Looking for a girlfriend in NYC.

Page 1 of 1 [ 2 posts ] 

Gamerking27
Emu Egg
Emu Egg

Joined: 19 Dec 2020
Gender: Male
Posts: 6
Location: New York City

24 Sep 2021, 3:28 pm

Now that the coronavirus situation is better than it was before, I thought I would try my luck again. My name is Aurkaw Biswas and I live in NYC. I was diagnosed with Aspergers in high school. I am 28 years old and have never had a girlfriend, even though I have wanted one for years. I want a girl who understands me, who lives in NYC, and who likes video games like I do. I have tried dating sites, but they are all too expensive for me.



Mona Pereth
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 11 Sep 2018
Gender: Female
Posts: 7,811
Location: New York City (Queens)

24 Sep 2021, 9:47 pm

Some thoughts from a fellow New Yorker:

If you're like most autistic people, you probably don't do well with meeting people at bars. Is that correct? Meeting people that way is intrinsically difficult for most autistic people.

Also, unless you are both very handsome and at least somewhat well-to-do, you probably don't do very well with dating apps, which intrinsically tend to encourage superficiality.

So that leaves the long, indirect route of building up both a friendship network and a larger acquaintance network, and then eventually meeting (or being introduced to) a compatible partner that way. That's difficult for most autistic people too, but, for many of us, it can be (depending on how we go about it) less difficult than the above two methods. It also has the advantages of (1) being more likely to lead to a stable relationship and (2) being a longterm investment in your future well-being more generally. (For example, having a network of friends within a larger network of acquaintances can also make it easier to find jobs, housing, etc. when needed.) Additionally, it's how most women prefer to meet potential partners. Most women are wary of meeting total strangers at bars or via dating apps.

Luckily, New York City has lots and lots and lots of groups devoted to almost every conceivable topic or activity. So you need to find groups pertaining to topics and/or activities that interest you.

Have you tried Meetup.com?

Most groups are still meeting online, in most cases via video chat and in some cases via text-based chat. But, if you can find any groups that interest you, they might be a good way to start getting to know some people before you can meet in-person again.

Problem: Many NYC groups tend to be cliquish and not very newcomer-friendly. This is a big barrier for many autistic people. I'll share my thoughts on possible ways to deal with this later, if you are interested.

In the meantime, it would be helpful if you could tell us more about your interests and life circumstances. For example, what kind of job do you have, if any? What are your longterm career goals, if different from your current job? What is your living situation like? What kind of video games are you into? And do you have any other hobbies besides video games? Also, are you involved in any other kinds of social activities, e.g. a religious group?

EDIT: See also my reply here in the thread I want a GF, but I cant find one, I dont know where to look.


_________________
- Autistic in NYC - Resources and new ideas for the autistic adult community in the New York City metro area.
- Autistic peer-led groups (via text-based chat, currently) led or facilitated by members of the Autistic Peer Leadership Group.
- My Twitter / "X" (new as of 2021)