Finding it difficult to make friends at uni, any ideas?

Page 1 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

ConfusedFresher
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 6 Oct 2021
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: UK

07 Oct 2021, 8:16 am

Title.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 8:19 am

Idea: Forget about making friends.  You are there to earn a degree, not to be popular.



ConfusedFresher
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 6 Oct 2021
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: UK

07 Oct 2021, 8:24 am

Fnord wrote:
Idea: Forget about making friends.  You are there to earn a degree, not to be popular.


Um but I want friends



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 8:30 am

ConfusedFresher wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Idea: Forget about making friends.  You are there to earn a degree, not to be popular.
Um but I want friends
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.



Flown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,644
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

07 Oct 2021, 8:34 am

ConfusedFresher wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Idea: Forget about making friends.  You are there to earn a degree, not to be popular.


Um but I want friends


I'm not great at making friends, but I DID make a couple of lifelong friends (with whom I'm still in some contact to this day) there.

I would suggest:
1) Sitting near people who seem to be of similar intelligence or have similar interests (this may take a few weeks of observation). Despite my shyness (and hiding in the corner of the classroom), I still somehow attracted people!

2) Joining interest groups or clubs at your college (not one I have much experience with, but i've heard that it can be helpful)

3) Displaying your interests on t-shirts, pin badges, stickers, etc...which may then attract people who have similar interests.

4) Joining study groups with other serious students.


_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ


Last edited by Flown on 07 Oct 2021, 8:38 am, edited 1 time in total.

Flown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,644
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

07 Oct 2021, 8:37 am

Fnord wrote:
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.

I don't see why a person cannot try for both? Making friends in study groups may even aid in the acquisition of said degree.


_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 8:39 am

Flown wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.
I don't see why a person cannot try for both? Making friends in study groups may even aid in the acquisition of said degree.
MAY and MAY NOT.  Friends are irrelevant to earning a degree, and are only 'friendly' for their own advancement.

But, hey ... if someone wants to waste valuable study time by making friends, then their eventual failure is not on me!



funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,691
Location: I'm right here

07 Oct 2021, 8:43 am

Fnord wrote:
Flown wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.
I don't see why a person cannot try for both? Making friends in study groups may even aid in the acquisition of said degree.
MAY and MAY NOT.  Friends are irrelevant to earning a degree, and are only 'friendly' for their own advancement.

But, hey ... if someone wants to waste valuable study time by making friends, then their eventual failure is not on me!


Most people in university are able to balance those concerns, it seems fair to assume OP is likely able to do so as well.


_________________
Be reasonable, demand the impossible.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 8:49 am

funeralxempire wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Flown wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.
I don't see why a person cannot try for both? Making friends in study groups may even aid in the acquisition of said degree.
MAY and MAY NOT.  Friends are irrelevant to earning a degree, and are only 'friendly' for their own advancement.  But, hey ... if someone wants to waste valuable study time by making friends, then their eventual failure is not on me!
Most people in university are able to balance those concerns, it seems fair to assume OP is likely able to do so as well.
If that was true, then he would not be asking for ideas on "Finding it difficult to make friends at uni".



magz
Forum Moderator
Forum Moderator

User avatar

Joined: 1 Jun 2017
Age: 36
Gender: Female
Posts: 11,496
Location: Poland

07 Oct 2021, 8:53 am

Finding/forming a group for studying together helped with both friendship and degree.


_________________
Let's not confuse being normal with being mentally healthy.


funeralxempire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2014
Age: 36
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 14,691
Location: I'm right here

07 Oct 2021, 8:55 am

Fnord wrote:
funeralxempire wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Flown wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Do you want friends more than you need a degree?  Learn to prioritize your needs over your wants.
I don't see why a person cannot try for both? Making friends in study groups may even aid in the acquisition of said degree.
MAY and MAY NOT.  Friends are irrelevant to earning a degree, and are only 'friendly' for their own advancement.  But, hey ... if someone wants to waste valuable study time by making friends, then their eventual failure is not on me!
Most people in university are able to balance those concerns, it seems fair to assume OP is likely able to do so as well.
If that was true, then he would not be asking for ideas on "Finding it difficult to make friends at uni".


