Asocial

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I am very asocial and anxious. I hate being near people but i hate loneliness to. I have zero friends. Many people at my age have girlfriends, friends, their own social circle. Everything is meant to be done with other people, talking, working, etc... So as a person with autism i ended up suffering from depression.

I can relate to this. What's worse is that I used to have friends, but they all stopped communicating me once we stopped sharing a common location (school, work). I have also been used by people who claimed to be my friend, only to be mocked behind my back and to my face. I actually prefer being alone now - I have to keep my guard up due to having trust issues stemming from evil narcissists who took advantage of me in the past. Sometimes it's better to be alone.