What's the accepted way of expressing frustration?

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TenMinutes
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02 Aug 2021, 8:28 pm

A second ex-coworker has asked for help, and then ghosted me. What's the accepted way of saying, "that was kinda rude?"

I've opted for the shrug emoji to follow my previous un-answered text. Appropriate?

So tired of being in the wrong when I get irked with people for treating me like garbage.



starkid
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03 Aug 2021, 1:50 am

I suggest that you not bother to express frustration except with people you're on intimate terms with or people who've ghosted you multiple times.

I say this because, if it's someone you don't know very well, the person could be occupied with something more important (without bothering to tell you, an acquaintance). Could be in the hospital with an injury or could have received really bad news and be in grief.

Also, someone ghosting you once is not that big of a deal (the way many people see it). So you could end up worsening the relationship by expressing frustration; you might be seen as inconsiderate or overly emotional.

If they don't respond to your follow-up messages, just forget about them. They may just need more time to get back to you. If the same person asks for help again or ghosts again, that's the best time to tell the person to not ghost you.

If you do express frustration, be more straight-forward than a shrugging emoji. That might be misinterpreted.



TenMinutes
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03 Aug 2021, 8:46 am

This is someone I worked with very briefly. They became friends with someone else I worked with. They friended me on facebook after I left the company. In May I contacted them through Facebook to ask a question about the company and they never responded. No big deal, I asked someone else. But they sent me a message last week through facebook, apparently without noticing that they had an unanswered question from me from May. I already had to overlook that to not be annoyed this time around.

But they had requested help in a facebook post and I asked a couple questions to gather more info on the problem they were having. They responded with the private message I just described, a request for help, an offer to pay me, and their phone number, which I already had because of a common friend and...circumstances. I texted them and they called me. They had business each day, but said they'd call Saturday about getting together on Sunday. That didn't happen.

Monday morning I asked if they still needed help. Monday evening I sent my shrug emoji.

They've posted to facebook a couple times in this timeframe, and they are signed in there as I type this. There's always an excuse for not thinking of me, and with all the not thinking of me that has happened the last year I have not a lot of patience for people with excuses anymore, so I'm not waiting for one this time.

Another ex-coworker asked for help with a laptop a month or so ago. They just stopped communicating and I asked them if they still needed help. They said they had found another laptop. Just hadn't bothered to tell me. At least they answered me when I asked if they still needed help.

I'd like to just say no to these in the future, but that's not me, either.