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firemonkey
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22 Aug 2021, 3:13 pm

What do you think?



funeralxempire
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22 Aug 2021, 3:19 pm

You mean complying with a situation we feel is unfair/unreasonable/etc just to avoid repercussions?

Probably.


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skibum
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22 Aug 2021, 3:21 pm

I think yes


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22 Aug 2021, 3:21 pm

I often relent to things because I don't know how to respond otherwise, and don't want to cause an issue with others that I will also not know how to deal with. I definitely use reluctant compliance to mask sometimes.



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22 Aug 2021, 3:30 pm

skibum wrote:
I think yes

In what way?


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firemonkey
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22 Aug 2021, 3:35 pm

I mean when you'd prefer things done on a certain day, but you don't insist so as not to inconvenience them. Keeping your autistic behaviour in check.



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22 Aug 2021, 3:48 pm

I don't mention things that I need/want because I don't want to bother anyone. I think that started out as due to autism when I was a child, but over time became a necessity from trauma. I used to not feel the need to tell people, and then learned that even when I did other people don't care and will put me in my place for daring to express my needs.



skibum
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22 Aug 2021, 4:09 pm

Mountain Goat wrote:
skibum wrote:
I think yes

In what way?
If I am required to always conply in order to be accepted, or if I am made to believe that I am, I must mask and go against my own convictions whevever I don't agree with whatever I am supposed to comply with. If I choose to speak against it, I will most likely be attacked and bullied for speaking against it. When that happens all your life, you learn to mask and comply to keep from getting attacked and bullied.


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22 Aug 2021, 4:18 pm

Not just compliance with rules, but "caving in"?

Maybe.

For most of life I assumed that ...everything in the world is wrong with ME...and nothing is wrong with anyone else.

So if folks do things in an irrational way, or say seemingly illogical things, its my problem, and hafta shut up.

Late in life I have recently tried flipping the script. A lady supervisor I worked would say certain things that were illogical, and would set a bad example for the new fledgling employees. I would point that out to her, and she would just dismiss it.

After having this recurring debate over several months I finnally just asked her one simple question. Her response was to..look down in shame, stare off into space, with her eyes welling up with tears, and she repeated a certain same lame phrase several times. Basically she had a total breakdown and cried...just because she couldnt come up with an answer to my simple question.

The lesson?

I expected her to see the light, and say "by golly you're right. I was just having a temporary brain fart. What I keep saying in front of subordinates is illogical and most importantly ...it is an unproductive way to view the issue in question, and I shouldnt think or talk that way anymore. Thanks for the insight!"

Her breaking down and crying was NOT the outcome I was going for.

So ...I guess that I am still a socially inept aspie. Just a more assertive inept aspie now in my old age. I still cant get what I want from folks the way NTs seem to be able to. Oh well :lol: !



skibum
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22 Aug 2021, 4:39 pm

naturalplastic wrote:
Not just compliance with rules, but "caving in"?

Maybe.

For most of life I assumed that ...everything in the world is wrong with ME...and nothing is wrong with anyone else.

So if folks do things in an irrational way, or say seemingly illogical things, its my problem, and hafta shut up.

Late in life I have recently tried flipping the script. A lady supervisor I worked would say certain things that were illogical, and would set a bad example for the new fledgling employees. I would point that out to her, and she would just dismiss it.

After having this recurring debate over several months I finnally just asked her one simple question. Her response was to..look down in shame, stare off into space, with her eyes welling up with tears, and she repeated a certain same lame phrase several times. Basically she had a total breakdown and cried...just because she couldnt come up with an answer to my simple question.

The lesson?

I expected her to see the light, and say "by golly you're right. I was just having a temporary brain fart. What I keep saying in front of subordinates is illogical and most importantly ...it is an unproductive way to view the issue in question, and I shouldnt think or talk that way anymore. Thanks for the insight!"

Her breaking down and crying was NOT the outcome I was going for.

So ...I guess that I am still a socially inept aspie. Just a more assertive inept aspie now in my old age. I still cant get what I want from folks the way NTs seem to be able to. Oh well :lol: !

And they accuse us of being too sensitive?! !! :roll: :lol:


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22 Aug 2021, 4:52 pm

skibum wrote:
Mountain Goat wrote:
skibum wrote:
I think yes

In what way?
If I am required to always conply in order to be accepted, or if I am made to believe that I am, I must mask and go against my own convictions whevever I don't agree with whatever I am supposed to comply with. If I choose to speak against it, I will most likely be attacked and bullied for speaking against it. When that happens all your life, you learn to mask and comply to keep from getting attacked and bullied.


Thanks.


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22 Aug 2021, 5:25 pm

It’s definitely possible…..of course.

I “mask in order to comply” all the time.



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23 Aug 2021, 1:32 am

It depends. Compliance can be done willingly or unwillingly.

Masking is the discrepancy of one's internal and external states. It can be done voluntarily or involuntarily.


Therefore... Unwilling compliance is a form of masking.

Masking, however, is not necessarily a form of compliance.

Because masking is more of a means to an end with or without prompt to comply -- while compliance is an action after prompt.
Masking can be just a means of compliance -- or the opposite of compliance altogether as one may or may not intend.


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skibum
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23 Aug 2021, 9:46 am

Edna3362 wrote:
It depends. Compliance can be done willingly or unwillingly.

Masking is the discrepancy of one's internal and external states. It can be done voluntarily or involuntarily.


Therefore... Unwilling compliance is a form of masking.

Masking, however, is not necessarily a form of compliance.

Because masking is more of a means to an end with or without prompt to comply -- while compliance is an action after prompt.
Masking can be just a means of compliance -- or the opposite of compliance altogether as one may or may not intend.
Yes!


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firemonkey
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23 Aug 2021, 10:32 am

Edna3362 wrote:
It depends. Compliance can be done willingly or unwillingly.

Masking is the discrepancy of one's internal and external states. It can be done voluntarily or involuntarily.


Therefore... Unwilling compliance is a form of masking.

Masking, however, is not necessarily a form of compliance.

Because masking is more of a means to an end with or without prompt to comply -- while compliance is an action after prompt.
Masking can be just a means of compliance -- or the opposite of compliance altogether as one may or may not intend.


Stripping it down that basically means it's up to the individual if it's masking or not.



Edna3362
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23 Aug 2021, 10:52 am

firemonkey wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
It depends. Compliance can be done willingly or unwillingly.

Masking is the discrepancy of one's internal and external states. It can be done voluntarily or involuntarily.


Therefore... Unwilling compliance is a form of masking.

Masking, however, is not necessarily a form of compliance.

Because masking is more of a means to an end with or without prompt to comply -- while compliance is an action after prompt.
Masking can be just a means of compliance -- or the opposite of compliance altogether as one may or may not intend.


Stripping it down that basically means it's up to the individual if it's masking or not.

Some people thought blending in and masking are one and the same. :o Also not entirely true.


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