Enjoy being single?

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I appreciate your apology.

First of all, I have no intention of dating you.

Marriage is not a privilege. Everyone I know other than myself is either married or in a romantic relationship. This includes my parents, my siblings, my friends, and everyone I grew up with or went to college with are all married or in series romantic relationships. a privilege would be something that is only limited to a minority of people in society. Being a millionaire is a privilege. Being a celebrity is a privilege. Marriage is common place and just happens naturally for every adult human being but myself. Saying that marriage is a privilege is like saying breathing is a privilege.

I am glad that you brought up the topic where I stand in the sexual marketplace. That is exactly the problem. I have little or no value in said marketplace because I am "disabled". As I explained before, I never had any standards or expectations that would be considered unrealistic or unreasonable for a neurotypical man. They are only considered thus in my case because I am autistic. Through neither choice nor control of my own, I happened to be born with a neurological disorder that has made society view me as lesser. Note that I never asked for not did anything to deserve this, nor did any of the billions who were not saddled from conception with such a curse do anything to earn their better fortune. The universe just arbitrarily chose rather Steve or Bob down the street to f**k in the a**, and I will be alone and unlovable for the rest of m life because of that.

I never said you did have any intention of dating me and I wouldn't date you because I'm not homosexual. The point was that you dismissed everything else I said and concentrated on one thing and wanted no further discussion. In general many people who date don't want to have to deal with that. People will mistake or purposely twist things that you say in your life a lot and to abruptly say "I will have no further discussion" is not a good look.

Marriage is a privilege. You can still live your entire life without being married once. My sister is doing it(sadly), my aunt did it, my mother pretty much did it, and many NTs and NDs also have to go through life not being married. Marriage or relationships is not a "right", no one can force anyone(at least in the US) to get into a relationship or get married. On the other hand if you can't breathe you die, unless you have an oxygen tank or something. A privilege in it's broadest sense is something that is NOT automatically given to you throughout life, it is something that has to be earned. Relationships and marriage is something earned not given to you.

And to your last paragraph, you cannot say you have no sexual market value when on the page before this one you admitted that and I quote:



How can you say you didn't have any value when at least 2 women were after you possibly 3? This is why I'm holding you accountable for your situation. You broke one engagement off and had at least 2 chances to start something again and decided not to. Whether autistic or neurotypical you can't blame others or "The Universe" when you had chances at something and decided not to take them.

There are so many attractive women in their 30's and 40's.....and some of them even look like they're in their 20's.

I see them on the Brooklyn Bridge every day when I jog it.

I feel like at least some of them wouldn't require a man to be rich, tall, and all that.......

I know I'm not rich, nor tall, nor even middle-class, nor even handsome. And I'm 60 years old, in need of Viagra after my surgery. If I wasn't married, I am confident that I could, if I felt really motivated, get a date with some of the single women amongst them.

I'm not saying this to brag. I'm saying this so that I can inform you that there is hope.

Last edited by kraftiekortie on 12 Oct 2021, 3:48 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Yes, I'm a lot happier single now that I have stable accommodation and a that I job I fit in. Workmates can make or break a job.

I don't really feel like I need anyone anymore.

I can watch what I want on TV. I can go to whatever concerts I want to. I can stay out and I don't need to let anyone know I'll be late. If I feel like lounging round all day no one will judge me. If get the urge To go for a walk I can go. I don't need to debate where to go on holiday or when to go or what to see at the cinema. I just go.

It's awesome.

First of all, I take people deliberately twisting my words to use them against very seriously. Secondly, you are just some random stranger on the Internet (no offense) and how and why I choose to or to not engage in a discussion with random strangers on the Internet has no bearing on how I interact with people I know in my personal life.

At this time I am only interested a romantic/sexual relationship, not a marriage. I don't even know if getting married is something I ever want to do. Just because some people have never been married, that does not mean that they have not had romantic and sexual relationships in their lives. Your mother obviously has had at least one sexual relationship. I have not.

