Reason to not kill myself?

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I feel like feeling instant gratification and pleasure is the first step towards rising out of depression.

Feeling pleasure in something is much better than feeling pleasure in nothing.

Anything that provides a distraction is helpful in the short term. And crushing my enemies appeals to my sense of vanity and narcissism. Except when I'm arguing to rationalize my own depressed feelings, like Robot pointed out.

I have this fault, I stay objective, or mostly objective, at all times, including when angry or depressed. And I don't believe in anything that isn't a fact or at least a logical conclusion.

I do agree that suffering outweighs happy moments for most living beings. And for those with a long history of previous suffering, the most probable continuation is more suffering. I still feel like pointing out, that probability of nicer days does exist, and that a statement "I haven't had a single nice day in 12 years" can't be correct...

Another thing I'd like to point out - there is someone to blame here after all. Well, someTHING. Nature, or evolution. It was nature that created you the way you are. You are its experiment, just like any other living being. Nature has found out that diversity works - it's good for survival of species. Sometimes diverse individuals are extremely useful. However, often they are not. But it is still useful to create a bunch of weirdos, just so that maybe one day one of them proves to be great, maybe due to changes in circumstances, maybe due to some unexpected talent. You may ask, but how about the rest of us? Those that do not happen to be useful. Well, nature has something for us too: it's called depression and suicide. Individuals who find that they are a failed experiment, are supposed to get depressed and sit at home, thus removing themselves from the society. To the degree that they may remove themselves completely. Well, of course, having responsibities or close people still makes them hold on because those are still useful. But someone completely useless has it the hardest, finding no single reason to hold on to life. And nature says to them: "Ah dammit, you didn't work out. Here have a dose of these chemicals into your brain that will make you kill yourself. Bye!" And the nature is not sorry because it has no feelings, it simply does what works, and it experiments trying to find a way that works better, and we are the casualties.

Knowing this, I feel like spitting nature in the face for what it has done to us. And I know it doesn't care, but I feel like saying to it: "F%$k you nature. I am tired of obeying you and executing your plans. This is my life now, and I'm gonna own it. I'm gonna be a damn burden on everybody - on all your "successful experiments".

I find this attitude helps a little in my daily life. Just a little. I did consider a suicide, but there is a person that would be very upset if I did it, so my plan included waiting until that person dies first and I'm still waiting. Meanwhile, Im trying to make life more bearable, sometimes I'm even succeeding. I can always do it (suicide) - what's the rush - said someone here. So yeah.

Events or lack thereof, sadness, depression,loss of interest in life , people not caring enough to interact with you . Situations and things that cause your perceptions to be dark , Everyday you are still alive , you give these things a kick in the face for each and everyday you go on in life.
This atitude might support you till things have the appearance of turning around for you.
(just a thought)

Dorkseid,
This thread is beginning to remind me of the Monty Python argument sketch.



Here is a good reason not to kill your self: you will lose the joy of contradicting every good reason anyone gives here on this WP thread.

All kidding aside and not in any wanting to minimize any emotional or physical pain you are going through - I sincerely want to tell you I am sorry you are having pain - but there may be a good side you don't want to look at because you are afraid if you do you will invite more pain.

I can talk from my own experience - when I am down - I feel like I have always been down, I will always be down, and there is nothing but being down. I have huge trouble trusting people - but I also have trouble trusting myself.

When I am not down things don't look this way to me. I am able to see there are good things and bad things about my life - and I am not as likely to get into my "all or nothing" modes of thinking. I have just been reading a book about attachment and the inner self. It talks about sometimes if the people who take care of you as a kid are not always reliable, if they over-parent and are controlling or abusive, or if they under-parent and are abandoning - or emotionally unavailable, someone like me might "split" them into two people. My mom had postpartum depression after I was born. She was "over-treated" with medication which took her away from me and away from everyone - eventually her family of origin had to take her off of this med. My dad had cyclic depression and would sometime rage, sometimes be unable to get out of bed. Inside of me instead of feeling that things were going to be OK, thinking I would be OK, I formed two parts - one representing the "bad parent" and one part the part of me which was "angry with the bad parent". And another two parts - one which was the "good parent" and the part of me which "loved the good parent". It is like having two ids and two egos. Or at least that is the theory. ADHD and ASD (etc, etc, etc) are real also - and I have to try to internalize them - they are a part of me and they are also an enemy or source of pain. So this book - the theory - is that the down times is one of these parts coming to the surface and becoming "me" - it might be the rage part, or the bad parent part, or the love part or the good parent part - and I behave accordingly - and I project the opposite on someone else in my life.

The goal in this case, the book suggests, is try to integrate the parts into a whole healthy self. DBT or Psychodynamic is supposed to work best for this. Meanwhile - the roller coaster.

To avoid the "all or nothing" type of thinking it sometimes helps me to make a list of "assets and liabilities" or "grattitudes and resentments". This is how I avoid getting into the Argument Sketch with myself - and with other people.

Sometimes waiting and mindfulness allow me to let the "down" wave pass. Sometimes all it takes is a hot cup of tea - but other times it may take weeks - and it may take work.

I hope my sharing this helps.

Maybe something that works for me might work for you too.

I believe there is good in you.

If your only experience with relationships have been abusive ones. Then what would you have to guage other better relationships by...... Sometimes it seems to take alotta of life experience . In order to guage what is good for ones self .


( be your own best friend)
(( other people may notice)).