Learning To Make Friends When You Are Introverted

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nalinakimori
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Joined: 9 Sep 2021
Age: 1946
Gender: Female
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Location: Blue Jay, Quebec

10 Sep 2021, 7:04 pm

Hi Everyone,

I’m posting this because I live in the USA, in a city called Atlanta, & I am having the hardest time making female friends. I used to be more extroverted, but after going through some severe traumas earlier in my teens and having to deal with narcissistic family, I have become introverted. When I was younger, I did often try to make friends but my autistic behaviors (well, socially awkward behaviors, such as those common as it relates to Aspergers Syndrome like interrupting people or not understanding jokes and taking things too literally at times), has caused people to distance themselves from me. I am on several dating and forum sites trying to open up, make friends, and develop more confidence (which I lost during my traumas, and having to deal with narcissists — these people take all of who you are and you become a shell of yourself afterward) .

I am currently building my confidence back, and am trying to open up to others again to be friends and maintain long term friendships.

I often see groups of friends going out on the weekends, and I wish that I could have something like that.

What are some tips that you could give or what has worked for you to become more extroverted, confident? What had helped you make and keep friends?

I am looking for female friends as I would like to do more in my life than just be by myself, go to school, and work.
I have a brother who is also autistic (is an Aspie like me), but he has been able to make friends easily. Me, not so much.



CarlM
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Joined: 21 Oct 2019
Age: 66
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Posts: 828
Location: Long Island, NY

10 Sep 2021, 7:48 pm

My advice is to keep trying different social groups until you find one that works for you. Try to think of something which interests you and try a group based on that interest. Meetup.com is a website where you can find many of these groups. At your age, I was too stuck on doing what the few friends I had were doing (mostly nightclubs and such) and that didn't work well for me, as you might imagine. I had a friend who suggested a particular group (skiing club), but that didn't work out. I should have tried harder find a group that worked for me. Later, in my 30, I found hiking group which worked much better. I met my wife on a hike.


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Arathors
Tufted Titmouse
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Joined: 11 Aug 2020
Age: 39
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Location: US

12 Sep 2021, 4:33 pm

Making friends as an adult is a numbers game. Basically you want to increase your exposure to people with similar interests or experiences, which are a critical avenue for relationships. If social anxiety doesn't prohibit it, a site like meetup.com can be useful.

If in-person contact is an issue, you can try making friends online first. For example, Discord isn't an ideal platform for finding friends, but I have made some there. The more general social contact I get from the various servers I'm on is enough to keep my social skills in use, while still giving me plenty of space so I don't stress out. Autistic Discord servers were particularly comfortable in this regard. The downside of this approach is that in-person interactions have a special feel for many people (me included) that's difficult to capture online. But online relationships can still be valuable.


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