Do OPs struggles disprove what I said about most people?
OP is only one person, not most people; she'd like to join their ranks and her current struggles aren't proof that she can't achieve both, they only prove that she has yet to figure out how to.

If someone's problem is that they're struggling to make friends telling them you don't need friends isn't help towards that goal.


_________________
Be reasonable, demand the impossible.
戦争ではなく戦争と戦う


Flown
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 19 Sep 2016
Gender: Non-binary
Posts: 1,644
Location: Ƹ̵̡Ӝ̵̨̄Ʒ

07 Oct 2021, 9:33 am

Fnord wrote:
Friends are irrelevant to earning a degree, and are only 'friendly' for their own advancement.

But, hey ... if someone wants to waste valuable study time by making friends, then their eventual failure is not on me![/color]


This is a really grim view. It is unreasonable to tell someone to "forget about making friends" for multiple years of their life. One shouldn't have to put life on "pause" for the sake of a degree. I can't stand by this view at all, and I think it could even be an invitation for mental health decline. The OP obviously thinks it is worth her time, and it isn't your place to say whether it is a "waste".

Furthermore, you seem to be making the assumption that everyone going to college has the sole goal of attaining a degree. I'm sorry if your experience at uni led you to believe that every person there was only there to take advantage of you or those around them, but in all actuality this just isn't realistic. College can be potential opportunity for neurodivergent people to meet similar people, find their bearings in this ridiculously difficult world, and even grow their special interests (alongside others).

I wouldn't have called myself a "social butterfly"(I think I'm incapable of that) ---and I still had many struggles of course-- but the friendships I DID manage to make in college were long-lasting and very special. I have been out of college for many years, but I still remain in contact with these friends to this day. I consider them to be a part of my family. My acquisition of these friends had nothing to do with popularity (we were complete nerds, and the rest of our classmates thought we were weirdos) or the advancement of my degree. We helped each other study, shared similar special interests, and even comforted each other during tough times.


_________________
ૂི•̮͡• ૂ ྀ


Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 9:39 am

No one is required to follow my advice, and this would not be the first time I have posted advice on this website and been roundly admonished for it.  Sure, the OP is encouraged to go make friends if he wants; but while he is making those friends and hanging out with them, I hope he remembers this simple bit of wisdom...

"Education, Friends, Sleep -- Choose Any Two."



ConfusedFresher
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 6 Oct 2021
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: UK

07 Oct 2021, 1:02 pm

Fnord wrote:
No one is required to follow my advice, and this would not be the first time I have posted advice on this website and been roundly admonished for it.  Sure, the OP is encouraged to go make friends if he wants; but while he is making those friends and hanging out with them, I hope he remembers this simple bit of wisdom...
"Education, Friends, Sleep -- Choose Any Two."


I think we may have found either a. A troll or b. A teacher.



ConfusedFresher
Hummingbird
Hummingbird

Joined: 6 Oct 2021
Age: 18
Gender: Female
Posts: 18
Location: UK

07 Oct 2021, 1:04 pm

Flown wrote:
ConfusedFresher wrote:
Fnord wrote:
Idea: Forget about making friends.  You are there to earn a degree, not to be popular.


Um but I want friends


I'm not great at making friends, but I DID make a couple of lifelong friends (with whom I'm still in some contact to this day) there.

I would suggest:
1) Sitting near people who seem to be of similar intelligence or have similar interests (this may take a few weeks of observation). Despite my shyness (and hiding in the corner of the classroom), I still somehow attracted people!

2) Joining interest groups or clubs at your college (not one I have much experience with, but i've heard that it can be helpful)

3) Displaying your interests on t-shirts, pin badges, stickers, etc...which may then attract people who have similar interests.

4) Joining study groups with other serious students.


Thank a for your actual advice :)
It is pretty early in the term anyway.



Fnord
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 May 2008
Age: 64
Gender: Male
Posts: 51,945
Location: Stendec

07 Oct 2021, 2:57 pm

↑ Actual advice, or advice with which you agree?