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JustFoundHere
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26 Aug 2021, 11:57 am

NT-like acquaintances a must in going beyond small-talk, and hence most favorable towards developing friendships!



JustFoundHere
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31 Aug 2021, 4:49 pm

JustFoundHere wrote:
NT-like acquaintances a must in going beyond small-talk, and hence most favorable towards developing friendships!


ADDENDUM: 'NT-Like' can mean High Functioning Autism (HFA); that is HFAs who have pretty-much acclimated to an NT-world, and have had (and may retain) some experiences, limitations common with HFA.

Personally, I sense that becoming acquainted with 'NT-likes' is most favorable. Awesome NTs experienced with the Autism Spectrum seem hardest to come-by. After all, objectives to become acquainted with 'NT-likes' seems promising - in comparison to friendships stemming from "chance and accident!



Mona Pereth
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01 Sep 2021, 2:34 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
NT-like acquaintances a must in going beyond small-talk, and hence most favorable towards developing friendships!

Hmm, I don't agree with this.

There are, for example, plenty of autistic people who have difficulty with small talk itself (beyond basic greeting rituals) but who have far less difficulty with more serious, focused conversation "beyond" small-talk. It seems to me that such people might be capable of forming friendships in contexts where the small-talk phase can be skipped, e.g. in a support group or in conversations centered around one or more shared interests.


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Mona Pereth
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01 Sep 2021, 2:51 am

JustFoundHere wrote:
ADDENDUM: 'NT-Like' can mean High Functioning Autism (HFA); that is HFAs who have pretty-much acclimated to an NT-world, and have had (and may retain) some experiences, limitations common with HFA.

What exactly do you mean by "pretty-much acclimated to an NT-world"?

I have never felt that I fit in with the culturally mainstream world and thus always sought out fellow oddballs, of one kind or another, as potential friends.

JustFoundHere wrote:
Personally, I sense that becoming acquainted with 'NT-likes' is most favorable. Awesome NTs experienced with the Autism Spectrum seem hardest to come-by. After all, objectives to become acquainted with 'NT-likes' seems promising - in comparison to friendships stemming from "chance and accident!

Personally I think it's best not to judge potential friends based on how "NT-like" they are, but rather on things like:

1) Whether there are any hobbies or activities you both enjoy, and can enjoy doing together or at least talking about together.
2) Whether there are any common challenges you can face together, or common goals you both feel passionately about and can work on together or at least support each other in working on them.
3) Whether you have generally enough in common to relate to the person emotionally.
4) Whether the person likes you enough to put at least some effort into getting to know you, staying in touch, and doing occasional small favors for you.
5) Whether the person's basic values are compatible with yours.


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JustFoundHere
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01 Sep 2021, 7:36 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
ADDENDUM: 'NT-Like' can mean High Functioning Autism (HFA); that is HFAs who have pretty-much acclimated to an NT-world, and have had (and may retain) some experiences, limitations common with HFA.

What exactly do you mean by "pretty-much acclimated to an NT-world"?

I have never felt that I fit in with the culturally mainstream world and thus always sought out fellow oddballs, of one kind or another, as potential friends.

JustFoundHere wrote:
Personally, I sense that becoming acquainted with 'NT-likes' is most favorable. Awesome NTs experienced with the Autism Spectrum seem hardest to come-by. After all, objectives to become acquainted with 'NT-likes' seems promising - in comparison to friendships stemming from "chance and accident!

Personally I think it's best not to judge potential friends based on how "NT-like" they are, but rather on things like:

1) Whether there are any hobbies or activities you both enjoy, and can enjoy doing together or at least talking about together.
2) Whether there are any common challenges you can face together, or common goals you both feel passionately about and can work on together or at least support each other in working on them.
3) Whether you have generally enough in common to relate to the person emotionally.
4) Whether the person likes you enough to put at least some effort into getting to know you, staying in touch, and doing occasional small favors for you.
5) Whether the person's basic values are compatible with yours.


On hobbies, activities, and common interests: A WP discussion thread (LINK) discusses how arts activities might "break the ice" so to speak! I'm glad this discussion-thread received a diversity of responses.

LINK: Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships? viewtopic.php?t=395602

On defining NT-likes: Basically, NT-likes might best be described as people on Autism Spectrum who are able to find those niches to pretty-much successfully function in an NT world.

As I advocate, I favor acquaintances with NT-like people - on account of having both experiences with High Functioning Autism (HFA), and navigating an NT world.

RELATED: I had reassessed the term 'neuro-diverse,' and compared that term with 'NT-like' - I feel that the term 'NT-like' is a good description. It's best to avoid splitting "semantic hairs" as much as possible; in order to avoid confusion.



