Ugly Guys Who Are Successful With Women

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Muse933277
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31 Aug 2021, 1:45 pm

Do looks matter in dating? Absolutely! It's no secret that attractive people tend to have an easier time navigating the dating landscape. A higher percentage of people find them attractive so they will naturally get more dating opportunities compared to less attractive folks. It's also the reason why so many girls wear makeup, or guys go to the gym, because deep down, we know that looks are important when it comes to attracting a potential mate.

But despite the fact that looks are important, there are still plenty of average and even "ugly" people who manage to date, sometimes they even date people who are significantly more attractive than they are. So if looks are so important, then how are conventionally unattractive people able to have a normal dating life?

To maybe understand why, I'd like to introduce you to Carl (not his real name), who is an old friend of mine back from high school. Carl wasn't particularly attractive; he was only about 5 ft 4, very skinny, not particularly facially attractive, and was in special education classes as a result of a lower than average IQ. But despite this, Carl was an absolute ladies man who had many different girlfriends from middle school to young adulthood while I struggled to even get a date.

Looking back, the reason why Carl was so successful despite not being good looking was because of a number of factors. For one thing, he was very personable and had many friends. The social qualities he possessed were able to translate from making friends to finding potential dating partners. Secondly, Carl was a risk-taker and was very bold when it came to women. If he liked a girl, he wouldn't chicken out or sit around and worry about everything that could go wrong, he would almost always walk up to her and try to get her number. Yes, he would get rejected but that didn't seem to phase him, but other times, some girls actually liked his bold behavior and that's how he was able to get the success he wanted. Thirdly, he had realistic standards. Don't get me wrong, Carl did date some attractive girls, but he was also okay with dating women who weren't that attractive who other guys would normally overlook.

So in a nutshell, he was personable, bold, and had realistic standards, and that's how he was able to get many women to give him a chance.


I'm sure there are other ways that "ugly" guys can be successful with women but this was just one example I thought of from my old friend Carl.



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31 Aug 2021, 4:20 pm

Looks are most consequential early on. In the first 5 minutes of meeting someone. This is because the other person knows nothing about you aside from how you look. But as they get time to know you, personality and romantic chemistry are what truly matter.

In places which revolve around only brief interactions with totals strangers (i.e. bars, clubs, online dating), looks matter a lot. But in social circles where you have repeated contact with someone, you see each other multiple times and have the time to get to know each other, personality matters.



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31 Aug 2021, 4:44 pm

Your example of Carl is very inspiring.

Muse933277 wrote:
1) he was very personable and had many friends.
2) If he liked a girl, he would almost always walk up to her and try to get her number.


Both of these points are important. You need to put yourself out there. People meet other people through mutual friends. Going to social events and knowing people gives you more opportunities.

Even if an less attractive person has a lower success rate than an average, if they put themselves out there a lot and talk to women, they'll get more dates than a better looking person who is shy or not very social.

A person with a 15% success rate who meets 100 women will have more dates than someone with a 30% success rate who only meets 5 women.



funeralxempire
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31 Aug 2021, 4:54 pm

But all of the people who present themselves as authorities on here keep insisting that this can't possibly happen.
Are you telling me that what they claim isn't reflective of how things work in the real world? :chin:


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Muse933277
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31 Aug 2021, 10:52 pm

funeralxempire wrote:
But all of the people who present themselves as authorities on here keep insisting that this can't possibly happen.
Are you telling me that what they claim isn't reflective of how things work in the real world? :chin:




I'm just saying that there are plenty of ugly guys with girlfriends, even ugly guys with girlfriends that are much more attractive than they are. So something must be up that is causing less than attractive guys to manage to at least find one girl who's willing to date them.



Muse933277
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31 Aug 2021, 11:23 pm

Some more examples of ugly guys who manage to be successful with women:


1. Dave was a former roommate of mine. Although not super ugly, he was pretty average in appearance. He was also very quiet, introverted, a bit moody and high strung, and honestly holed up in his room most of the time doing nothing. Despite this, he had a few different girlfriends throughout my time living with him. Why? Because he was persistent. He signed up for all sorts of online dating sites and messages all sorts of different women. Yes he didn't get a lot of matches and probably got left on read a lot, but he kept going and didn't let rejection phase him like it would with many other guys. He also signed up for niche dating sites such as GroupMe, Whispr, Snapchat, etc.... and talked to girls on there. Also, it helps that he had lower standards when it came to physical appearance. He dated "ugly" girls that many guys would automatically overlook, and yes most of the girls he dated weren't that conventionally attractive.


2. I know another guy named Jared who wasn't very attractive. He was overweight, had long and unkempt hair, and had bad acne. But what Jared did have going for him was that he was a very extroverted and outgoing kind of guy. He was also naturally funny and he was in improv and stand up comedy clubs throughout college and was quite good at it. So despite not being very attractive, he made up for it with his naturally funny and extroverted personality, and he had a certain charisma about him that drew people into him, so this is why he didn't struggle with women like some other ugly guys did.



