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How to attract women despite you have Aspergers

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nick007
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20 Sep 2021, 11:52 pm

Fnord wrote:
Yes, "To attract people, one must first be attractive" and "Become the kind of person you want to attract".
At the risk of sounding like a giant narcissist... I was NOT attractive but I was the kind of person I that I wanted to attract. MOST people would be majorly turned off by others like me but I was generally much more interested in women who were more like me than woman who were not. I woulda loved to have met a female clone of myself.


smudge wrote:
I'm an odd one...the times in my life I've attracted the most have been the times I've given up completely.

I attracted that rich man in Selfridges a few years back when I was lost, heartbroken and didn't want anyone else. I had great competition too.
I got my 1st girlfriend when I was not even wanting a relationship & was at an extremely low point in my life where I was about ready to get myself killed. She had some weird things in common with me & her reaching out to me & being the 1st person I connected with & related to saved my life. However I got my 2nd & then my current girlfriend by acting extremely desperate & frantically searching for a girlfriend.


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Mona Pereth
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22 Sep 2021, 9:00 am

Muse933277 wrote:
It depends on your personality. If you're a naturally talkative, outgoing, or extroverted guy, try meeting women in person such as bars, nightclubs, or social groups. If your personality is more quiet, reserved, and introverted, online dating is the way to go.

Today's online dating scene, with its emphasis on photos, intrinsically is extremely looks-oriented, it seems to me.

So it seems to me that what's needed here is social activities that aren't just social clubs. What's needed is activities where the main focus of interaction is something other than just the other people. This makes the initial getting-to-know-each-other process much less awkward, it seems to me.


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WantToHaveALife
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20 Dec 2021, 4:57 pm

reminds me of a video of a dating coach, i thought he hit the nail right on the head on how men and women deal with different things in regards to dating/relationships, etc. He said that for guys, men, the main or biggest hurdle, burden, is building the attraction, mens dating advice revolves entirely how to get a women attracted to you, sparking or igniting the attraction.

For women, its how to keep a guy or have him stay committed to her, or how to not get used by a guy.



theprisoner
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20 Dec 2021, 4:58 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
for guys, men, the main or biggest hurdle, burden, is building the attraction, mens dating advice revolves entirely how to get a women attracted to you, sparking or igniting the attraction.

True. Men are expected to chase, and take risks.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
For women, its how to keep a guy or have him stay committed to her, or how to not get used by a guy.

True. But the feeling of being used , usually comes after the fact. Funny how, they didn't feel used at first? just like men, women get involved in something THEY WANT and ENJOY. In the end who's really used who? the one who has the most hurt feelings? It can be hard to determine, hard to be objective.


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Last edited by theprisoner on 20 Dec 2021, 5:05 pm, edited 1 time in total.

WantToHaveALife
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20 Dec 2021, 5:05 pm

theprisoner wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
for guys, men, the main or biggest hurdle, burden, is building the attraction, mens dating advice revolves entirely how to get a women attracted to you, sparking or igniting the attraction.

True. Men are expected to chase, and take risks.
WantToHaveALife wrote:
For women, its how to keep a guy or have him stay committed to her, or how to not get used by a guy.

True. But the feeling of being used , usually comes after the fact. Funny how, they didn't feel used at first? just like men, women get involved in something THEY WANT and ENJOY. In the end who's really used who?


thats why i like to view it in this perspective, its only guys, men, who need to know or learn how to attract women, not the other way around, a woman doesn't need to know or learn how to attract a guy or to get a date or get a boyfriend.



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20 Dec 2021, 5:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
a woman doesn't need to know or learn how to attract a guy or to get a date or get a boyfriend.

False.


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20 Dec 2021, 6:23 pm

theprisoner wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
a woman doesn't need to know or learn how to attract a guy or to get a date or get a boyfriend.

False.


how or why so when women don't have to court men or make the first move, ask them out first or initiate anything?



HighLlama
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20 Dec 2021, 6:31 pm

Before worrying about attracting someone, think about the real people you might attract. It's easy to chase ideals, and as easy to attract very malformed, uncaring, or inappropriate people. Relationships aren't the door to wholeness many want them to be.



theprisoner
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20 Dec 2021, 6:42 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
theprisoner wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
a woman doesn't need to know or learn how to attract a guy or to get a date or get a boyfriend.

