Home is the same for all despite in spite of motivations and

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Mlano56799
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 7 Sep 2021
Age: 28
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: NorCal Bay

07 Sep 2021, 6:04 am

Love is like a home we all need it for different and opposite reasons. Even though we are different from the start, we all relatively end the same. I've spent countless time observing normal groups and couples frequently being jealous, then fascinated the only real relationship I've ever had was my wife of 5 years now who i asked to marry me after only 1 month of our relationship. I'm starting to wonder why communication is so extraordinarily impossible for me except in extremely specific isolated or unique circumstances. I was telling my dad today I can perceive people's emotions usually more than they understand mine. In fact other than my wife, I've never felt very understood by anyone. I'm 26 and our son is almost 3. This only started recently when I noticed normal people telling me how easy their life is. I always assumed everyone struggled. My wife and I are getting divorced because our mental health conditions are truly explosive together our ability to fight while working together simultaneously is incredible. I still love her but we've been separated 1 year and she just had another son with the Korean engineer i set her up with. I use massive amounts of marijuana for over half my life now I've been growing cannabis since my parents let me at 13. I have ADHD extremely, and take a lot of Adderall with strattera with caffeine Albuterol inhalers for off label use and whatever I think is interesting, I'm a pharmacologist amateur researcher and super obsessed with chemistry education in general. Lol so I joined the Mormons last year because and only because their women are totally gorgeous and nice to me. I have no bad intentions except getting another wife to have lots of kids with but I just completely disagree with their drug philosophy so much that I just ignore it and accept it as the price of attractive women. I've gone without cannabis many times for months and it's truly horrible. Cannabis literally cures most cancers, and makes you smarter. The misconception of cannabis users having any problems due to cannabis itself is simply wrong on every level, but related to the fact of criminalization and illegal drug users being more exposed to black markets. It's ONLY the OTHER things people do and use that is bad. I've proven this and I'm happy to teach anyone who thinks otherwise. But illustrating the fact I've never even almost slightly been able to fit in any group, is I'm the most extreme prescription and recreational drug use supporter, I'm a radical libertarian supporting complete drug legalization, but the only people and sexually attractive women are from the most opposite seeming places relative to my general lifestyle. I've started building many groups and still struggle to participate in simple communication, within the very groups i founded. My primary group of friends, are old people who are extremely wealthy, but they're not who i want. I feel trapped and lost in how to start improving romantic communication when I'm having the biggest explosive career growth ever in my life now directly from my nontraditional perspective. I don't know how to balance my work life with romance because they'll both consume all my attention. My fear is I'll have to focus on work for the next 5 years till I'm rich then go dating but I'm getting old so fast and I need. Someone to love now, I'm aging so rapidly from my workaholic life I'm losing the ability to enjoy simple things i did before because of my PTSD from the horrors of poverty and violence. I've been thinking how i know everyone loves me, and they try but I've never felt really understood by others. I've been doing activities which suit me with little verbal communication but body language
Such as dance or yoga, but I feel like I'm missing what I could do more to accelerate this.