Kink talk

Post Reply New Topic

A bunch of my coworkers and I were hanging out after work yesterday, and the conversation somehow ended up being about sex and kinks. Of course I did not have any sexual experiences of my own to talk about. It was a painful reminder of a whole side of human experiences that I'm forever locked out of because I was born different.

One of the ladies said "if I have to give instruction, we're done." This is a sentiment I've heard from women many times: men, especially by my age, are expected to be sexually experienced. Nobody wants to be with a 40-year-old virgin.

I've been told I need to get out more. Someone at work said something to that effect a few weeks ago. But who will I hang out with? When I hang out with people my own age, they all have been through marriage and divorce and have kids that are 17 or 18 years old. They've been parents nearly half their lives. They have established careers and homes and mortgages. Not only do I have nothing in common with these people, but it is outright embarrassing and makes me feel like a a f**king loser. But when I hang out with younger people I feel like an old weirdo pervert.

I’m not into “kinks” at all.

It’s only “perverted” if you hang out with high school girls. Women 18 or older are adults.

It’s not uncommon to see young ladies with older men. My father married someone 25 years younger than him—and the marriage lasted 31 years, until he passed away.

Then he must have been either exceptionally tall and handsome of extremely successful financially. Or he settled for an unattractive women.

My father died broke. And she was a rather gorgeous woman.

He was about middle class at the time he married her. He looked like Phil Donahue. He was about 5 foot 10.

Many younger women happen to like older men. It’s a fact.

Older men with financial success and/or high social status.

No, just simply not being an immature boy is often enough.

You would assert that I'm an immature boy despite knowing nothing about me. Can't say I'm surprised.

Where did I say that about you? I'm paraphrasing what younger women I've dated have told me they've appreciated about me being older.

Why would you say that if you were not assuming I'm an immature boy?

Because I was challenging your assumptions that it's due to high social status or financial success. I've certainly never enjoyed either of those while attempting to find a partner and it's insulting for you to act like those are the only reasons why one might have success where you have failed.

My bad. I got the impression that you were strawmaning me. No clue where I could've gotten that idea from.

You realize from where I'm standing it appeared you were strawmaning me by claiming that the only way I could have succeeded where you haven't was due to traits I don't have and have never possessed.

I realize you likely were giving yourself another excuse for why things can't work the way you'd like them to and not actually considering me or anyone else who's had romantic success but the end result was still relying on the strawman that one can only have success based on material benefits they have to offer a partner.

Edit: Was this always in The Haven? I thought it was in Adult Issues.

Well, obviously I don't know anything about you. But there could be any number of factors involved.

One possible factor that would have a huge impact is family and community. Having family members, friends, family friends, and an extensive social network that you have access to through those relationships can act as a network that works to help a person find prospective partners. I do not have access to any such network. My family all live abroad in a far away country and I have not seen any of them in several years. Furthermore, they and nearly everyone they know are Muslims, and no Muslim woman or her family would consider marrying anyone who is not a Muslim. One of the most common types of extended social networks that help people meet prospective partners are churches and religious communities, and as an atheist I do not belong to any such community. I do not have many friends, and the ones I do don't have any single friends.

I could be mistaken, but from what you are saying I get the impression that you are somewhat older than me. At least here in the US, social relationships and connections in general have been steadily deteriorating. As aspies, this hit us the first and the hardest. Being older, this may have not been as big a problem for someone your age as it has been for me.

Now I don't mean to be assuming any of this as facts. They are just speculations of some of the possible factors that may help explain why you and I have had different outcomes. And there's no telling how many other such factors could be in play that I don't even know that I don't know about.

Additionally, I know nothing about the women you've had relationships with. It is possible that none of them would appeal to me.

The more you lament....the more likely you will have a reason to lament in the future.

I'm already past that threshold.

Options:

Could find a woman your age who's kink is being with a virgin.

Could make being an old weirdo pervert your own kink and find a young woman into that.

Also, this thread reminds me why some people on here seriously discuss hiring a pro to gain experience, teach/show them. It is an option if it gets you passed your mental hurdles and makes you feel more confident talking to women in general. You could seek a pro and specify that you're looking for someone patient to teach/show you things, to bring you up to speed on that side of life. Exchange emails, find one you click with, make arrangements to meet. It is an actual option and many choose to exercise it. You could always start another thread and ask specifically about others' experiences with that and see what advice they have.