Feeling isolated at work
AutisticAndFineWithIt
Emu Egg
Joined: 12 May 2020
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: Derbyshire, England, UK
My first post in a while - hello again, all!
Bit of context: about 8 months ago, I started an apprenticeship, doing Business Administration. It's a field I think I would suit, and though the work is a bit tedious sometimes, that's not my main issue.
I'm 22, with a lot of niche interests (anime, wrestling, literature etc). The majority of my colleagues (the ones I spend the most time with anyway) are between 17-25, but most are completely different to me. They like online shopping, reality TV and drinking, and tend to spend a lot of time gossiping about their advisor colleagues.
I don't feel like I have very much in common with them - and I think this, alongside my inability to work when there's lots of talking going on around me, has led to me being isolated. This has been brought up by my manager, who has said that this might be an issue for me wherever I work.
All of my close friends share some interests with me; I've never connected with those who haven't. I absolutely hate feeling so alone at work, though, so was wondering what you guys have tried that might help me overcome this. Thanks!
Ooh, literature! Kindred spirit (especially if the literature is of the Victorian variety ). Perhaps you could apply for jobs in related industries? E.g. publishing houses like Penguin? I'd imagine that there would be more like-minded people there? Just an idea.
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I may not fit in everywhere, but where it counts, I belong.
AutisticAndFineWithIt
Emu Egg
Joined: 12 May 2020
Age: 24
Gender: Female
Posts: 6
Location: Derbyshire, England, UK
I’ve tried looking into that kind of work - a lot of it sounds perfect, were it not for the fact that I’m in Derby and the jobs are London-based
Its a fact of life, most people don't make friends in the workplace anymore than they make friends with their neighbours. You can't choose whom you work with, Just think of the money and paying bills or saving for something you need.
Yesterday I went on an AW with a couple of colleagues.
It was the first time anyone asked me out to do anything, nobody has even asked me if I wanted to have lunch with them.
I've been there for 5 years.
/Mats
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Interests: Comic books, Manga; most things to do with Handicraft, wood, textile, metal etc, modern materials; horror, true crime; languages, art, and history to an extent
Uninterests: All things about motors; celebrities; fashion; sports; career; stock market
Feel free to PM me!
Bit of context: about 8 months ago, I started an apprenticeship, doing Business Administration. It's a field I think I would suit, and though the work is a bit tedious sometimes, that's not my main issue.
I'm 22, with a lot of niche interests (anime, wrestling, literature etc). The majority of my colleagues (the ones I spend the most time with anyway) are between 17-25, but most are completely different to me. They like online shopping, reality TV and drinking, and tend to spend a lot of time gossiping about their advisor colleagues.
I don't feel like I have very much in common with them - and I think this, alongside my inability to work when there's lots of talking going on around me, has led to me being isolated. This has been brought up by my manager, who has said that this might be an issue for me wherever I work.
All of my close friends share some interests with me; I've never connected with those who haven't. I absolutely hate feeling so alone at work, though, so was wondering what you guys have tried that might help me overcome this. Thanks!
I've had this sort of problem before. As a sociable person who values making friends and fitting in, not fitting in can trigger my depression and self-loathing.
When I first started at my job, there was another girl who had just started too and didn't know anyone either. She was an angry, self-obsessed, unstable girl with issues. But there were 3 guys there who basically worshipped her, and everything became centered around her, which made me feel like a spare part. The guys were quite playful towards us like they wanted our attention or something (being so we were all young people around the same age), and while I laughed at their jokes and was laid-back and cheerful and easy to get along with, she was the opposite but still fitted in better than me. They started making plans for the weekends together in front of me without ever thinking about including me, and I felt so left out. I hinted that I was interested in what they were doing but I still wasn't invited, and it's not very socially acceptable to invite yourself. I know they were into drinking and nightclubs - but not everything they planned involved nightclubs or drinking. One time they arranged to go to a huge theme park (no drinking or partying involved), and they actually had 5 tickets even though there were 4 of them. I thought maybe they might have asked me to be the fifth one, being so they knew I loved theme parks - but instead they invited some married girl who didn't even work with us and was 6 months pregnant.
Then after the weekend I had to work whilst listening to them all chatting about their fun weekend at the theme park, and I felt so left out and depressed. Thankfully 2 of them don't work there any more and they aren't really in a clique any more so things are better. But we are advertising a vacancy and I'm hoping the company don't hire another young pretty girl, because of the fear of the clique starting back up again and me being left out again.
Feeling socially isolated makes me think of suicide if I'm having one of my down days, and I could do without the hurt in my life.
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Female
Then after the weekend I had to work whilst listening to them all chatting about their fun weekend at the theme park, and I felt so left out and depressed. Thankfully 2 of them don't work there any more and they aren't really in a clique any more so things are better. But we are advertising a vacancy and I'm hoping the company don't hire another young pretty girl, because of the fear of the clique starting back up again and me being left out again..
Yeah this is the hardest. I've been ostracised and left out of work cliques plenty of times but it really depends where the workplace is and who the group are.
In my young/single days working in the private sector I did used to get invited to parties and functions and did feel I was part of the work clique. But as I got older I find I am left out and ignored.
For me this is agism but also because I am perceived to be less flexible/more fixed in my ways and got a wife/kid. I actually nowadays prefer to avoid work functions (not much happening since Feb 2020 anyway).
So in your situation perhaps the young/pretty things are the flame that your fellow moths are drawn to because of her age, and perkiness. I've seen it all before. Young attractive bright, the centre of attention. But often shooting starts harbour ambition so don't stay at one place long and move on.
The biggest barrier for me is not having much in common with the 20-30 yr old workmates who bore me to death. They talk about reality TV, social media and stare at their phones. At one work function the only seat left was next to the 20 something girls, I deliberately dragged my chair over to the oldies table as I knew I wouldn't have coped.
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