3. Finally, i'd like to talk about Jane and Harry. Jane was this naturally very attractive blonde girl. She rarely worked out, didn't eat the healthiest, but still managed to stay skinny and look like a solid 8 or 9. In addition, she was a computer science major and super into video games. So not only was she naturally hot, but she was a big time geek and gamer. You would think that a girl like that would be super picky and date some 6 ft tall hunk. Nope. Her husband, Harry, was not very conventionally attractive. He wasn't tall, was clearly overweight, and not that facially attractive, and from what I can tell, they're happy together. The man hit the 1 in 1 million lottery with this girl. Not only is she naturally very attractive and into video games, but she's also very nice and seems level headed.





So the point of all of this is that you can be average or even ugly and still be successful with women. You don't need to be good looking. Does it help? Yes. But it's not needed.



funeralxempire
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01 Sep 2021, 1:07 am

Muse933277 wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
But all of the people who present themselves as authorities on here keep insisting that this can't possibly happen.
Are you telling me that what they claim isn't reflective of how things work in the real world? :chin:




I'm just saying that there are plenty of ugly guys with girlfriends, even ugly guys with girlfriends that are much more attractive than they are. So something must be up that is causing less than attractive guys to manage to at least find one girl who's willing to date them.


I agree. I've been saying for awhile that charisma matters at least as much as looks.


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cyberdad
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01 Sep 2021, 1:37 am

Muse933277 wrote:
it helps that he had lower standards when it came to physical appearance. He dated "ugly" girls that many guys would automatically overlook, and yes most of the girls he dated weren't that conventionally attractive. .

He's being sensible, playing the odds. Not aiming to punch above his weight.

Muse933277 wrote:
3. Finally, i'd like to talk about Jane and Harry. Jane was this naturally very attractive blonde girl. She rarely worked out, didn't eat the healthiest, but still managed to stay skinny and look like a solid 8 or 9. In addition, she was a computer science major and super into video games. So not only was she naturally hot, but she was a big time geek and gamer. You would think that a girl like that would be super picky and date some 6 ft tall hunk. Nope. Her husband, Harry, was not very conventionally attractive. He wasn't tall, was clearly overweight, and not that facially attractive, and from what I can tell, they're happy together. The man hit the 1 in 1 million lottery with this girl. Not only is she naturally very attractive and into video games, but she's also very nice and seems level headed.
.


Harry and Jane both have common interests which helps here. I took my daughter to a comicon event in Melbourne around Dec 2019 and saw hundreds of geeks/nerds dressed up as their favourite character, What stuck me was the number of really hot girls in sexy outfits apparently with these nerds (stereotypically overweight short males with glasses. a goatee beard and some t-shirt with a a nerdy cliche). It was so common I started to think I was in some type of reality TV show,



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01 Sep 2021, 1:42 am

The first 29 years of my life seemed to imply that I wasn't (and might still not) be very attractive, but I have managed to be married to someone for 21 years who people describe as being above average in attractiveness, who is in good physical shape and has a great job in the wellness field. I also had a 18 month relationship before that with someone who was rather attractive. It isn't that I have any "game", I am thoroughly a beta male.



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03 Sep 2021, 3:44 am

Don't you mean *rich* ugly guys who are successful with women? :scratch: :mrgreen:



kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2021, 9:14 am

Yep....it goes to show.

The worse thing a person could do is believe in garbage theories about how women only like the "top 20%" of guys or whatever.

I believe you're onto something, Muse. You've done a good job at dispelling the stupid myths.



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03 Sep 2021, 9:26 am

It does not take wealth alone to make a man attractive, but it certainly takes more than looks alone.  It is enough for an ordinary man to attract long-term romantic interest if he earns a salary that covers his expenses and allows for a moderate amount of recreational/social activity.  There are other factors, of course.


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Muse933277
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03 Sep 2021, 5:06 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep....it goes to show.

The worse thing a person could do is believe in garbage theories about how women only like the "top 20%" of guys or whatever.



That's true on Tinder though.

The top 20% of guys are getting the majority of the matches, while the bottom 80% are struggling to get anywhere. That's why a lot of guys think Tinder sucks.

Tinder works best for men who are an 8 or up. If you're a 6 or 7, you can still be successful with some work and effort and maybe even some luck. If you're a 4 or lower, don't bother signing up, Tinder isn't made for below average looking guys.



kraftiekortie
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03 Sep 2021, 5:43 pm

I'm glad Tinder isn't the only option for guys and gals......



XFilesGeek
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03 Sep 2021, 6:59 pm

So...

One of the biggest factors in social success is having good social skills? I absolutely agree.

An average dude who is smooth with the ladies is going to have better long-term success than a handsome man who comes across as a creeper.


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Pepe
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04 Sep 2021, 1:24 am

kraftiekortie wrote:
Yep....it goes to show.

The worse thing a person could do is believe in garbage theories about how women only like the "top 20%" of guys or whatever.

I believe you're onto something, Muse. You've done a good job at dispelling the stupid myths.


Mate, mate selection predominantly revolves around finding someone to reproduce with.
Bringing children into the world that have advantages is a primary concern.
If you have a problem with that concept, talk to your maker. 8)



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