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CinderashAutomaton
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

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Joined: 11 Jun 2021
Age: 38
Gender: Male
Posts: 203
Location: Canada

02 Dec 2021, 3:10 pm

My meltdowns typically consisted of me briefly yelling in anger to express the problem and severity of it (IRL I almost never attack anyone in any form that isn't play-oriented, including arguments with raised voices), then just isolating and attempting to distract myself until it passes.

Since my late 20's, though, after self-isolating

my meltdowns typically consisted of mind attacking itself as it attempted to find a way to deal with things. It would literally feel like my brain was eating itself, and that things were breaking and/or I lost something but was unsure of what since I know of no way to sense what or figure it out.

Eventually my meltdowns got smaller in intensity and duration as I learned more effective ways to prevent it from getting to the point I just mentioned, though the 'mind-attacking-itself' phenomenon still persisted, turning into more of a non-meltdown passive phenomenon that pops up now and then when I encounter situations I don't know how to deal with. It feels more like there are several personalities trying to impose their will, and I the self-aware part that remembers, suffer their war.


Now, for the most part, meltdowns are almost non-existent since I learned enough techniques to circumvent an episode. A few things though: Not all methods are necessarily healthy.
I'm just avoiding meltdowns at all costs. So long as the method causes less mental damage, I'll employ it. Also, I have some form of PTSD attached to related matters so I'm just talking about what feels okay to talk about. I'll not say anything more on the matter.


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Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.