They don't listen to me, I don't listen to them

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Allistic wonder why autistic people don't engage conversation very much... but anytime I try to speak, I get cut off, they act disinterested and say "what am I supposed to say to that?" and go "okaaaay" until I stop talking, it's like talking to walls even when I'm asking questions about them. I'm not saying anything disinteresting or blabbing forever... for peet's sake the kinds of things I've chosen to listen to, and for what felt like hours long, to be polite but they can't even manage to listen to me speak for 30 seconds without deciding it's not worth their precious freaking time!!

Then people wonder why I'm quiet, don't share, am dishonest via omission, or things like that. And I honestly feel like autistic children "not listening" is learned behavior from how no one ever listens to them first. How can you emulate kindness when you never see it. I'm very polite and now I just feel like I've been overcompensating for all the rudeness I experience.

I'm done sharing things with allistic people or going out of my way to be conversationally normal or attentive, or whatever else. If you don't listen to me-- I don't listen to you!

I understand that to an extent. There's so many topics in real life that I have little to no interest in, and a lot of things I like others don't. Not that I mind, but yeah that means less talking from me.

I have unfortunately found myself in the situation where I just *don't* share my interests with people that much, unless they show me that they have the same interest. I have been shut down far too many times and had my "This is me sharing with you what I am interested in" turn into "Sorry, that isn't that interesting, but let me tell you more about me" scenario happen way too often.

And I am not thrilled with the result of how that makes me feel. So I just tend to keep my stuff to myself and leave it at that.

...I guess this isn't any sort of good advice or info. Just sharing my own experience with something similar.

Perhaps most people won't listen to you because what you want to talk about doesn't qualify as "small talk". If possible, try to find someone who is interested in the same subject as you, and spend some time with them. There's a lot of people in the world and there is definitely people out there interested in your thoughts -- they might just be a bit hard to discover, at first.

I'm quite keen on egalitarianism, so if somebody isn't friendly enough to bother listening to me a bit, I'll very likely ignore them too. And if they're not interested in the things that interest me, they're unlikely to make good friends anyway, so I see little point in trying to get them to like me. I'll usually remain at least as polite as they are, but if I'm going to be ignored then I'd rather be alone. At least my time won't be taken up by incompatible people, so I can get more done and I'm more likely to be available for anybody more compatible who happens to turn up.

But I try not to be too quick to judge. Anybody can have a bad day, and if I immediately cut them off, the problem can snowball and become something it needn't have become. I also try to consider what I should say - my first instinct tends to be that if I find something that's interesting to me then they will be interested too, but that doesn't work very well. These days I try to say just a little bit and then stop to see how it's gone down, and I try to stay flexible on the subject matter. It's good to consider what the other person might like to discuss, and to look for shared interests.

None of it is easy because my brain wiring always wants to get deeply into whatever subject happens to strike me as worthwhile, and to really talk it through, but not many people are into that, unless they happen to be very interested in a particular subject. I'm happy to do a bit of small talk just to establish open communication channels with new people, but too much of it bores me quickly. I think it's useful to be skilled at replying briefly to other people's small-talk comments in a way that proves I've listened properly. I suspect most people like being listened to. It's not just Aspies who come over as aloof. A lot of people seem to be rather preoccupied with their own lives, and they don't put much effort into being good companions to others. Sometimes I wonder why people like parties and crowds so much, when they seem so disinterested in each other.

i hadda learn to tailor my message to my desired audience. still a work in progress, it is relatively a challenge to "stay on message," and when i drift, they drift.

People still talk to each other? I thought it's all texting now. Ya it seems nobody bothers to listen to others anyway. If you talk to someone in real life or on the phone, they're texting somebody else. If you don't talk to them they text somebody else. If a car crashed or something exploded, they'd pause to take a picture, then text somebody. They don't really do much with their friends. The friends exist as avatars to help kill time and fill in during boredom. The skill of conversation is not so important now. Soon they'll be just like us.

My wife and I are both on the spectrum. We both have a million habits that irritate NTs. She is so relieved that I'm not upset by her pacing or talking to herself, and that I understand her need for solitude. The less we worry about what NTs would think normal the happier we are.