How to attract women despite you have Aspergers

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Outsider85
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16 Aug 2021, 4:29 pm

How does an Aspergers patient attract women or is there a good way to attract women? Also I think that women aren’t into me because of my Aspergers.



Fnord
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16 Aug 2021, 4:46 pm

Here is what I suggest (a.k.a., "How I Met My Wife"):

• Dress yourself in "mainstream" fashion (not haute couture, just "everyman" office clothes).
• Bathe and shave daily, brush and floss at least twice daily.
• Earn a university degree, and find appropriate employment.
• Take acting lessons, dance lessons, and music lessons.
• Attend religious services on a regular basis.
• Read extensively on many topics.
• Learn to drive, and buy a car (or a motorcycle!).
• When a woman does speak to you, smile, make eye contact, nod your head often, and listen to what she says.

Remember, these are only suggestions.  This is also NOT an "All-Or-Nothing" list; but the more of these suggestions you do for yourself, the better your chances will be.



Benjamin the Donkey
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16 Aug 2021, 10:21 pm

I did all the mainstream-conforming stuff (except religious services--I'm not a hypocrite), and I ended up unhappy, stressed, in the wrong relationships, and ultimately suffered incapacitating burnout 6-7 years ago.
Since then, I just act like myself (though I agree, hygiene is important) and don't worry much about what others think. I still get occasional interest from women, but now I get interest from the right women--the odd, artsy, eccentric ones who appreciate me for who I am, not an image I'm faking. I wish I'd done this 40 years ago.

My advice: Don't be annoying, keep (physically) clean, get education/experience in something you're passionate about, and put yourself in places frequented by other oddballs and nonconformists. Just my perspective, but I'm much happier this way.


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funeralxempire
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17 Aug 2021, 12:35 am

Be interesting.


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17 Aug 2021, 1:17 am

Outsider85 wrote:
How does an Aspergers patient attract women or is there a good way to attract women? Also I think that women aren’t into me because of my Aspergers.


Communication
Politeness
Exercise
Dress up
Good hygiene
Being useful and handy around the house
Dance lessons
Getting a dog or a cat
...ultimately
the very condition yields people unattractive I believe



nick007
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17 Aug 2021, 1:44 am

What eventually worked for me was going for women that were NOT mainstream. I tried to seek out women that I had things in common with. I'm not really talking common interests, I'm talking more about women that had similar issues as me & life experiences I could relate to. I also tried to figure out what my strengths & good qualities were & I tried to focus on showing them to the type of women who might appreciate them. In my case I'm good at being emotionally supportive though I don't do it in a typical NT way & I'm also very accepting of women who have various so-called issues & problems, in fact I prefer em. I just can NEVER measure up to typical normal women's standards & it would be as rare as Alex our site's creator updating the forum software if a normal woman would actually be willing to give me half a chance for a relationship & be willing to put forth some effort into trying to meet me halfway with things. I am very different than the typical Aspie though because I have lots of various other disabilities & issues majorly limiting me with employment, life, & relationships & I have very few of the stereotypical Aspie strengths, skills, & special talents that could possibly help me compensate. If I woulda had the money & resources, I woulda tried the mail-order bride route or international dating if you prefer the latter phrase. If I woulda had my own place I woulda sought out a woman who needed a place to stay, getting my own place was sorta in the works but the process was dragging on & on.


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Outsider85
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17 Aug 2021, 3:40 am

I have tried:
Church
Dating websites
Libraries
Going for walks
Renaissance Faire
Going to museums
Grocery store
Bars
Gym


The dating websites used to work, only one did. All the other ones, didn’t



SportsGamer35728
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17 Aug 2021, 6:46 am

Interesting that everyone here is saying to stick with oddball/outcast women. I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls" like this :PImage



Outsider85
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17 Aug 2021, 6:51 am

Good taste. I want a woman who can deal with my quirkiness, me at my best and worst, supportive of me, independent, ambitious, and is honest. Bonus if she likes to get dressed up once in a while for a romantic candlelight dinner and doesn’t mind wearing strapless dresses or outfits occasionally.



SportsGamer35728
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17 Aug 2021, 7:35 am

Outsider85 wrote:
Good taste. I want a woman who can deal with my quirkiness, me at my best and worst, supportive of me, independent, ambitious, and is honest. Bonus if she likes to get dressed up once in a while for a romantic candlelight dinner and doesn’t mind wearing strapless dresses or outfits occasionally.

Thanks. It's super frustrating being too weird for "normal" women but too normal for weird women, if that makes any sense :?



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17 Aug 2021, 7:53 am

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Interesting that everyone here is saying to stick with oddball/outcast women. I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls" like this :PImage


I look at that photo and know I would not make friends with any of those women lol



kraftiekortie
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17 Aug 2021, 7:56 am

At first glance, these women look like real airheads......



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17 Aug 2021, 8:24 am

SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Interesting that everyone here is saying to stick with oddball/outcast women...
Wrong.  I did not tell you that.
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls"...
... but if you lack what those girls are looking for, why bother with them in the first place?



SportsGamer35728
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17 Aug 2021, 8:41 am

hurtloam wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
Interesting that everyone here is saying to stick with oddball/outcast women. I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls" like this :PImage


I look at that photo and know I would not make friends with any of those women lol

To be fair, most Aspie women wouldn't :lol:



kraftiekortie
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17 Aug 2021, 9:54 am

Some of them could be all right as people....and there could, potentially, be much more substance in an individual who is seemingly an airhead than what a first impression yields.

My point, really, is that one cannot tell much from a photograph.



nick007
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17 Aug 2021, 10:14 am

Fnord wrote:
SportsGamer35728 wrote:
I'm starting to realize my lack of success is likely due to the fact that I'm a sucker for trendy "basic girls"...
... but if you lack what those girls are looking for, why bother with them in the first place?
Haven't you been on this forum enough by now Fnord to know that anything less than exactly what some people want & do not want would be considered settling to them


kraftiekortie wrote:
Some of them could be all right as people....and there could, potentially, be much more substance in an individual who is seemingly an airhead than what a first impression yields.

My point, really, is that one cannot tell much from a photograph.
I like airheads but we may have slightly different definitions. Those women look like they may be trendy & stuck up which does not make someone an airhead, it makes em shallow & superficial. An airhead to me is somebody who lots of others would find stupid like getting confused easilly & being kinda scatterbrained but I likely would instead find it funny & cute & relatable.


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