3 days diagnosed - is my life over?

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I was told 3 days ago that I’m autistic (PDA) with adhd. I feel in shock. I know I’ve had problems but I thought if I did enough exercise, drank water, meditated, journaled and got therapy that I could put my difficulties behind me and live a full and happy life. That’s not true. I don’t know what to do and I feel almost like my life won’t be worth living. I haven’t told my boyfriend (even though we live together) because I’m afraid he’ll break up with me or think less of me. I feel like I shouldn’t have been born. I’m not coping with this news. What do I do?

Well, nothing's changed about you, you've just had a label assigned that describes a set of issues you've been dealing with the whole time.

You may have limitations in your life that might make certain goals less realistic than they would be for others but that doesn't inherently make one's life not worth living. One of the harder parts of being a late-diagnosed young adult is making peace with the idea that perhaps you were holding yourself to unrealistic expectations because your strengths were more easily observed than your weaknesses. That said, the same would be true with or without a diagnosis, it's just the diagnosis helps with understanding why some struggles you face are larger or completely unrelatable to those who don't deal with ASD.

You don’t have to do anything differently. You are coping well. You will learn various tricks and tips to get through whatever challenges you face. You are valuable just the way you are. It’s just a label.

Welcome.

Welcome to Wrong Planet!

Consider remembering the fact that you being on the spectrum
is now a part of your human essence, not a curse.

Knowing you have a label can actually affect your view on yourself and your life. A diagnosis is more than just a word added on your medical records. Unless you don't tell anyone, if people do know about your diagnosis they'll start bringing it up in conversations or will tell everyone they know. You become the diagnosis. You suddenly start viewing yourself differently. Some people love learning that they have a diagnosis and feel like it answers all their problems (a bit like an ''Ugly Ducking'' analogy), but others feel they'd benefit better without having a diagnosis or knowing about it. I'm in the latter; I wish I could have gone through life without a diagnosis, because I've just been miserable ever since the day I learnt I had some sort of autism spectrum disorder. I think the word 'autism' freaked me out, because when I was only 9 I met an autistic child who was very severely affected. He was non-verbal, still in diapers, had scary meltdowns, and couldn't do anything except prance around in his sensory room all day on his own. I remember being a little afraid of him, because I was nothing like that yet I shared a spectrum with him (this is why I am all for severity labels). I was basically an NT compared to him - I was verbal and articulate, I was fully potty-trained before I was 3, my meltdowns were more verbal and not violent at all, and I went to mainstream school and played with other children.

You haven’t changed as a person.

If you’re doing well, don’t rock the boat just because of a diagnosis.

I’m still Kraftie, whether I have autism or I don’t have autism.

I’m still Kraftie even after my cancer diagnosis.

I often lament that I could have gone farther in life. But then, soon, I gain perspective. At least I have a roof over my head.

I think I get what you're going for here. I always thought I was weird and awkward because of all the crap I went through growing up, and that one day I'd get over it the same way I got over everything else from that time.

Then I was diagnosed. It's autism. It's never going away. Even though I was still the same person - I didn't suddenly develop autism - I wouldn't be the person I thought I would be in the future.

I thought about that for a long time. Ultimately, I decided it's okay. I can still be an excellent human being even if I sometimes forget how to talk, or don't really fit in at work, or jerk away as if tased when touched unexpectedly. I can still work to mitigate the parts I don't like, while accepting the parts I do.

Is it aggravating/difficult that those parts exist? Yeah, absolutely. I was depressed to the point of being suicidal from maybe 5th grade until I was 24, when I met my partner. I'm currently in the first full-time job I've managed to hold for more than six months.

But in those statements, you can also see that I managed to resolve those issues, even before I knew I was autistic (I wasn't diagnosed until I was 35). I'm not depressed anymore. I have a successful relationship. I can hold down a job that I'm happy to have. I don't know what autism is like for you, but I still have a full and happy life. I definitely would say it's worth living.

What I'm saying is - there's hope. Maybe your life isn't going to look exactly the way you thought it would: but that doesn't mean you're condemned to misery.

A diagnosis of autism doesn't change your essence

Just like a diagnosis of cancer doesn't change your essence.