does anyone else

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Not me.
Not because people take things from me.

But because I don't trust things would remain in my possession without locking the whole thing in a tight lidded box, hidden it in places where no one can go or ever find and know it's existence.
Or without strapping the whole thing into my chest and never let it out of my sights, and without ever letting anyone touch it.


People here just mindlessly borrow... And mindlessly do not return them.

I developed some form of insecure like distrust around places where one should trust to have privacy.

It's one of the reasons why I never felt 'home' as long as the spaces are 'shared'.
I would simply know -- people will rummage through my things without my knowledge nor permission.


So why bother keeping any... If it'll just go missing, broken or misused in some way anyway as soon as I turn my back on it?

Last edited by Edna3362 on 26 Sep 2021, 4:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I think I'd go out of my mind if that happened Edna.

I don't know how you can cope.

Cope? Well... It is one of my personal scenarios I couldn't solve and complete yet.
And it's also one of the longest so...


Hmmm... If there is any anxiety to cope as opposed to no anxiety to begin with...

I can tolerate in background, for now.

Which was unlike when I was 5 years old when it involved a lot of violence and crying because people do not listen.

Which was unlike when I was 10 years old when it involved too many rigid rules that no one cares or heard about anyway.

Which was unlike when I was 15 years old when I had literally didn't sleep or ever let it go because again, no one was listening.

Which was unlike when I was 20 years old when I'm still clinging to the idea of ownership and secrecy, yet the idea in my head carried more weight as soon as I leave out of my sight. No one seem to know why I was ranting.


Which somehow since when I was 25 years old, when I'm just starting to communicate more openly about it.
Just minus the less intolerant reactions.


... Yeah.
20+ years of progress leads me to "I simply can tolerate it".