Ever been judged by another autistic/aspie?

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Erjoy29
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07 Sep 2021, 6:01 pm

How did it feel?

I was judged by a few others. They were the very higher functioning ones. I would’ve thought they’d be more accepting because they have the same condition as me. It felt worse than being judged by a neurotypical. I think they already know I’m trying my very hardest to mask/act neurotypical.



Last edited by Erjoy29 on 07 Sep 2021, 10:58 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Joe90
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07 Sep 2021, 6:03 pm

The same as it would if an NT judges me. Aspies are entitled to judge too. We're all humans.


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kraftiekortie
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07 Sep 2021, 6:10 pm

Sometimes, people are "judged" because of the problems of the "judger," not the "judgee."

If somebody wants to judge me, they better come up with evidence. Just saying I'm this and that doesn't cut it.



Joe90
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07 Sep 2021, 6:14 pm

I admit I don't like being judged, and most people don't, but we all do it sometimes. Just best not to judge to people's faces. At least what I don't know can't hurt me.


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07 Sep 2021, 7:16 pm

I certainly have been judged harshly, but I don’t feel like I “fit in” or “belong” even with others on the autism spectrum, so it doesn’t feel any different to me. I learned pretty quickly that having the same diagnosis does not necessarily mean that we are all that similar or will understand each other any better. But I’m probably “moderate-functioning” instead of “high-functioning” despite my official diagnosis being Asperger’s (I was diagnosed before the functioning levels were really a thing and had no speech delay). Most of the people I know are “high-functioning,” and their worlds are entirely alien to me.

And as an added bonus, I also have social phobia, so I’m extremely self-conscious and always highly worried about people judging me :roll:

*Standard disclaimer, I know there is a lot of dispute about using “functioning levels” and do not claim to know where any lines should be drawn, but I can’t think of a better way to give a quick but adequate idea of how very different I am from most other autistic people I encounter.

*Also I fully agree with Joe90, judging is perfectly natural, it’s just usually best to keep negative judgments to oneself.


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07 Sep 2021, 8:10 pm

yes.
don't really know why
felt bad


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Dox47
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07 Sep 2021, 9:55 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
If so, why? How did it feel?

I was judged by a few others. They were the very higher functioning ones. I would’ve thought they’d be more accepting because they have the same condition as me. It felt worse than being judged by a neurotypical. I think they already know I’m trying my very hardest to mask/act neurotypical.


Eh, I think a lot of autistic people have this idea that other autistic people will *get* them in a way that NTs don't, and my experience is that's not true at all, we just don't get each other in different ways. I find that the tendency is stronger in newly diagnosed people, they think that there's this other community out there of people like them who will understand their quirks and eccentricities, when in reality it's more like everyone thinks their own oddness is normal and everyone else is weird, and there's this whiplash when people get their hopes up only to be disappointed.


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Erjoy29
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07 Sep 2021, 11:04 pm

That’s all really helpful so far. Appreciate it!

I’m still working on not letting any kind of judgment get to me. I’m always told “Stop caring what others think”. I try. Always tried. But is that actually bad advice for an aspie/autistic? I mean it’s good advice but I don’t know.



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07 Sep 2021, 11:20 pm

Erjoy29 wrote:
That’s all really helpful so far. Appreciate it!

I’m still working on not letting any kind of judgment get to me. I’m always told “Stop caring what others think”. I try. Always tried. But is that actually bad advice for an aspie/autistic? I mean it’s good advice but I don’t know.


It's definitely hard.. I find I prefer to please others and forget myself.
As for being judged by others on the spectrum.. I can't say I have felt this though only recently have I been surrounded by others on the spectrum. They all are really nice, irl ones. As for being judged in general.. sometimes it's almost impossible to ignore what others are saying. Being judged isn't nice especially when it's negative. It's horrible at times..



1986
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08 Sep 2021, 1:02 am

I haven't, as far as I know, met any aspies IRL.

On WP I feel like people are generally welcoming, although as a rule not really engaging with what I say. Looking around at other people here, I do find a lot of people can be judgmental towards each other, just as everywhere else online.