I only "had chances" at relationships I didn't want. I did not break off my engagement; my ex did. And aside from that, it was an extremely toxic and abusive relationship that I regret to this day. She was not drawn to me because of my "sexual marketplace value"; she targeted me because I was emotionally vulnerable and easy to exploit and manipulate. You want to "hold me accountable" because it's my fault I'm single if I did not choose to remain in a relationship with a narcissist who isolated and gaslighted me for two years?! As for the others, they were extremely unattractive. One, for instance, was a giant burly woman who had higher testostrone levels than I do. One was an ugly woman with eight kids. She sat with me at lunch one day and told me she thinks attractive people never get cheated on. Not only did this make it clear that she does not consider herself attractive, but it also strongly suggests that she saw me as unattractive as well. She talked to me like I'm someone who'd understand what it's like to be unattractive. Do you honestly think she was expressing interest in me because she thought I was the best man around? Or because she knew she was too unattractive to get anyone better? These women were not drawn to me because of some highly attractive quality I possess. If that were the case, I would have also gotten attention from women who were at least moderately attractive. They were interested in me because they were desperate and they thought I'm likely just as desperate and willing to settle as they are.

having high sexual marktevalue or erotic capital, thats all nice, but if you look around, most people are average lookin , and they end up with other average lookin people. theres more to a relationship than looks, and thats a shallow way to build anything of substance. beauty is n the eye of the beholder and its all relative, next to one guy i might be considered handsome, but next to another im just plain, we all got flaws , most of the time its character flaws that hold us back.

The few women who have been interested in me were far below average. We shared nothing in common and they were never intellectually interesting.

But what do you when you need intimacy? Who helps you pay your bills? Who will be there to get help if you have a medical emergency? Research shows that people who live alone have shorter life spans, even when they are happy alone.

I'm too broke to ever afford to go on any vacations or do any of the other things I'm supposedly free enough to do whenever I want. I thoroughly explained this already.

Enjoy the heck out of your singleness! Wouldn't you like to be able to talk to women like this without a jealous SO getting upset about it?

Do you want a romantic/sexual relationship or do you want marriage? By what you just said that is the responsibility of someone you are married to. A romantic/sexual relationship the other person isn't legally responsible for what happens to you. At any moment in time they can just opt out of the relationship and leave you to pay your own bills, find intimacy, and in medical emergencies they can get you to a hospital but, they aren't obligated to do anything else after that.

Also with your Ex, if she was abusive and manipulative and that was all than I am sorry for that but, it seems like even though you got passed that every other woman you met you talk about them in a negative way. I will be honest with you, the way that you describe yourself doesn't sound like the average person, it sounds like a person who is below average. Ever heard the saying "You attract what you are"? If you are below average than why do you expect to get somebody who is above below average?

That is why I made the thread about "wants" and "settling". Too often I hear people talking about what they want in a person or their life and expect more than they realistically can get! And then they will say they have to "settle" for something they don't want but don't realize themselves that they aren't as big a catch as they think they are. Also when anyone say they have to "settle" they also don't think about the fact that the other person has to "settle" for you too. Many men want Beyonces and many women want to live a luxurious life style but is that realistic for everyone in the world.

I don't need intimacy I'm 40 and I'm tired all the time. I go for walks to get exercise or I go to the gym.

I pay all my own bills. Again, I'm 40 and I've used my experience to job hop to a point where I have a comfortable wage.

My neighbours are all really friendly. We've all got together to restore our communal garden and communicate well. I've been really fortunate to end up in this block of flats. If I need anything they will help and vice versa. I'm in the UK too and I live just 5 minutes from the local ambulance station and 10 minutes from the nearest Accident and Emergency.

Research shows men are happier in long term relationships and women are not. Here's a balanced article about why that may or may not be true.
https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/is_marriage_really_bad_for_womens_happiness

I would rather live a shorter happier life than a long one with a dead weight dragging me down. I come from 2 families with good life longevity so odds are in my favour.

