What do you do when someone hugs you?

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Qbeez999
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25 Sep 2021, 11:46 am

I either awkwardly stand like a statue or lightly put one arm around the person. Hugging has never come naturally to me.



HeroOfHyrule
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25 Sep 2021, 11:48 am

I do the same thing, and either just stand there or put one arm around them. I don't mind hugs but they're just odd to participate in.


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IsabellaLinton
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25 Sep 2021, 11:51 am

Freeze. Tense. Pull back slightly. Exit scene.

If I know them, they might be lucky enough to get a quick pat on the shoulder before I recoil.



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25 Sep 2021, 11:54 am

Depends.

If it's a stranger and feel like it, only one arm over.
If it's a stranger and I don't feel like it, I'd just tense if I fail to stop them.

If it's someone I knew and I feel like it, nothing.
If it's someone I knew and I don't feel like it, I'd squirm out of their reach.

If it's someone I knew and actually like, regardless, I'd squeeze them hard. :skull:
And if I feel like it, I'd cling at them until they want out.


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mohsart
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25 Sep 2021, 12:06 pm

I can do hugging, but it's mostly immitation. I don't like it and it's not natural for me.

/Mats


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IsabellaLinton
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25 Sep 2021, 12:08 pm

The only hugs I've ever truly enjoyed were my dad's great big bear hugs.



Juliette
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25 Sep 2021, 12:49 pm

Depends who's doing the hugging. One of the loveliest hugs I ever received was from someone in Florida in a store(a shopkeeper who was very arty). We bonded over art and SEN. Totally out of the blue.

I've been hugged by an ex-F-I-L who made me feel VERY uncomfortable. It didn't help that he commented as well.

The best hugs are by those who have no hidden agenda ...



HeroOfHyrule
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25 Sep 2021, 1:08 pm

I only really like hugging super close friends. In school I had this friend who used to hug me every time we saw each other, and that was the nicest hugging experience I've had so far. I do voluntarily hug my pets all the time, but that's different.


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I use he/him pronouns.

I like playing video games, watching cartoons and anime, reading, and cooking.

I also enjoy learning + cataloguing information about different types of animals and plants.

Empathy Quotient: 34/80
Systemizing Quotient: 104/150
Friendship Quotient: 56/140
Autism Quotient: 36/80

RAADS-R: 169

CAT-Q: 153
Compensation: 57
Masking: 47
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Your broader autism cluster (Aspie) score: 144 of 200.
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 63 of 200.
You are very likely on the broader autism cluster (Aspie).


Earthbound_Alien
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25 Sep 2021, 1:12 pm

hug them back



Lost_dragon
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25 Sep 2021, 2:47 pm

Strangers (unexpectedly, from behind) : 8O Freeze up with my shoulders raised and my arms drawn to the side. I feel on high alert.

Strangers (from the front) : :| I step back with my right foot, briefly cross my arms in an X position, lower my arms to the side and bring my right foot back to where it was. This seems to an effective way of communicating that I don't want to be touched, as I tend to form the words either too late or the words are ignored. People usually listen to this gesture though when I use it.

Acquaintances (from the front): present my hand and suggest a handshake instead, or if it's unexpected then I'll awkwardly hug them and pat them on the back and try to get out of it as soon as possible. I may also use the X gesture if I know they're coming in for a hug.

A crush (from the front) : temporarily forget English.

Friends : It really depends. Some friends I've known for years and I'm still not comfortable with them hugging me, but with other friends I was comfortable with physical contact fairly early on in the friendship.

Family : Gladly hug them back.

I don't know how quite to explain it, but some people just feel safe from the get-go (granted, first impressions can be misleading). They have a certain nature about them that puts me at ease.


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25 Sep 2021, 3:12 pm

A few years ago my bride and I went into a restaurant a few miles from our home. An exuberant friend of my bride happened to already be in that same restaurant. I think my bride said I "knew" the gal but I'd only seen her once or twice and I have face blindness so...I was completely caught off guard when we entered the restaurant and a strange (literally and figuratively) woman ran up to me and gave me a huge hug.

8O

I think I stood still but I was sort of confused so I don't really know. We ended up joining the woman and her daughter for supper so I had to wait until we left the restaurant to ask "Who was that?!?!"

I later gave my bride the following advice: The next time we go into a restaurant and she's there and you think she might tackle me again, you probably want to stand where you can watch my face. You'll probably think it's hilarious.


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Joe90
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25 Sep 2021, 3:35 pm

I hug them back, or if their arms are around me where I can't move my arms to hug them back I just vocalise a hug (like if they say "nice to see you" while hugging me I say "aw, nice to see you too" or something like that, in a sort of affectionate tone of voice).

I do like hugging.


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Shellbelle
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25 Sep 2021, 6:20 pm

If it is a person I know well and feel safe with, I hug back.

My dog likes nice firm hugs, so when she asks, I'll hug her firmly, she also give her version of hugs and I enjoy those.

I work with students/kids and even if I don't know them well, children hugging me is okay. Hugs from my ND kids- super welcome and special. If an adult I didn't know well did the same though- they'd get a stiff arm to the chest and a don't touch me.



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25 Sep 2021, 8:13 pm

When I get hugged, I hug back, focussing on using my hands to hold them as I would a baby, except for size. I have not had a decent hug in a decade, and I really miss them.



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25 Sep 2021, 10:39 pm

Freeze and be really uncomfotable


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Mona Pereth
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26 Sep 2021, 2:45 am

If it's someone I like and who knows me well enough to know how to hug me without tickling me, I hug back.

If it's someone I like and feel basically safe with, but who doesn't know how to hug me without tickling me, I flinch and then give instructions on how to hug me without tickling me.

Luckily it's been a long while since someone I didn't like or didn't feel basically safe with tried to hug me, and I don't remember exactly how I handled that.

When I went for my autism assessment a few years ago and collected statements from cousins about my weird childhood behaviors, I was told that, when I was a little kid, I used to freeze when people hugged me.

I appreciate the newly-emerging ethic of asking people if they want a hug before hugging them.


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