For the first time in over a year I went out to another place (other than the town I work in) for the afternoon just because the weather was pleasant and inviting and I thought I brave it by going down there with my mask on. I don't know put I seem to feel as though I was feeling green with envy because were back out in the seating areas in the pubs and cafes having a nice time drinking and chatting etc and I felt like the only one wearing a mask out there. I sometimes think to myself ''why do I seem to feel more anxious than those other people'' as its as though they are not anxious like, they don't care that there is an invisible virus circulating out there and just going as though everything is completely back to normal again. The thing is I want to enjoy it again but my over-awareness of the virus seems to stop me from completely enjoying the outdoor activities I used to do before all this because there is less social distancing and so on and yet before all this, I wasn't getting uncomfortable from people being too close to me and stuff. I was never behaving like when I went out. Its as though the pandemic has made me become more autistic than I am. I was always avoiding close proximity to other people and did not even want to eat an ice cream when I was out today because the person behind the counter was touching the cones before giving them to the customers. I even once threw away a flapjack I bought from a baker once last year because the person behind the counter had touched it and so I wouldn't eat it. I feel like the only one feeling like this and it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time behaving like this and seeing everyone else enjoying the day makes me feel like I'm missing out because I was hardly ever the type to going out occasionally with friends (when I have few friends) to a pub or something on the weekend.
12 Sep 2021, 12:07 pm
