Should I try to date 'bad girls' in this sense?

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Pepe
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01 Sep 2021, 8:26 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well I did tell her I want her to be more dominant and she does it now the last few times. However, she does it in a way that I don't buy like she is putting on an act, but is not really meaning it. So I don't get turned on if I feel it's just an act, but am I being too nitpicky about that?


Been there, done that.
Damn, have I been there. :?

It takes the sexual wind out of your sails and leaves them fluttering impotently. 8O
Frustrating, ain't it. :mrgreen:


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And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


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Pepe
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01 Sep 2021, 8:27 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Well I did tell her I want her to be more dominant and she does it now the last few times. However, she does it in a way that I don't buy like she is putting on an act, but is not really meaning it. So I don't get turned on if I feel it's just an act, but am I being too nitpicky about that?


Perhaps so does seem a bit nitpicky, if its kind of new to her...then it will probably take some time to get more comfortable with it. So may require some patience, in the meantime you may have to use your imagination a little.


Looking at the naughty bits helps me. 8)


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


Pepe
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01 Sep 2021, 8:30 pm

ironpony wrote:
That's true. For example when I try to get her to dirty talk, she just burts out giggling, like she cannot say is straight, and that takes me out of it, just as an example. I've tried using my imagination but I feel guilty, because I have to picture someone more naughty than her then and it feels wrong to do that to get aroused then. Unless using my imagination like that is necessary at first and therefore okay?


We are not there, yet.
I suggest you try it yourself until we get the zoom conferencing thing working. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


ironpony
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02 Sep 2021, 6:46 pm

Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?



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02 Sep 2021, 8:03 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex. She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl afterall.

However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?


Well maybe, when you have trouble getting aroused you can think about her when she is more arousing. Like i guess think of the things that do turn you on that she says/does during sex, if she's not doing all that in the moment. It seems she can get you aroused but doesn't happen all the time.

And idk, about if you should be aroused more easily or feel guilty about needing a little extra oomph. In my case, I find my boyfriend aesthetically pleasing, but don't really get 'turned on' by it. He has to do the things I find arousing to get me turned on, and I suppose I don't find any use in thinking if that's how it should be or not it's just the way it is and we've made it work. I did worry about hurting his feelings...but he was more worried of our lack of sex so was just glad to find out I had ideas of what would get me in the mood.

Also, you mentioned she'll try and dirty talk but break out laughing...and idk could be she's not very confident about it yet and may take some time and encouragement for her to get more into it. Seems she is at least open to it.



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02 Sep 2021, 10:01 pm

ironpony wrote:
Also, interestingly, last night I was able to get aroused by her and we had sex.


Lucky gurl. :mrgreen:

ironpony wrote:
She told me a story, from her past, that was kind of naughty and didn't make her so saint like after all. She didn't tell it to get me aroused, but I got aroused from her telling it and did the trick. I guess I was more sexually hot for her, knowing that she is not such a good girl after all.

No one wants a "good gurl" in the bedroom. 8)

ironpony wrote:
However, I feel guilty needing that extra oomph, and I probably should be aroused more easily by her, than needing extra ammunition like that? Or maybe not? Plus I wonder what she might be thinking of it now, thinking "was I not enough for him just by being in the room, and he needed to hear that about me to get aroused"?


And so you should.
She can do better. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


ironpony
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03 Sep 2021, 12:34 am

Oh okay, well if I should feel guilty then what should I try to do about this problem then?



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03 Sep 2021, 3:41 am

ironpony wrote:
Oh okay, well if I should feel guilty then what should I try to do about this problem then?


I was being disingenuous.
Didn't you see the green smiley emoji? :scratch:

I find this thread amusing.
I find your interest in discussing your sexual frustrations "interesting".
I also wonder why this thread isn't in the adult section. 8O

But I find this discussion hilarious, not offensive. :wink:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


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03 Sep 2021, 5:18 am

Treat her like a queen.

But f**k her like a pornstar. :mrgreen:


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07 Sep 2021, 2:45 am

Well the last two times we had sex, I was able to get aroused fine and the sex was good. But I had to picture bad girls in my mind doing bad girl things in order to get aroused enough. Is that bad since I wasn't thinking of my gf, or should I not let it bother me, and sometimes people just need a little extra fuel?



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07 Sep 2021, 3:30 am

ironpony wrote:
Well the last two times we had sex, I was able to get aroused fine and the sex was good. But I had to picture bad girls in my mind doing bad girl things in order to get aroused enough. Is that bad since I wasn't thinking of my gf, or should I not let it bother me, and sometimes people just need a little extra fuel?


