Is it wrong to be a ''weak'' person ?

Page 1 of 1 [ 5 posts ] 

chris1989
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 2 Aug 2018
Gender: Male
Posts: 513
Location: Kent, UK

29 Sep 2021, 12:35 pm

I wouldn't class myself as ''weak'' man but I seem to think that for someone like me with Asperger's Syndrome I do sometimes find myself getting upset easily and don't always keep it bottled up inside and I do seem to feel like I get annoyed at myself sometimes for expressing that emotion because I seem to think other men out there don't shed tears and express their emotions more often even though a part me knows that is not true as there are men out there who do but its like I'm in denial about it. I do sometimes wish I wasn't who maybe isn't easily intimidated by another man like a guy who works as a bouncer at a club who maybe comes into my place of work on his day off for something. I do at times feel the need come across as more ''manly'' to them in order to engage a conversation like for example I'd say ''Hello mate, Would you like a bag with these items ?'' I do find myself calling them ''mate'' more even though they are not my mates. It does envy me when I see someone who looks like they work out more than me and I do at times find myself self-conscious about the fact that I'm only a medium built person with thin arms and for a while I have been working out at times with weights and press-ups at home, I have even notice the muscle in my arms has hardened but they still look like they haven't changed much. I do seem to think there is still a stigma that being ''weak'' is bad and that a man traditionally this part of the world and in other cultures has to be tough and ''man up'', keep his emotions bottled in, face his fears and be forceful when necessary especially when attracting women.



babybird
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 11 Nov 2011
Gender: Female
Posts: 40,766
Location: UK

29 Sep 2021, 12:41 pm

Well I think you've put a lot of thought into this. Maybe too much. You seem to be picking yourself apart for every little thing you're not instead of looking more at what you are.

I'm pretty certain that in this culture people of either sex won't think you are weak for having skinny arms and for showing your emotions.

I mean if you are an emotional wreck in public and you can't control it then you may need a bit of help with that but apart from that you seem to be doing OK.



AprilR
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 8 Apr 2016
Age: 31
Gender: Female
Posts: 3,633

29 Sep 2021, 1:46 pm

Keeping emotions bottled up is not healthy, and it doesn't make anyone strong. If anything those people who keep everything bottled up explode later and that is much uglier.

I agree with the poster above, as long as you are able to regulate your emotions like Anger, sadness in general (to an extent of course) there is no problem.

As for working out,i think it is healthy for everyone as long as you don't push yourself too hard.

I say these things, but i understand where you are coming from too, even though i am a woman. I also live in a society where gender roles are pretty strong and honestly i am glad i was not born a man. I am pretty sure i would be called a sissy and weakling for being too sensitive and emotional. But i don't see these qualities as negative in either gender.

Someone who can understand and accept their emotions definitely seem "stronger" and more in control to me than someone who keeps everything bottled up and denies their needs.



AngelL
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

Joined: 13 Jul 2021
Gender: Male
Posts: 341
Location: Seattle, WA

30 Sep 2021, 10:06 am

chris1989 wrote:
I do seem to think there is still a stigma that being ''weak'' is bad and that a man traditionally this part of the world and in other cultures has to be tough and ''man up'', keep his emotions bottled in, face his fears and be forceful when necessary especially when attracting women.


You are absolutely correct that the world is sexist. It rather bothers me that there aren't more male feminists, and I'll tell you why: Every discriminatory belief or action is a double edged sword. If a person or society looks at women as 'weak' and 'emotional' - then they necessarily project the opposite qualities onto men; in this case 'strong' and 'unemotional'. Sexism hurts everyone in this way. Reject the lie and accept yourself.

I am a very sensitive and emotional person but I grew up in ridiculously toxic time and place that rejected the idea that boys or men could express feelings. I was told I had to toughen up. So, I covered up my sensitivity and learned to suppress my emotions. I earned two black belts and served with Marine Force Recon. I acted as if I feared no evil because I was the baddest man in the valley. Inside, a broken little boy was crying.

Six heart attacks later, that guy is gone. I cry regularly - and no longer care who sees. That isn't bravado; I really don't care. I have a 'Little Mermaid' themed bathroom...and you know why? Cause I love the Little Mermaid! I sleep in a four poster canopied pink princess bed that I share with about forty stuffed animals. Why? Because that is my choice for me - because I am living for me these days, no one else. It started out as really uncomfortable, but that passed. Today, for real, I am happier than I have ever been in my life. It doesn't mean there aren't problems in my life or that I don't have difficulties - I have lots! Today though, I can meet my challenges more authentically than I ever have before, and if it becomes too much for me to handle, I am not alone anymore cause I have learned to ask for help.

Give yourself a break, please. Stop judging your insides by other people's outsides - neurodiverse folks aren't the only people who mask. Be you - I, for one, think you're cooler that way. :wink:



nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 24,919
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in the police state called USA

03 Oct 2021, 3:45 pm

AngelL wrote:
You are absolutely correct that the world is sexist. It rather bothers me that there aren't more male feminists, and I'll tell you why: Every discriminatory belief or action is a double edged sword. If a person or society looks at women as 'weak' and 'emotional' - then they necessarily project the opposite qualities onto men; in this case 'strong' and 'unemotional'. Sexism hurts everyone in this way. Reject the lie and accept yourself.
I'm a male feminist & I completely agree with you. I've questioned my gender & sexual orientation quite a lot in the past partly(maybe even mostly) because I do NOT conform to the male stereotype in some ways. My girlfriend likes to joke that I'm 51% woman & she's 51% man so together we even out. She does have a point about that. I don't think I conform to any stereotype but I reached the point in my life where I'm OK with that. I don't know exactly what I am since I don't conform to anything but I try not to worry about it anymore. What's important is that I accept myself & that I have support which I do. This community has been huge source of support for me & so has my girlfriend & I do what I can to support her & I don't really worry about what stereotype either of us may fall under.

There are positives & negatives with anything including conforming to the male stereotype. In some situations what you consider being weak can be very bad but what also what you see as being weak might could be very positive in other situations. My girlfriend loves that I'm more sensitive, supportive, & affectionate than the stereotypical guy. I've always been very physically weak compared to the stereotypical guy even when I was working & the jobs I had were doing manual labor like dish-washing & custodian. Sure being physically weak can be problematic sometimes. I can get tired fast when carrying stuff. I should try to start getting in the habit of working out a tad but I will never be physically strong, I mostly want to be healthier physically & have more stamina.

I def think that American society has a problem with men being weak. I cant judge for other places because I never been outside this country & most of the people I've talked to online or read stuff by have been from here but I think that the real problem is with society for trying to quickly toss people into categories & single people out if they don't conform. We should be allowed to be who we are & want to be instead of being hung up on if we fit a certain mold or not.


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"

~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"

~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition