Should I try to date 'bad girls' in this sense?

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Rexi
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30 Sep 2021, 4:42 pm

ironpony wrote:
It's that I need a certain type of behavior but I feel I shouldn't need that, and that's shallow. So I want to conquer that flaw, and get aroused by her because I love her, nothing more, but is that possible?

You wanna dump her, so i think you need to be in a higher state of the romance for it to actually be true. And the only way for it to work is for things to work out. Now things have worked out once, but then the issue reoccured and brought back the same wishes.
I relate t the lack of attraction with some exes of mine and I still think the communication and her general behaviour and her being more confident in life and putting more limits and dominant in general might help you as a couple. But rn seeing as shes been in psycho land and her abusive ex still has power over her the only way to get her confidence up is time and maybe therapy. Some people are gentle like flowers, it's just in their nature and its very hard to edit that. When they walk in a room, the mood changes. They are very creative individuals and also real easy to get obsessed with/fall in love with. If her aura is like that then I wouldnt be surprised if you instantly sense it to that level. Maybe instead of you, she can go get some therapy for whats going on with her ex in her life. That might up her confidence and mood. And ask her to talk to her therapist about your struggles in bed, if they have any suggestions. Or for her to get coached by a sex therapist for the both of you and come home with some solutions.
But honestly if you cant make time an hour in a week for this serious issue in your life, thats another issue.


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Last edited by Rexi on 30 Sep 2021, 5:34 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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30 Sep 2021, 4:53 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?

Now you are getting all over the place.
That is fine to do, its something that works for you guys. Sure its not ideal or the classic way but its her talking to you and she seems to like to be listened to and talk to you about sexual details. Maybe she was aroused too by having to talk to you that way. You have found a way to enjoy yourselves.

For some guys touching is necessary for arousal, not just watching. And I find thats what guys often miss with the online. They like their digits on the female.


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Last edited by Rexi on 30 Sep 2021, 5:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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30 Sep 2021, 4:56 pm

ironpony wrote:
I can try that. What stimulis should I concentrate on? For example, it seems that most guys mainly concentrate on a woman's looks to do it for them, if that is correct?

Autistics hyperfocus differently. But there is also attraction which doesnt work for you in the same way. If you can find something to nerd about her that is similar to your normal interests, it might work out. I'm not very restrained in romance, i can find endless things t nerd about every new moment with a person. And yet i still had attraction issues, some things i did in bed instead of setting things up for success for myself as far as my issues went with ex didnt let me focus and enjoy myself. Guilt has actually held me back. I couldnt do all that i wanted. And in that i chose to underestimate my partner and give up hope.


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30 Sep 2021, 5:05 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?

if she often wears revealing clothing then it can desensitze you in general to her looks. Spending years with a nude gf will eventually make it that its normal to you and you wont get aroused all the time or at all.


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30 Sep 2021, 5:08 pm

Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, well if I should feel guilty then what should I try to do about this problem then?


I was being disingenuous.
Didn't you see the green smiley emoji? :scratch:

I find this thread amusing.
I find your interest in discussing your sexual frustrations "interesting".
I also wonder why this thread isn't in the adult section. 8O

But I find this discussion hilarious, not offensive. :wink:

Im glad you werent serious about anything you said here lol. I was beginning to doubt your state of mind. 8O Have you been running into catnip fields?


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30 Sep 2021, 5:09 pm

The_Face_of_Boo wrote:
Treat her like a queen.

But f**k her like a pornstar. :mrgreen:

You've got them mixed up. Besides, if he wants a queen to rule over him hes gotta treat her like a queen. Boost her confidence until she starts taking him for granted. But that brings all sorts of trouble.


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30 Sep 2021, 5:22 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?

Oh? Your little angel is actually - a Demon, with giggles of a playful succubus. Might she wear a costume??

Why dont you try to do repetition on those words when youre both not aroused or up to anything? Like actors do before a good play


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30 Sep 2021, 5:42 pm

Rexi wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay thanks :).

