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VagabondAstronomer
Blue Jay
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Joined: 29 Jan 2010
Age: 62
Gender: Male
Posts: 81
Location: Maryland

01 Sep 2021, 11:29 pm

Good Evening Everybody,
It's been a very long time since I've been here. The past three years have been terrible, the past ten months even more so. I had multiple family members pass away in a very short time.
On the first day of November last year, my Mother died in front of me, quite unexpectedly.
And it's been like that. I'm disabled, and am slowly starting to find my footing again, and it is as if people, in their urge to help, are making matters worse.
For instance, my counselor, whom I assumed was aware I had severe social anxiety, thinks I need either a part time job or to do volunteering.
My sister, whom I live with, has also started making the same suggestions, adding it isn't healthy for someone to be a recluse.
They think they're helping. What they are doing is making me more anxious.
Why this sudden push?
I don't get it.
It is not as if I do nothing. I don't. There are numerous things I do during the daytime to keep my mind and body busy (I have to get some exercise, though I have to be careful due to health problems). As a volunteer I do a daily sunspot count for two different science organizations. I just got invited to join another team of astronomers involved in work with older style telescopes as part of a sunspot history study.
I drive my sister's kids to school. I pick them up.
I care for the farm animals here.
I was preparing to start attending church again.
And that's about all I can handle, based upon past experience.
Yet for some reason, I feel as though they think I am not doing enough.
I worked for more than three decades, and the last few years at work became hellish for me as the mental difficulties mounted. I was diagnosed after I left the work force.
I'm just tired.
And I wish I could get them to understand. Pushing me is bound to backfire.



timf
Veteran
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Joined: 25 Oct 2013
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,040

02 Sep 2021, 6:22 am

They may not even know that you feel anxiety or that you feel they are pushing you.

If you let them know that they are causing you the anxiety you hope to avoid, they might be willing to negotiate.

If they seem to consider the strides you are presently making insufficient, you might negotiate a single event experiment to see if the additional social "load" can be tolerated.

They may not appreciate that progress can be made, but in small steps. One way to reduce anxiety foisted upon you by others is to get better at communicating your discomfort.



Double Retired
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Joined: 31 Jul 2020
Age: 69
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,243
Location: U.S.A.         (Mid-Atlantic)

02 Sep 2021, 10:27 pm

Retirement is nice, isn't it! I might not look like I'm doing much but I am happy.


_________________
When diagnosed I bought champagne!
I finally knew why people were strange.


idntonkw
Velociraptor
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Joined: 29 Apr 2020
Age: 37
Posts: 477
Location: Boston

03 Sep 2021, 4:42 am

VagabondAstronomer wrote:
Good Evening Everybody,
It's been a very long time since I've been here. The past three years have been terrible, the past ten months even more so. I had multiple family members pass away in a very short time.
On the first day of November last year, my Mother died in front of me, quite unexpectedly.
And it's been like that. I'm disabled, and am slowly starting to find my footing again, and it is as if people, in their urge to help, are making matters worse.
For instance, my counselor, whom I assumed was aware I had severe social anxiety, thinks I need either a part time job or to do volunteering.
My sister, whom I live with, has also started making the same suggestions, adding it isn't healthy for someone to be a recluse.
They think they're helping. What they are doing is making me more anxious.
Why this sudden push?
I don't get it.
It is not as if I do nothing. I don't. There are numerous things I do during the daytime to keep my mind and body busy (I have to get some exercise, though I have to be careful due to health problems). As a volunteer I do a daily sunspot count for two different science organizations. I just got invited to join another team of astronomers involved in work with older style telescopes as part of a sunspot history study.
I drive my sister's kids to school. I pick them up.
I care for the farm animals here.
I was preparing to start attending church again.
And that's about all I can handle, based upon past experience.
Yet for some reason, I feel as though they think I am not doing enough.
I worked for more than three decades, and the last few years at work became hellish for me as the mental difficulties mounted. I was diagnosed after I left the work force.
I'm just tired.
And I wish I could get them to understand. Pushing me is bound to backfire.


It's 'stressful criticism' and 'directions to do things you can't' which makes it a waste of your time/energy/attention and frustrates you.. my dad does it all the time, I can't talk to him because of it