Do you have trouble with prioritization?

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Or, perhaps the more apt question is: do you have trouble insofar as other people criticizing your sense of prioritization?

IME, I had a few times when I didn't realize that I was (de-)prioritizing the wrong things until someone (a co-worker, my boss or my wife / gf) pointed it out to me. It seems to have improved in more recent years though (I'm in my late 40s now).

On more than one occasion, ranging from my teens in P/T fast-food jobs to my late 30s in analytical type work, I was criticized and even given a performance improvement plan on the basis of not prioritizing the most important tasks - as you might expect, that was due to what they now call the "double empathy problem", where each side of the AS and NT equation assumes that the other is on the same wavelengths, so doesn't bother to "check in" with each other.

And of course, we disproportionately take the blame for this, despite being conscientious and putting in MORE effort than the other side. But I digress...

I've also heard stories of other Aspies being told to "just take care of this" which is a relatively minor task, and then spend too much time on it - like obsessively to perfection - when the unspoken expectation is to return to the main task at hand. Like one anecdote I read about a female Aspie who worked in a daycare, was told by a colleague to "just clean those bottles in the sink, they've been lying there" - and so she thoroughly scrubbed them and rinsed them, then the upset colleague came back to the kitchen and said "what are you still doing here??? you didn't need to spend THAT much time on this, you're needed back in the room with the kids!! !"

I really think the only way of avoiding these unintended differences of "priority perception" is to talk it out at first, like ask your boss or more senior colleague, "what what you say are currently the top 3 or 4 priorities here"? Then ask if those priorities are subject to change at any time, and what might trigger that change. You probably don't want to ask too many questions after that though, lest you be regarded as "special" before they have a chance to find that out otherwise

That was one of my big masking strategies in the workplace, to mask my lack of "common sense" as conscientiousness. For the most part, it worked...

Severely.

Yes.

Even the basics -- I don't usually know which is more important and which is more urgent unless prompted.

To me, the moment a task is given, it is taken as 'do it now' and all equally important.
Because my range and reach of thought is usually muffled by some damn fog -- I don't actually have this issue without it.

To actually have me prioritize right takes too much effort, too many internal steps -- steps I can't access as long as I'm 'ill' with whatever this is.
So I'd end up with partial guessing based on the nature of the task itself instead of reason behind the task itself.

Anything that is supposedly 'later' is usually missed by forgetting, or is done out of mismanagement of time even with specific times.
Maybe, especially with specifics.

It does not help that the amount of time I finish a task varies too widely.
Assuming the best and fastest would spell disasters, while assuming the worst and slowest would likely be a waste of time and productivity.
There are no 'averages', only a 'range' and on top of other factors outside my control.


And... Even if I do fine with passive like priorities -- I may ended up forgetting it or sometimes failing to uphold it.
Or due to limited range and reach of thought, perceives it as conflicting with some otherwise long-term or short-term active tasks.

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Apparently...? My mom always says I focus too much on irrelevant things, and I seem to always do something wrong in her eyes when I try to help her at housework. I say "in her eyes" because I can run my own household just fine on my own, so it can't be completely my fault.

I haven't really had any trouble with prioritizing wrong things at work, but this probably has a lot to do with the fact that I tend to ask questions if I'm even a little unsure. That and I've tended to have superiors who've made it very clear if they want something done as soon as possible.

I remember reading some book, I think it was "An Anthropologist on Mars" by the late neurologist and author Oliver Sacks - some anecdote about a man who'd suffered a TBI and it adversely affected that region of the brain that deals with prioritization, and his legal career went down the tubes after that. Colleagues remarked about how he'd insist on the most banal priorities, even things that you and I would know are not high priorities.

But I'm 99.99% sure that the affected brain region is also impacted in us spectrumites, albeit to a lesser degree than in his case.

Like everything else that comes with ASD/HFA, if we're explicitly told what tasks or activities are higher priority, or the ranking of priorities of each - and those remain relatively constant - then we can perform very highly. But as long as the NTs "in charge" assume that we have the same mindset, that we just know through osmosis or hive-mind or what-have-you what the implicit priorities are based on pragmatics, "the big picture", and ToM, then that's where a disconnect can occur. So as at least another poster has alluded to, the best way to deal with that is to explicitly ask, but not to pepper with sub-questions for minute detail. And just hope that you're not dealing with a toxic personality

I used to.

Growing up I was given orders more often than education, sheltered too much by my parents, and been misguided by bullies trying to make me their servant. And then when left on my own, I lost myself in the security of perfectionism.

New environments and jobs were troublesome, to say the least. I didn't know enough about most things to feel confident with making my own decisions, much less within the time-sensitive deadlines of other people's expectations. And it wasn't until much later in life that I realized that my requirements for feeling confident about taking action are MUCH higher than the average person, not to mention the lengthy and detailed analysis I do when trying to learn and figure things out.

It wasn't till I was in my early-mid 20's that I started learning enough to start prioritizing things properly, and mid-late 20's where I was completely confident thinking for myself and sticking to my guns regarding the optimal way of doing things.

It's interesting to see the visual disorderly-ness around me compared to my partner. Whilst my NT partner is scatterbrained, she makes no mess around her. I oscillate between being dysfunctionally messy and OCD hyper organised. This is a direct result of my executive function and difficulties prioritising and finishing tasks.

I just don't want to say no to stuff.
I want to do a lot. I have to accept that I will have to make choices in life.

Oh, yes.

I can make a list but they all seem to be high priority. All the tasks spin around in my brain clamoring for attention. Sometimes I just go back to bed and put my head under the covers.

Sometimes I pick just one task and tell all the others to shut up. I can get that one task done and feel pretty good about it, but just as I take that one relaxing breath, all the others rush back in.

What does work well is to ask someone I trust. And then just do what is suggested without questioning priorities. Obviously I can’t do that often.

Yes