video and phone. Because she was in a household whose approach to the pandemic was far looser than ours, we weren't comfortable creating a "pod." Eventually (about half a year into the pandemic) my son and his girlfriend both moved out of the parental homes and became a new household.

To me, that was the right thing for him to do, even if it meant he could no longer be inside our house, and even though it requires a little financial assistance from us. He's an adult, he needs to have his own life, and waiting for all the stars to align in this mixed up world we all currently face just wouldn't be realistic.

Now that everyone is vaccinated, my son has come back into our home for an extended visit. I am so happy to be able to see and hug him again. We've let her in, as well. But ... your parents are correct that even the vaccinated can spread the virus (it took a while for science to know that), and after this visit we're likely to phase back into something a little more cautious. Most likely future visits will need some combination of masking and testing, but I don't expect to ever go back into full locked down isolation mode. It isn't sustainable, and it is becoming apparent that the world is not going to be rid of COVID any time soon. It's time to figure out how we're going to live with it while minimizing risk.

My second adult child, my daughter, is currently socializing with friends a little more than I am comfortable with giving the evolving state of the pandemic, but they are all vaccinated and she moves out for school in another month, anyway. She spent a full year not seeing anyone out of concern for us parents, and she needs this expanded socialization. But I think visits "back home" after the move will probably have to be more cautious, most likely masked.

If you were in my household, I would want to know how large a circle the woman has contact with, and how cautious she is about following protocols. If she lived by herself, was a diligent masker in public, and did not get a lot of exposure through work, I'd be willing to consider her part of my pod and have her visit, no restrictions. If she already has a large number of people she visits indoors and mask-less, and isn't interested in returning to caution now that she is vaccinated, I would probably be uncomfortable with having her in our home, or having you physically exposed as a member of my household, and would ask you to stick to video dating for the time being. There is a lot of gray area in between, and deciding how to handle it would be a negotiation.

Single adults can't stop living and moving forward with the steps of life because of the pandemic, but as a higher risk parent I also can't live with someone who acts like vaccination allows all caution to be thrown out. I would recommend that you and your parents think creatively about how to create a balance that can satisfy the competing needs; it is not easy. What you need in this situation and what your parents need are not the same. My adult children and I are in constant conversation about it all. I love them enough to want them to continue to live appropriate young adult lives, and they love (and still need!) us enough to not want to take risks that could expose us.

I also think, by the way, that your parents are a little too focused on their own needs and insecurities, and not enough on yours. But don't tell them that; working this out is going to be a much more delicate dance (sorry, "delicate dance" is bad advice on an ASD forum, but I don't know how else to say it).

Congrats on the new relationship and I hope you can work it all out.


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Last edited by DW_a_mom on 02 Aug 2021, 8:49 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Joe90
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02 Aug 2021, 8:40 pm

This is what the pandemic is doing, it's causing people to argue or even turn against each other, because some people are more paranoid than others.

Are both your parents vaccinated? The whole point of the vaccines is to protect people from getting ill from COVID if they do catch it, and also having life return to normal. People can't hide away forever, and if the vaccines aren't a way out then I don't know what will be. We're lucky to have vaccines at all, and surely we are in a better position than what we were last year before the vaccines.


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Aspie1
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03 Aug 2021, 5:41 am

Your parents are in the wrong. Ignore them! It's a cold virus, whether alpha, delta, epsilon, omega, or whatever Greek letter Democrats come up with. Just because George Soros paid the news networks to scare people, to enable his New World Order, doesn't mean you gotta buy into the fear. I thought aspies were above being sheeple. I guess I was wrong. Oh well.

Live your life! See your girlfriend! Have sex with each other! Shake hands and hug, not do stupid elbow bumps! If your province got overrun by Democrats and their Antifa lackeys, drive to the next one, where you can see real human faces and people actually interacting with each other. That's what I've been doing since May 2020; that, and joining a "Q"uestionable social group, who was very accepting of me and highly despises Soros like I do. Your health is your responsibility and yours alone, not the government's.

Oh, and don't forget to vote Republican in the next election. It's the fastest way to end the scamdemic once and for all.



DW_a_mom
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03 Aug 2021, 8:29 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
Your parents are in the wrong. Ignore them! It's a cold virus, whether alpha, delta, epsilon, omega, or whatever Greek letter Democrats come up with. Just because George Soros paid the news networks to scare people, to enable his New World Order, doesn't mean you gotta buy into the fear. I thought aspies were above being sheeple. I guess I was wrong. Oh well.

Live your life! See your girlfriend! Have sex with each other! Shake hands and hug, not do stupid elbow bumps! If your province got overrun by Democrats and their Antifa lackeys, drive to the next one, where you can see real human faces and people actually interacting with each other. That's what I've been doing since May 2020; that, and joining a "Q"uestionable social group, who was very accepting of me and highly despises Soros like I do. Your health is your responsibility and yours alone, not the government's.

