My ex boyfriend is making me feel uncomfortable

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Crystal1414
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04 Aug 2021, 12:47 am

My ex boyfriend and I dated 3 times and then he ghosted me for a year. Suddenly he appeared in my life again. He wants back in my life but I feel really uncomfortable. My parents feel uncomfortable with me being around him. He also has autism and he understands what I go through. He just has some boundary issues and doesn't listen when people say that they are uncomfortable. He used to stare at me really creepily and I couldn't handle it. Im just not sure if I feel ok about letting him in my life.



funeralxempire
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04 Aug 2021, 12:54 am

Don't let him back in your life if he makes you uncomfortable. Don't be cruel about it but make it clear.

If you're open to talking years in the future say that too, he might have his own s**t to work through and might be a better adjusted person later on in life.


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04 Aug 2021, 5:11 am

And if he doesn't get the message without you being cruel, be cruel.
It's better to cause short term pain than to end up in life of misery.
And some people don't know you're serious until you yell at them.


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Mona Pereth
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07 Aug 2021, 2:23 am

Crystal1414 wrote:
My ex boyfriend and I dated 3 times and then he ghosted me for a year. Suddenly he appeared in my life again. He wants back in my life but I feel really uncomfortable. My parents feel uncomfortable with me being around him. He also has autism and he understands what I go through. He just has some boundary issues and doesn't listen when people say that they are uncomfortable. He used to stare at me really creepily and I couldn't handle it. Im just not sure if I feel ok about letting him in my life.

First, some questions: Is there anything about him that you like? Do you have mixed feelings about him, or are you just uncomfortable with him? Do you see any potential for a good relationship if only he would deal with his issues? Do you have anything significant in common with him besides autism? Do you have any common hobbies, or is there anything else you enjoy doing together? Do you have any significant shared values? And are you attracted to him?

If you do see any potential for a good relationship:

I would suggest that you write him a letter explaining, in detail, exactly what your issues with him are, and tell him that you do not feel comfortable letting him back into your life unless he is willing to seriously commit to working on these issues and/or at least brainstorm with you a mutually acceptable compromise on them. Then follow up on this letter with a conversation with him, and see what happens.

If things don't work out between the two of you, then at least both you and he will be clear on the reasons why.


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shortfatbalduglyman
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07 Aug 2021, 8:57 am

Restraining order



cyberdad
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08 Aug 2021, 4:37 am

Crystal1414 wrote:
My ex boyfriend and I dated 3 times and then he ghosted me for a year. Suddenly he appeared in my life again. He wants back in my life but I feel really uncomfortable. My parents feel uncomfortable with me being around him. He also has autism and he understands what I go through. He just has some boundary issues and doesn't listen when people say that they are uncomfortable. He used to stare at me really creepily and I couldn't handle it. Im just not sure if I feel ok about letting him in my life.

3 dates is not that many times to know somebody (let alone call them a B/F?)

If he creeps you out then I think you need to go with your instinct. You are a young girl and have options so just tell him you have moved on.



Juliette
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08 Aug 2021, 4:44 am

As cyberdad says “Go with your instincts”. Everything you wrote in reference to your feelings when with him, along with your family’s reaction to him = negative.