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Understanding Tone

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chaosmos
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 19 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 167
Location: Melbourne, Australia

14 Aug 2021, 4:59 am

Anyone here have difficulty interpreting the tone of another person’s voice? I seem to find that it gets me into a bit of difficulty at times.

For example, I often think my partner’s tone is angry towards me but quite often this isn’t the case. This can sometimes result in arguments, whereby I quickly need to rectify my reactivity because I’ve misunderstood.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Sea Gull
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Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 242

14 Aug 2021, 11:45 am

Yes, so I ask for clarification before I act/respond. At work I also ask for clarification, but very rarely and its usually checks for understanding. Work EX) I think I heard you say that you would prefer if I worked faster or got this done sooner, am I understanding correctly? Personal EX) Are you upset about something? I am not sure if this is correct but your voice sounds agitated.


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


ToughDiamond
Veteran
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User avatar

Joined: 15 Sep 2008
Age: 71
Gender: Male
Posts: 11,316

14 Aug 2021, 2:48 pm

No, I think I can interpret the emotion in tone of voice well enough. I don't look at people's faces much, so wording, a bit of body language and tone are the things I've made more use of in fathoming how they might be feeling.



chaosmos
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 19 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 167
Location: Melbourne, Australia

14 Aug 2021, 11:14 pm

browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Yes, so I ask for clarification before I act/respond. At work I also ask for clarification, but very rarely and its usually checks for understanding. Work EX) I think I heard you say that you would prefer if I worked faster or got this done sooner, am I understanding correctly? Personal EX) Are you upset about something? I am not sure if this is correct but your voice sounds agitated.


This is useful, thank you!
I know I can be better at clarifying before responding.



browneyedgirlslowingdown
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

Joined: 2 May 2021
Age: 37
Gender: Female
Posts: 242

15 Aug 2021, 12:21 am

chaosmos wrote:
browneyedgirlslowingdown wrote:
Yes, so I ask for clarification before I act/respond. At work I also ask for clarification, but very rarely and its usually checks for understanding. Work EX) I think I heard you say that you would prefer if I worked faster or got this done sooner, am I understanding correctly? Personal EX) Are you upset about something? I am not sure if this is correct but your voice sounds agitated.


This is useful, thank you!
I know I can be better at clarifying before responding.


good, happy to help :-)


_________________
Diagnosed ASD 5/17/21
AQ 40/50
Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 153 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 50 of 200
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie)
Systemising Quotient (SQ) 78
Empathy Quotient (EQ) 41
CAT-Q 156 Compensation 56 Masking 48 Assimilation 52


mulgajane
Butterfly
Butterfly

Joined: 18 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 9
Location: Victoria, Australia

16 Aug 2021, 5:30 pm

Hi Chaosmos,

I do. My relationship of three years has just ended and one of the problems that led to our demise was that I just couldn't quite understand what was happening in my partner's mind when we were in a serious discussion. I kept reading her face and tone as being more angry with me than she was and when I asked for reassurance she became frustrated with me. In her family, positive affirmations aren't a thing and I tend to thrive on them.

I have just noticed that you also live in Victoria, Australia. I have only just been diagnosed as being autistic.

I would love to learn more about your experiences so that we can compare notes.

MulgaJane.



chaosmos
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

Joined: 19 Jul 2021
Gender: Female
Posts: 167
Location: Melbourne, Australia

16 Aug 2021, 6:56 pm

mulgajane wrote:
Hi Chaosmos,

I do. My relationship of three years has just ended and one of the problems that led to our demise was that I just couldn't quite understand what was happening in my partner's mind when we were in a serious discussion. I kept reading her face and tone as being more angry with me than she was and when I asked for reassurance she became frustrated with me. In her family, positive affirmations aren't a thing and I tend to thrive on them.

I have just noticed that you also live in Victoria, Australia. I have only just been diagnosed as being autistic.

I would love to learn more about your experiences so that we can compare notes.

MulgaJane.


Hey there MulgaJane,

Thanks for your reply. Sorry to hear about your relationship breakdown… I have and continue to experience very similar scenarios in many of my relationships. I’m lucky that I’m in a partnership with a woman who also has a neurodiverse kiddo.

I’ll PM you. Plenty of time in our current lockdown! 8O