Should I tell my Son and Daughte/r they might be Aspie too

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Stlsrms
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01 Sep 2021, 3:59 pm

I am new but I am putting together all the quirks I have and habits and signs I have Aspergers, or have had it all my life. I went through quite a time not knowing anything about why I do what I do. Say things the way I do, or react to things the way I do. I have been called many unpleasant things since I act differently. My Son and Daughter seem to have the same traits as me. They are too old now 31 and 27 to be called kids, but they do not know nor does anyone else in my family who have all the signs as I do only they self medicate with drinking. I gave up drinking because of the way it made me feel, I was different for doing that, but knew it was for the better, but the family refuses to believe they have an alcohol problem, if I tell them what they might have they will not believe it. They are all older siblings and I am 65. Should I keep my Aspie to myself, the family is fine with singling me out when I told them I have panic disorder, telling them it is Apergers they will also deny. I think it would be good to let my kids know but then again maybe not. I am confused and lost. :roll:



Fenn
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01 Sep 2021, 5:14 pm

Being on the spectrum is a personal thing. Some people find this self knowledge helpful, some find it hurtful.


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magz
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02 Sep 2021, 3:23 am

I'd say, no rush. If the whole family uses alcohol for coping, there are likely multiple psychological and social mechanisms running to keep things the way they are and your "rocking the boat" can be met with very, very bad reactions.

I think AA has a lot of useful advice on how to deal with alcoholic family members.


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Fenn
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02 Sep 2021, 10:09 am

^ Also CR, CODA, Al-anon and Adult-Children

https://www.celebraterecovery.com/

https://coda.org/

https://al-anon.org/

https://adultchildren.org/


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ADHD-I(diagnosed) ASD-HF(diagnosed)
RDOS scores - Aspie score 131/200 - neurotypical score 69/200 - very likely Aspie


Steve1963
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02 Sep 2021, 10:11 am

Don't take this as advice on whether to tell them or not, but for me personally, I wish I had found out way before I turned 55. My life would have made more sense...



Ettina
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04 Oct 2021, 8:03 am

I'd say, don't tell them that you think they're autistic, but tell them you're autistic and what that explains about you. If they draw a parallel "but I do that too!" then you can say "well, maybe you're autistic, too".