Page 1 of 1 [ 3 posts ] 

Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,194

20 Aug 2021, 1:05 pm

Hi:
I have two friends who are also on the spectrum and though they have good friends who are nice, they seem to keep going back to another friend who is bad. From what I seen, this person:

1. Uses people for money
2. Plays the victim card
3. Acts like a friend as long as the other party does what he wants
4. He lies all the time
5. He throws tantrums

They recently accused one of those friends of stalking them and even caused a big scene when they ran into each other. We all discussed it that they would not associate with him anymore. My friends had even blocked him

I found out the other day, my friend, who this person accused of being a stalker is on "Good terms" with this person again. My other friend told me he had unblocked him.

I am concerned because I don't like hearing that my friends are getting hurt. What can I do as a friend?



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Age: 63
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,398
Location: New York City (Queens)

01 Sep 2021, 1:40 pm

Summer_Twilight wrote:
I found out the other day, my friend, who this person accused of being a stalker is on "Good terms" with this person again.

What precisely do your friends mean by "good terms"? Do they merely mean smoothing over hostilities and keeping lines of communication open? Or do they mean a full restoration of previous friendship?

I would be more concerned about the latter than the former. It seems to me that smoothing over hostilities and keeping lines of communication open, without a full restoration of previous friendship, might be the best way to quell drama, especially if they have common acquaintances who would otherwise be caught in the middle.

Also, do you personally know this "bad friend," and have you personally seen evidence that this person is indeed as bad as your friends said he was when they were angry at him? Lots of people bad-mouth other people in an exaggerated or one-sided way when they are angry at them. So, is it possible that you might have gotten a distorted picture of the "bad friend"?

In any case, it's not appropriate for you to try to dictate who your friends can and can't associate with. You can let them know your concerns, but that is all.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter (new as of 2021)


Summer_Twilight
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Sep 2011
Age: 40
Gender: Female
Posts: 4,194

01 Sep 2021, 3:18 pm

Mona, no I don't know this person and I have never met him but both both of my friends have told me what he's like. One of them have also forwarded things he has said. Based on what I have read, he is drama. Some other former friends said that he has used them for things all kinds of things before dumping them.

Good terms = means they appeared to make up. That said,one of my friends came to his senses and told him the relationship was just going to be unhealthy as he was just using him.