Oh, and don't forget to vote Republican in the next election. It's the fastest way to end the scamdemic once and for all.


Ah, Aspie1, the problem with the whole scandemic theory is that it seems to believe the pandemic lives in an isolated bubble of US politics and cultural forces. It does not. Have you noticed the masks at the Olympics in Tokyo? Have you talked with anyone in a different country about how things are there? George Soros doesn’t control the world. Could you really see powers in China, Russia and Europe falling into the propaganda of one wealthy American, who doesn’t even rank in the tippy top worldwide? I don’t seem how your Aspie logic isn’t shooting holes in all the theories you espouse. They fall apart soooo easy IMHO.

I don’t care what you believe personally, but to advocate someone else put their parents at-risk because of those beliefs goes too far. I’ve been dealing with estate matters since my aunt died of COVID. Alone and without enough warning to get matters set. It isn’t fun having to figure out how to put financial and fixed asset closure on someone else’s life. I doubt ironpony wants that job with his parents. I want him to see his girlfriend and LIVE as a young man should, but ignoring the realities of the pandemic is not the right answer. IMHO.

Different story, perhaps, if he hates them and wouldn’t be tasked with the estate work, but I have no reason to believe that is true for ironpony.


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Aspie1
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03 Aug 2021, 9:13 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Ah, Aspie1, the problem with the whole scandemic theory is that it seems to believe the pandemic lives in an isolated bubble of US politics and cultural forces. It does not. Have you noticed the masks at the Olympics in Tokyo? Have you talked with anyone in a different country about how things are there? George Soros doesn’t control the world. Could you really see powers in China, Russia and Europe falling into the propaganda of one wealthy American, who doesn’t even rank in the tippy top worldwide? I don’t seem how your Aspie logic isn’t shooting holes in all the theories you espouse. They fall apart soooo easy IMHO.
The whole Covid narrative was trumped up (pun very much intended) to rig the election. The virus was made in a lab at a convenient time. All its aftermath---the lockdowns, the destroyed small businesses, the massive depression and anxiety, and the lootings---was by design. George Soros paid for it to happen, and Fauci helped spread the fear to make it happen. I'm glad to live in America, where there are still islands for freedom in a sea of government tyranny. I myself partied with my new friends in one of those islands (an illegally reopened bar, in a conservative county 50 miles from me). The only real pandemic is Democrat politics. As for the powers in China falling for Soros's propaganda, the Chinese Communist Party were the ones who took his money to begin with.

Even if you're partially right about putting people in harm's way and what-have-you, despite it being a cold virus, "Q"uestioning authority was the best decision I made last year. The first time I went to a "Q"uestionable party, I felt like I was 15 again hugging a girl for the first time. (Except I did more than hug at that party.)



DW_a_mom
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04 Aug 2021, 12:19 am

Aspie1 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Ah, Aspie1, the problem with the whole scandemic theory is that it seems to believe the pandemic lives in an isolated bubble of US politics and cultural forces. It does not. Have you noticed the masks at the Olympics in Tokyo? Have you talked with anyone in a different country about how things are there? George Soros doesn’t control the world. Could you really see powers in China, Russia and Europe falling into the propaganda of one wealthy American, who doesn’t even rank in the tippy top worldwide? I don’t seem how your Aspie logic isn’t shooting holes in all the theories you espouse. They fall apart soooo easy IMHO.
The whole Covid narrative was trumped up (pun very much intended) to rig the election. The virus was made in a lab at a convenient time. All its aftermath---the lockdowns, the destroyed small businesses, the massive depression and anxiety, and the lootings---was by design. George Soros paid for it to happen, and Fauci helped spread the fear to make it happen. I'm glad to live in America, where there are still islands for freedom in a sea of government tyranny. I myself partied with my new friends in one of those islands (an illegally reopened bar, in a conservative county 50 miles from me). The only real pandemic is Democrat politics. As for the powers in China falling for Soros's propaganda, the Chinese Communist Party were the ones who took his money to begin with.

Even if you're partially right about putting people in harm's way and what-have-you, despite it being a cold virus, "Q"uestioning authority was the best decision I made last year. The first time I went to a "Q"uestionable party, I felt like I was 15 again hugging a girl for the first time. (Except I did more than hug at that party.)


I know you have found community with the Q crowd, and I glad for you for that, assuming you stay away from anything illegal anyway, but look at what you wrote. American elections, American politics, but not even trying to address the WORLD WIDE nature of the pandemic. Pretty big variable that is 100% missing from the theory. Wrong place to talk about it, but how on earth is your logic making that work? You do you, but please don’t spread it.