Well the problem with me is a I felt my gf is not naughty enough. However, the other day she was really naughty and wild in bed and went all out aggressive on me. I was really turned on by it, and I asked her what made her do it differently this time.

She said she was just having a really bad week, which she was. Her ex has been stalking her and she had to take legal action. I feel bad for her having a bad week, and feel bad about her ex stalking her of course... But does she have to have a bad week, and a stalking ex, in order to be passionate in bed though, or is that normal for some people, and they are not near as passionate otherwise?

shes revenging on him having a great time with you, she seems to have a lot of issues in her life. I'm not surpised she isnt able to focus on having sex. Sex was very depressing first time and very difficult to figure out and uncomfortable. I had massive experience in text and theory but it cant compare at all. It's a true challenge and it comes with massive pregnancy risks.

Maybe shes getting angry with you too or projecting his behaviour on you. Maybe she senses something is wrong.

Is this your wife or a new gf?


I was hoping this thread would become flaccid and go in sleep mode.
You are making it erect again. 8O

Bad Rexi. :mrgreen:


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And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
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30 Sep 2021, 5:49 pm

Rexi wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?

if she often wears revealing clothing then it can desensitze you in general to her looks. Spending years with a nude gf will eventually make it that its normal to you and you wont get aroused all the time or at all.


Indeed. 8)


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Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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30 Sep 2021, 5:51 pm

Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, well if I should feel guilty then what should I try to do about this problem then?


I was being disingenuous.
Didn't you see the green smiley emoji? :scratch:

I find this thread amusing.
I find your interest in discussing your sexual frustrations "interesting".
I also wonder why this thread isn't in the adult section. 8O

But I find this discussion hilarious, not offensive. :wink:

Im glad you werent serious about anything you said here lol. I was beginning to doubt your state of mind. 8O Have you been running into catnip fields?


That surprises me.
I thought I was being consistent. :scratch:

"Laughter is the best medicine." ;)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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01 Oct 2021, 1:29 am

Well others have said that if she is not doing it for me in bed, that I should break up up with her. It's just that we are both in love with her and things are going really good otherwise. This is the best relationship I ever had by a longshot. So when it's going great and we are both in love, it feels shallow to just throw it all away just because the sex is not as good at the moment.

It would be like if a gf was the best gf in the world, but you choose to dump her just because her breasts aren't huge or something like that. So I feel really shallow when we are in love and everything is great, but saying oh by the way, you are not dirty enough in the sack and that's all that matters from you and nothing else matters.

I've been told it's unfair of me to have a relationship with a woman who is not a porn star in bed, but wouldn't she think it was pretty shallow for a guy who is in love with her to dump her because she wasn't?

I guess I just need to understand why it's not shallow. Why is a gf being a porn star in bed, the best quality a woman can have in a relationship and I should throw everything else away because nothing matters? Am I missing why it's so important and not shallow, if other people say I should break up over it?



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01 Oct 2021, 5:43 am

Pepe wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
Is it that you are having trouble getting aroused by her, or that you need a certain type of behavior or foreplay from her to become aroused?


Just peeking under her skirt, would get me going, and I am almost twice his age. :mrgreen:

You're most likely twice her age too.
You're starting to sound like a Catholic priest. 8O


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01 Oct 2021, 6:01 am

ironpony wrote:
Well others have said that if she is not doing it for me in bed, that I should break up up with her. It's just that we are both in love with her and things are going really good otherwise. This is the best relationship I ever had by a longshot. So when it's going great and we are both in love, it feels shallow to just throw it all away just because the sex is not as good at the moment.

It would be like if a gf was the best gf in the world, but you choose to dump her just because her breasts aren't huge or something like that. So I feel really shallow when we are in love and everything is great, but saying oh by the way, you are not dirty enough in the sack and that's all that matters from you and nothing else matters.

I've been told it's unfair of me to have a relationship with a woman who is not a porn star in bed, but wouldn't she think it was pretty shallow for a guy who is in love with her to dump her because she wasn't?

