Should My Father Honor My Requests?

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From what I've heard, if someone with autism has issues with sounds, tastes, smells, or textures, etc. then these issues should be accommodated, within reason anyway.

I have issues with being near my father or talking to him. He is a bully and makes me miserable. I am stucking living with my parents. He does not know I have Asperger's and it probably wouldn't matter. He has cognitive issues from a TBI and nothing gets through his thick head, he'll believe and do as he pleases.

When I am in the kitchen and he enters, I usually leave if I can. If I can't (like if I'm cooking) my body goes stiff and I get disoriented. This has gotten progressively worse over the last 3-5 years. In either case, he is able to read my body language and knows I am angry, this makes him angry.

He gets mad and yells at me when I leave the kitchen. If I stay, he may or may not say stupid things to me that set me off. He is a verbally abusive bully due to the TBI (he wasn't like that before it).

Am I wrong to leave the kitchen or for feeling like this? He acts like this is my fault. I've considered wearing headphones while in the kitchen, but then it would prevent me from hearing when he is coming. On the other hand, maybe wearing the headphones will help me deal with this issue. It's to a point where I'm not eating well because I'm afraid to go in the kitchen.

My mom insists that I make supper every night. So I take three cans of vegetables (something like potatoes, carrots, spinach), divide them up and put them on the plates, then throw on some frozen chicken nuggets and heat in the microwave. It's the quickest supper I can make. My mom is mostly ok with this since it's mostly healthy, but my father complains. I keep saying that if I could be 100% guaranteed he won't come in the kitchen while I cook, I would make something more appealing. But even if he guarantees, he still sometimes comes in there.

I tried using COVID and social distancing as an excuse for him not to come in or for me to leave, but that doesn't work anymore. He got angry recently because I left the kitchen when he came in.

If someone has a history of being abusive to you, why would you want to be around them? Especially when you never know what mood they will be in. I always feel like I'm walking on eggshells. Even my mom doesn't want to be around him. She waits until he leaves before she goes in the kitchen. But she doesn't get upset and try to leave if he comes in when she's there. She just brushes off what he says. I can't do that because he doesn't treat me the same. He verbally attacks me sometimes, he doesn't do that to her. I don't know how to brush it off.

Thoughts? Suggestions? Advice? Anything?

I guess you're too young/don't have the money to move out to a place on your own?
Are there any relatives that you could move in with?
It sounds like an unhealthy situation.

/Mats

depending on your age and the status of your independence issues, you might want to get social services involved. If it is a matter of safety or being abused, you may get extra help or support to find other living accommodations and so on.
Nobody can make another person do anything , each person must choose for themselves how to behave. Whether your father should avoid contacting you because you want that is not really an issue, we can't control him by vote. You only have a choice over how you respond to his behavior, and how you choose to act when he does things you don't want him to do. You might also consider getting therapy to help you find new choices in the ways to respond to your father's uncontrollable actions. I needed an "outsider" to help me see I had options I never considered. Sending best wishes for a way to find peace.

Section eight housing

Look up "domestic violence shelter"