Mona Pereth
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01 Sep 2021, 8:22 pm

JustFoundHere wrote:
On hobbies, activities, and common interests: A WP discussion thread (LINK) discusses how arts activities might "break the ice" so to speak! I'm glad this discussion-thread received a diversity of responses.

LINK: Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships? viewtopic.php?t=395602

Agreed. Creating art together can certainly be a way of fostering companionship. If the art involves a sufficient amount of teamwork (e.g. a theatrical production), it might even foster comradeship as well as companionship.

JustFoundHere wrote:
On defining NT-likes: Basically, NT-likes might best be described as people on Autism Spectrum who are able to find those niches to pretty-much successfully function in an NT world.

I hope you'll come up with a better word for that than "NT-like."

To me the word "NT-like" suggests either (1) that the person is very good at masking or (2) that the person genuinely has just barely enough autistic traits to qualify for an ASD diagnosis. But neither of these are necessarily prerequisites to finding a niche in which one can function successfully. (Obvious, famous examples include Temple Grandin and Stephen Shore, both of whom are obviously not NT.)

And, in a world with more and better accommodations for autistic people, more of us would be able to find niches in which we could function successfully without being "NT-like" in either of the two senses I mentioned above.

Furthermore, in my opinion, equating success with being "NT-like" is bad for us, because masking is notoriously bad for autistic people's mental health.

EDIT: If you are going to seek people with successful careers as friends and mentors, it is probably best that they be people with either the same kind of career or careers closely related to whatever career you yourself want to pursue. That's one of the reasons why, in my opinion, one of the kinds of groups that the autistic community needs is career-oriented groups devoted to specific categories of professions / occupations / jobs.


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cyberdad
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01 Sep 2021, 8:34 pm

Well I'm around if anyone needs a chit-chat....



JustFoundHere
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02 Sep 2021, 1:05 pm

Mona Pereth wrote:
JustFoundHere wrote:
On hobbies, activities, and common interests: A WP discussion thread (LINK) discusses how arts activities might "break the ice" so to speak! I'm glad this discussion-thread received a diversity of responses.

LINK: Can Creating Art "Break The Ice" - Encouraging Friendships? viewtopic.php?t=395602

Agreed. Creating art together can certainly be a way of fostering companionship. If the art involves a sufficient amount of teamwork (e.g. a theatrical production), it might even foster comradeship as well as companionship.

JustFoundHere wrote:
On defining NT-likes: Basically, NT-likes might best be described as people on Autism Spectrum who are able to find those niches to pretty-much successfully function in an NT world.

I hope you'll come up with a better word for that than "NT-like."

To me the word "NT-like" suggests either (1) that the person is very good at masking or (2) that the person genuinely has just barely enough autistic traits to qualify for an ASD diagnosis. But neither of these are necessarily prerequisites to finding a niche in which one can function successfully. (Obvious, famous examples include Temple Grandin and Stephen Shore, both of whom are obviously not NT.)

And, in a world with more and better accommodations for autistic people, more of us would be able to find niches in which we could function successfully without being "NT-like" in either of the two senses I mentioned above.

Furthermore, in my opinion, equating success with being "NT-like" is bad for us, because masking is notoriously bad for autistic people's mental health.

EDIT: If you are going to seek people with successful careers as friends and mentors, it is probably best that they be people with either the same kind of career or careers closely related to whatever career you yourself want to pursue. That's one of the reasons why, in my opinion, one of the kinds of groups that the autistic community needs is career-oriented groups devoted to specific categories of professions / occupations / jobs.


I sense it's best to avoid splitting hairs on defining the Autism Spectrum.

My weakness is with social-skills -yet, I pretty much would appear to function with that quiet (unassuming) confidence in familiar NT environments. Basically, I'm seeking to become acquainted with like-minded, quiet, thoughtful, people who want to "break the ice!"

As for social interaction related to career agendas - I'm mixed on this, I feel it's best to keep personal interests separate from occupational agendas. Like minded people "in the loop" are a must - Easier said than applied!

Thank-you for your feedback on how beneficial experiences can stem from the arts. Your location is listed as New York City - there must be plenty of arts programs (drawing, painting, photography, sculpture) which have proven beneficial to adults on the Autism Spectrum. Any specific arts programs?

P.S. How is everything after Wednesday night's storm?



cyberdad
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02 Sep 2021, 7:58 pm

well I must say I am insulted nobody is taking up my generous offer :lol:



cyberdad
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03 Sep 2021, 3:08 am

Chirping crickets again....



JustFoundHere
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11 Sep 2021, 1:51 pm

Acquaintances with people experienced with healthy AS/NT friendships a must!