False.


how or why so when women don't have to court men or make the first move, ask them out first or initiate anything?


Some women will stalk court a guy, so to speak. if the guy isn't interested, or doesn't make any move on them, some women might not take no for answer, wait for opportunities, if they've set their sights on somebody. Women have better instincts on all this. They learn early and fast how to attract. NT women that is. Maybe not autistic women.


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WantToHaveALife
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20 Dec 2021, 6:59 pm

theprisoner wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
theprisoner wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
a woman doesn't need to know or learn how to attract a guy or to get a date or get a boyfriend.

False.


how or why so when women don't have to court men or make the first move, ask them out first or initiate anything?


Some women will stalk court a guy, so to speak. if the guy isn't interested, or doesn't make any move on them, some women might not take no for answer, wait for opportunities, if they've set their sights on somebody. Women have better instincts on all this. They learn early and fast how to attract. NT women that is. Maybe not autistic women.


but theres no denying the fact those women have always been and always will be in the extreme minority, i highly doubt it will ever become more women for women to make the first move on a guy, such as starting a conversation with him first or asking him out first, being the one to initiate the relationship.



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20 Dec 2021, 7:01 pm

It's not a minority of women that stalk. In fact, I reckon it is their nature as social creatures. Women are extremely competitive socially, way more than men.

Social media facilitates this stalking. NT's do it, Autistics do it, everyone does it.

They'll let you know they are doing it without incriminating themselves.



WantToHaveALife
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20 Dec 2021, 7:04 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
It's not a minority of women that stalk. In fact, I reckon it is their nature as social creatures. Women are extremely competitive socially, way more than men.

Social media facilitates this stalking. NT's do it, Autistics do it, everyone does it.

They'll let you know they are doing it without incriminating themselves.


well how often do women ask guys out or be the ones to bluntly express interest in a guy first? that still normally doesn't happen



blitzkrieg
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20 Dec 2021, 7:06 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
It's not a minority of women that stalk. In fact, I reckon it is their nature as social creatures. Women are extremely competitive socially, way more than men.

Social media facilitates this stalking. NT's do it, Autistics do it, everyone does it.

They'll let you know they are doing it without incriminating themselves.


well how often do women ask guys out or be the ones to bluntly express interest in a guy first? that still normally doesn't happen


That's the point. They creep on you to let you know they are interested. That has been my experience as a biological male, anyway. :)

Like you say, they don't do it directly.



blitzkrieg
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20 Dec 2021, 7:08 pm

I don't use social media much. I don't even check other people's profiles on Facebook (I'm not on anything else), for the most part. I barely use any social media.



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20 Dec 2021, 7:10 pm

blitzkrieg wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
It's not a minority of women that stalk. In fact, I reckon it is their nature as social creatures. Women are extremely competitive socially, way more than men.

Social media facilitates this stalking. NT's do it, Autistics do it, everyone does it.

They'll let you know they are doing it without incriminating themselves.


well how often do women ask guys out or be the ones to bluntly express interest in a guy first? that still normally doesn't happen


That's the point. They creep on you to let you know they are interested. That has been my experience as a biological male, anyway. :)

Like you say, they don't do it directly.


well tons of guys are oblivious to when women do that



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20 Dec 2021, 7:13 pm

WantToHaveALife wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
WantToHaveALife wrote:
blitzkrieg wrote:
It's not a minority of women that stalk. In fact, I reckon it is their nature as social creatures. Women are extremely competitive socially, way more than men.

Social media facilitates this stalking. NT's do it, Autistics do it, everyone does it.

They'll let you know they are doing it without incriminating themselves.


well how often do women ask guys out or be the ones to bluntly express interest in a guy first? that still normally doesn't happen


That's the point. They creep on you to let you know they are interested. That has been my experience as a biological male, anyway. :)

Like you say, they don't do it directly.


well tons of guys are oblivious to when women do that


Yeah, they don't know. I remember when my former, 'liked' playlist on Youtube was on a few thousand views & my channel had 13,000 views even though I didn't put anything on there.

I usually have an inkling something weird is going on.