I guess I just need to understand why it's not shallow. Why is a gf being a porn star in bed, the best quality a woman can have in a relationship and I should throw everything else away because nothing matters? Am I missing why it's so important and not shallow, if other people say I should break up over it?

I'd say it's more shallow to break your personal relationship up because people say so. Sure they can try to give their considerations but ultimately they're not experts, or even in your situation, and this is not an issue that's unencountered in relationships and all kinds of people have worked such issues out.

Like I said, getting along and not having a toxic relationship is the healthy foundation of any long term thing and it's very rare to have. You should know this as you've been used to toxic exes.

It's almost like when women say "I can only date/like jerks" or "I'm only turned on if he dominates me/gives me pain" except this is the male alternative. Add in the factor that statistically women are inclined to be subs. But I think you deserve more time to figure this wonderful relationship out and work on the issues. You deserve to be happy in a relationship that is good to your mental. And it's really hard after you've formed a certain pattern to switch to something so different and opposite. But I'm willing to bed sweet r00tb33r it's not impossible. I mean to BET. cx

When women say such things, I know they mean confidence, interesting activities and traits. No woman logically acknowledges that such things would help with that issue. But it is actually what does. And secretly they all want a good man who appreciates them and treats them well.


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01 Oct 2021, 6:24 am

Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
Is it that you are having trouble getting aroused by her, or that you need a certain type of behavior or foreplay from her to become aroused?


Just peeking under her skirt, would get me going, and I am almost twice his age. :mrgreen:

You're most likely twice her age too.
You're starting to sound like a Catholic priest normal male. 8O


Fixed it for you. :mrgreen:

I believe the woman is in her mid-20s.
Here in Australia, the legal age for prostitution is 18.
I will let you connect the dots. 8)

Which brings me to this consideration:
Perhaps he should find a sex worker to help him get over his perverse passionate needs. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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01 Oct 2021, 6:40 am

Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
Is it that you are having trouble getting aroused by her, or that you need a certain type of behavior or foreplay from her to become aroused?


Just peeking under her skirt, would get me going, and I am almost twice his age. :mrgreen:

You're most likely twice her age too.
You're starting to sound like a Catholic priest normal male scary mole(ster). 8O


Fixed it for you. :mrgreen:

I believe the woman is in her mid-20s.
Here in Australia, the legal age for prostitution is 18.
I will let you connect the dots. 8)

Which brings me to this consideration:
Perhaps he should find a sex worker to help him get over his perverse passionate needs. :mrgreen:

Corrected.

Genius. That should fix up all his relationship problems, or more like, rid him of the relationship itself. If he's cheating it's not love, so then we know he was lying, or as you say "genuine" with this girl. I mean, that's worse than a breakup. What kinda prostitute would get down to that level?


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01 Oct 2021, 6:29 pm

Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
Rexi wrote:
Pepe wrote:
ProfessorJohn wrote:
Is it that you are having trouble getting aroused by her, or that you need a certain type of behavior or foreplay from her to become aroused?


Just peeking under her skirt, would get me going, and I am almost twice his age. :mrgreen:

You're most likely twice her age too.
You're starting to sound like a Catholic priest normal male scary mole(ster). 8O


Fixed it for you. :mrgreen:

I believe the woman is in her mid-20s.
Here in Australia, the legal age for prostitution is 18.
I will let you connect the dots. 8)

Which brings me to this consideration:
Perhaps he should find a sex worker to help him get over his perverse passionate needs. :mrgreen:

Corrected.

Genius. That should fix up all his relationship problems, or more like, rid him of the relationship itself. If he's cheating it's not love, so then we know he was lying, or as you say "genuine" with this girl. I mean, that's worse than a breakup. What kinda prostitute would get down to that level?


I just think his priorities are "wonky". :?
Most autistic single guys would feel blessed in his situation.

I find it hard to believe he is genuine, yes. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!