I have a handful of female friends who are also unattached that I can travel with. I don't like going away for weeks at a time. I get bored. I prefer long weekend city breaks. It's a bit cheaper too.

But there were years and years that I didn't have holidays because I was too poor, so I understand that frustration. I would explore locally instead. Again I'm in the UK and can throw a stone and hit a castle or a 300 year old building so there's lots to see. Museums are often free here and there is a lot of lovely countryside to wander around. I gather America has less of a walking culture.

Again, for company, I have those female friends. We've been friends for about 15 years and they have been more loyal to me and more reliable and supportive than any romantic interest has ever been. As you get older you begin to weigh things up. Friends are so much more worth it. All these guys I've met that messed me about didn't bring any real happiness or benefit to my life, they made me sad and made my life worse. It's not worth it.

I am open to the possibility of meeting someone, but it is no longer a goal for me.

Well, that just makes me feel great about turning 40.

And apparently women my age now have no energy for sex or just uninterested outright. Wonderful!



I'm almost 40, and I still never could establish a career or get a decent paying job. There have been many times I was homeless because I could not get a job. And when I have had jobs they always been low paying jobs that nobody wants. And that is despite having a university degree (and the associated debt). I am now finishing my Master's, which should make me more marketable. But it is in education, which is not a field that pays well. And it has put me in even more debt I'll be spending the rest of my life paying back.



Your neighbors do not live with you inside your flat. If you have a medical emergency at home, they will not find out until its too late. And living close to an ambulance station or an emergency medical center won't help you when you're lying in your bedroom floor dying if nobody else knows about it.



Then what makes you think that telling me about your experience will do anything to help me feel better about my life?



But I doubt anyone in your family lived alone their entire lives.

At any rate, just because you feel comfortable with that doesn't doesn't mean that I do.



That's great for you. But I have no such friends.



Well, I am the same age as you and I am still too poor to go anywhere. And I do not live in the UK; I live in the US, and one of the most boring parts of the US at that. Yes, there is no walking culture in the US unless you live in New York City. Where I live is largely very pedestrian unfriendly and it's next to impossible to go anywhere without a vehicle. I really do just outright hate America at this point.



And again, I have no such friends.



Because you take for granted that you easily can at any time if you ever decide you do want to.

I don't really feel any desire to talk to anybody offline unless I already know & feel comfortable with them or I need or want something from them.


I can usually watch what I want on TV with my girlfriend if there is something specific I want to watch but I usually don't mind her putting on whatever she wants to watch because I don't really care what I watch. What's important is that she's sitting next to me. I have no desire to go to the movies by myself. I almost never care to watch movies on my own because of my ADD. I don't want to make plans to watch something for a couple hours straight by myself. It's aLOT nicer to have someone to cuddle with & talk to. I never had any desire to go to a concert & I almost never want to go out unless I need to get something or I can eat out somewhere. I also never really had any desire to go anywhere for holidays. I always preferred staying home & thankfully my girlfriend doesn't do much for holidays either except we visit her family a day or so after just for the day. I usually just lounge around most of the day & so does my girlfriend if she's not visiting her family so it works. The issue I have is that I get bored & lonely if she's not here. I've been told more than a few times by guys when I was single that I was a p_whipped single guy. It is a vulgar term that I don't like using but they did have a point. I lived & acted like I was married even when I was single due to no desire to live the single guy lifestyle. I still have the lifestyle but the difference is that I'm happy instead of moping around being lonely all day.

I'm trying hard not to swear at you. What a @#£&_x stupid comment.

I'm not engaging with you anymore. It's not that easy. Get lost

Every time you post about your relationship you show that you have found someone really suited to you who you are happy and comfortable with. I wish everyone could find that.

You don't seem to want a relationship anyway. Are you ace? I wish I could just stop caring. If you just don't care, then what does that do to help me with my situation? Just saying that you don't care and therefore I shouldn't either is useless advice.

You still haven't responded to the fact that I don't have access to any of the things you are so glad that you're free to do.