A personal theory concerning some on the "higher" end of the spectrum: they mask enough to "pass for normal", and this is valuable to them. When they encounter someone with supposedly the same disorder as them, but unable to mask and therefore exposing themselves in a socially negative way, the "higher" end people fear judgment will spill over on them. Could be one reason why they, for example, don't want to reveal their diagnosis in public. They might fear they're "one of them weirdos" rather than "passing for normal". Therefore these people judge other aspies considered "inferior" because deep down the "superior" ones are, themselves, very scared of being considered inferior among the NT crowd. Remember, masking is not their real self. It's just an act, and they're aware of that.

Or as Kraftie said:

Quote:
Sometimes, people are "judged" because of the problems of the "judger," not the "judgee."


Just my 2 cents.



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08 Sep 2021, 1:50 am

Never met an aspie in real life.

And the autistics I've known in real life are either less verbally inclined, way more asocial than I do, too young to actually make a remark, or actually do not have a strong or even ever have concept of judging others at all.


In WP not that I know of. Or even remember.
At worst, I'd just be very confused.
It takes adjectives to judge, yes? :lol: It is one thing to apply it to myself, it is another if someone did.


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HeroOfHyrule
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08 Sep 2021, 1:52 am

I've been judged by other autistics, and I honestly was way too judgy when I was younger. I understand other people more now though so I don't think I'm as judgmental. When I've been judged I do find it more frustrating than being judged by NTs.



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08 Sep 2021, 2:19 am

Joe90 wrote:
I admit I don't like being judged, and most people don't, but we all do it sometimes. Just best not to judge to people's faces. At least what I don't know can't hurt me.


So very true.. we all do it sometimes. It's the asses that have negative intent that are hard to filter out..

As for the what one doesn't know can't hurt them.. hmmm
Uncertainty can definitely play games with ones mind. Tsk tsk..



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08 Sep 2021, 2:44 am

Erjoy29 wrote:
How did it feel?

I was judged by a few others. They were the very higher functioning ones. I would’ve thought they’d be more accepting because they have the same condition as me. It felt worse than being judged by a neurotypical. I think they already know I’m trying my very hardest to mask/act neurotypical.


It feels bad but if I am judged I want to know exactly what the judgers have done in their life. If they turn out to be basement dwellers who depend on others for their basic needs then I will certainly fire back.

I'm starting to fire back at middle aged NT's now. It gets annoying being treated like a needy infantile tard by an NT that constantly asks for my support for basic tasks they should have mastered in their teens.



Danusaurus
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08 Sep 2021, 3:02 am

Joe90 wrote:
The same as it would if an NT judges me. Aspies are entitled to judge too. We're all humans.


You seem so down to earth in your posts.. just saying.

It's very refreshing.



Dox47
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08 Sep 2021, 3:28 am

1986 wrote:
A personal theory concerning some on the "higher" end of the spectrum: they mask enough to "pass for normal", and this is valuable to them. When they encounter someone with supposedly the same disorder as them, but unable to mask and therefore exposing themselves in a socially negative way, the "higher" end people fear judgment will spill over on them. Could be one reason why they, for example, don't want to reveal their diagnosis in public. They might fear they're "one of them weirdos" rather than "passing for normal". Therefore these people judge other aspies considered "inferior" because deep down the "superior" ones are, themselves, very scared of being considered inferior among the NT crowd. Remember, masking is not their real self. It's just an act, and they're aware of that.


I don't think that's quite true, when I used to help run a support group the issue was more that people on the higher and lower ends of the spectrum have completely different needs, and need to be essentially treated as separate disorders, as the person who's getting through life mostly okay but awkward at socializing has little in common with the person who's barely verbal. I don't know where to draw the line, and that ended up creating a lot of issues for my group, it wasn't that the high functioning people were "judging" the low functioning, it was that they were already awkward themselves, and didn't really know what to do with these people they could often barely communicate with who just sort of got lumped in with them by default. People are also really touchy about the high functioning / low functioning thing, which just makes things even more complicated, I know I struggle with it myself here when I'm trying to figure out if someone who's being rude to me is intending to do it, or if that's just how they communicate, and asking them is just going to come off as insulting regardless.


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