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Aspie1
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04 Aug 2021, 5:46 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
I know you have found community with the Q crowd, and I glad for you for that, assuming you stay away from anything illegal anyway, but look at what you wrote. American elections, American politics, but not even trying to address the WORLD WIDE nature of the pandemic. Pretty big variable that is 100% missing from the theory. Wrong place to talk about it, but how on earth is your logic making that work? You do you, but please don’t spread it.
Well, Europe bought into the scamdemic too, and their lockdowns make America look like a cakewalk. And their stats could be as overstated as American ones. It's called the "New World Order", not the "New America Order", for a reason.

But that's not relevant. I'm American. I agree with Trump on "America first". What happens outside the borders isn't for me to worry about.

Well, the Soros/Fauci scamdemic and the "Q"estionable resistance opposing it make for a great board game idea. Time for a Kickstarter campaign. :wink:



Last edited by Aspie1 on 04 Aug 2021, 7:05 am, edited 1 time in total.

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04 Aug 2021, 6:33 am

Except for some of the “political correctness,” I happen to like the “new world order.”

Certainly much better than drinking the Trump Kool-Aid.



DW_a_mom
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04 Aug 2021, 5:07 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
What happens outside the borders isn't for me to worry about.
...
Well, the Soros/Fauci scamdemic and the "Q"estionable resistance opposing it make for a great board game idea. Time for a Kickstarter campaign.


Kind of impossible to understand what is happening "here" without understanding what is going on elsewhere in this situation, IMHO. I understand that we all have to choose what we do and don't pay attention to least information overload drive us nuts, and I even accept that sometimes people find comfort or simplicity in willful ignorance, but I think it is important to understand the limitations of one's insights when one does so.

Q is definitely a board or computer game. Involves all sorts of classic game design elements. There is a lot of psychology to it.


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04 Aug 2021, 5:36 pm

DW_a_mom wrote:
Q is definitely a board or computer game. Involves all sorts of classic game design elements. There is a lot of psychology to it.
When you're right, you're right. There's already a board game called "Pandemic". Perhaps I can invent the "Scamdemic" board game. It'll use elements from the original "Pandemic", "Terraforming Mars", and "Settlers of Catan". Team QAnon will fight against George Soros and Anthony Fauci looking to destroy America using a lab-made virus as a pretext.



DW_a_mom
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04 Aug 2021, 7:52 pm

Aspie1 wrote:
DW_a_mom wrote:
Q is definitely a board or computer game. Involves all sorts of classic game design elements. There is a lot of psychology to it.
When you're right, you're right. There's already a board game called "Pandemic". Perhaps I can invent the "Scamdemic" board game. It'll use elements from the original "Pandemic", "Terraforming Mars", and "Settlers of Catan". Team QAnon will fight against George Soros and Anthony Fauci looking to destroy America using a lab-made virus as a pretext.


I think it's best if you create fictional villains. For a whole slew of reasons. JMHO.


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Aspie1
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05 Aug 2021, 8:30 am

DW_a_mom wrote:
I think it's best if you create fictional villains. For a whole slew of reasons. JMHO.
You might be right. With Soros and Fauci being political figures, there are no royalties or copyrights to worry about. But Kickstarter will never approve my game, I just know it. So if I call the villains "Hungarian Briber" and "Italian Frauder", and call the good guys "The 'Q'uestioners", I can have plausible deniability and sidestep the Kickstarter censorship. Hehe! 8)

Then when my board game comes out, the OP and his lady friend can play it on their date night. In person! (I'll also make a copyright rule prohibiting online/virtual versions of it.)



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05 Aug 2021, 10:44 am

I agree with DW regarding Covid. It's important to take precautions. I was in lockdown for almost 18 months, at the beginning of a brand new relationship. There were weeks when we couldn't even see each other outdoors, and several-month-stretches when we couldn't go into each other's home, or go anywhere indoors together. I'm not a good telephone communicator but we had to rely on telephone to stay afloat. It actually helped my communication skills and did some good for the relationship. He couldn't be in my social bubble so we just had to make do.

As for your issue you're a grown man. Your parents should have no say in your relationships. I don't think my parents ever told me what to do or not do in a relationship in my entire life, and I wouldn't have let them. That being said, Covid adds another layer so I support what DW wrote. You need to find a compromise for their sake, since you live in their home and presumably care about their health and best interests.



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05 Aug 2021, 8:18 pm

That's what this pandemic is doing to people. The media and the government have instilled fear into everybody and made us believe the virus is going to kill us all even with the vaccines that are supposed to protect people from getting dangerously ill from covid, and it's all stopping people from doing anything.


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