Dunno. :scratch:

Tell us more about your sex life. :mrgreen:


_________________
Laughter is the best medicine. Age-appropriate behaviour is an arbitrary NT social construct.
Don't tell me white lies. Gaslight me at your peril. Don't give me your bad attitude. Hypnosis, psychosis. Tomarto, tomayto. There are *4* lights. Honey badger.
If I'm so bad, pass me by. ;)


And one more thing,


"A stranger is a friend gang-stalker you haven't met yet." Humour is not meant to be taken seriously, yet many pervert its intent.
Truth may be inconvenient but it is never politically incorrect...The Oracle of Truth has spoken...8)


I luv KFC!


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11 Sep 2021, 3:00 am

I don't know what more I can say or where to start, but other guys say they are turned on by the physical part, like looking at a woman's body to get aroused and to concentrate on that. But how do other guys get aroused from the physical so much, compared to a woman's behavior?



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30 Sep 2021, 4:16 pm

ironpony wrote:
Oh okay thanks :).

Well the problem with me is a I felt my gf is not naughty enough. However, the other day she was really naughty and wild in bed and went all out aggressive on me. I was really turned on by it, and I asked her what made her do it differently this time.

She said she was just having a really bad week, which she was. Her ex has been stalking her and she had to take legal action. I feel bad for her having a bad week, and feel bad about her ex stalking her of course... But does she have to have a bad week, and a stalking ex, in order to be passionate in bed though, or is that normal for some people, and they are not near as passionate otherwise?

shes revenging on him having a great time with you, she seems to have a lot of issues in her life. I'm not surpised she isnt able to focus on having sex. Sex was very depressing first time and very difficult to figure out and uncomfortable. I had massive experience in text and theory but it cant compare at all. It's a true challenge and it comes with massive pregnancy risks.

Maybe shes getting angry with you too or projecting his behaviour on you. Maybe she senses something is wrong.

Is this your wife or a new gf?


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30 Sep 2021, 4:20 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well it's just how do other guys get aroused by women so easily? It seemst that according to other guys, if there is a vagina in the room, that is enough to get a rock hard boner, but how do they do it or get aroused so easily?

I think your libido is on the lower side too. Might be worth checking with a coach, professionals, doctors. It's worth it if youre happy with this person. These people have experience with the worst cases, there is hope.


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30 Sep 2021, 4:23 pm

ironpony wrote:
Sweetleaf wrote:
ironpony wrote:
Oh okay thanks :).

Well the problem with me is a I felt my gf is not naughty enough. However, the other day she was really naughty and wild in bed and went all out aggressive on me. I was really turned on by it, and I asked her what made her do it differently this time.

She said she was just having a really bad week, which she was. Her ex has been stalking her and she had to take legal action. I feel bad for her having a bad week, and feel bad about her ex stalking her of course... But does she have to have a bad week, and a stalking ex, in order to be passionate in bed though, or is that normal for some people, and they are not near as passionate otherwise?


Did you tell her that you were really turned on by it though? And you'd like to incorporate more of that even when she hasn't had a bad week? Obviously not the part of her having a bad week, but just that you enjoyed the way the sex happened.

Like you have to use words to explicitly express you enjoyed that, its nearly impossible for neurotypicals to get hints from autistic people, even if you think you are giving the hint right.


I did but for some reason we tried having sex two more times, and she wasn't like it as much, and I couldn't get aroused as a result.

I was told by other people that maybe I am not sexually attracted to her and we should just be friends, and I should perhaps break up with her as a result. But I feel that I am really in love with her and she makes me really happy and I never felt this way about another person before. But my friends tell me that she can still do that for me, even if we are just friends, since there doesn't seem to be sexual attraction.

However, the thought of breaking up with her would devistate me, even if we could still remain friends after. Even if we still remained friends, the thought of her having another bf later, as a result of me leaving her, would make me really jealous inside, like I threw away something great.

Is it normal to think this about someone, who I should be just friends with if the sex isn't working, according to other people?

In such a case people have to let go, itd be unhealthy to carry it on, it's a lie and you will keep wanting to drag it back in. And that won't be good, back and forthing is very toxic and addicting. Keep getting back together.

You have to think about her preference too. Would she want to be friends? Would it be good for her?


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30 Sep 2021, 4:28 pm

ironpony wrote:
Well it's really hard to see a counselor right now because of my job hours and they are so costly. Is there anything I can do with my gf in the mean time, until counseling becomes more of an option?

online counselling


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