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kraftiekortie
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09 Nov 2021, 12:50 pm

Good luck!



dtcyankee
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09 Nov 2021, 5:21 pm

Thanks. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again that everything feels great when I’m with her in person. It’s the in between when my anxiety seems to go off the rails.



dtcyankee
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10 Nov 2021, 3:12 pm

She mentioned to me today how it’s an open door policy at her new place and I can come over whenever I want. I’d take that as a good sign, but I don’t want to just invite myself over even though it sounded like she’d be okay with it.



dtcyankee
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02 Dec 2021, 9:04 pm

Sometimes I just wish I knew what it felt like to be cared about



kraftiekortie
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02 Dec 2021, 11:00 pm

She seems to care about you.



IsabellaLinton
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03 Dec 2021, 12:08 am

Hi dtcyankee,

I just noticed your thread. I don't read Love and Dating very much. I'm sorry you feel so anxious and confused, and that your last relationship ended badly. Where do things stand now? I'm curious to know what your first three dates were. Where did you go or what did you do? It doesn't seem like they happened in a work environment since you kissed her. Can you repeat some of those dates and go to the same location, or somewhere similar? Also regarding the dog walk - since she seemed interested overall would you be comfortable to invite her on a dog walk ahead of time? My first date with my bf was walking our dogs together. I liked that because it was public, low pressure, and we could talk to the dogs or just play with them if we ran out of conversation lol. Maybe you could say, "Would you like to pick a day when you're available for our walk, or would you like to go somewhere else?"

This may sound premature but at the 3 - 4 date stage when you've met her family, it's perfectly reasonable to discuss whether or not you want to be exclusive. "I really like you and I don't want to see anyone else. Would you like to be my girlfriend?" One of my ex's asked me flat out "Will you be my girlfriend?" and I thought it was the sweetest thing because it took away the grey area / confusion of whether or not it was just a work fling. I hate having to make inferences or assume when I'm with a person.

If she wants to be your girlfriend I assume things might get more physical over time. That's why it's important to know if you are being exclusive in terms of ... sexual hygiene ... and protection. You can be honest and tell her that you like her a lot and you don't want to mess things up by seeing her too often or not often enough. A sincere person should be honest with you, without dicking you around or flirting with / seeing other people on the side.

I hope this helps.


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dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 5:53 am

Sorry guys, the anxiety has just been getting the best of me of late.

She works in the restaurant of the golf course that I work at and they close down for the season every December-March. Maybe knowing that I won’t be able to stop by and see her at work is making me a little crazy right now. I am also trying to find a new job and move out of home, but that’s a whole different issue.

I’m pretty sure we know we are exclusive to one other without really having said it. She told me she has never really seen a guy in her life and I’ve only had one serious relationship so our combined lack of experience is a factor here I think. We mutually agreed on spending Christmas together and buy each other presents and all that and also said we loved each other the last we were out on a date. She has told me she wants me to meet her best friends and parents and I have said the same to her. Last week we went to dinner and then her place after for a little bit and I helped her and the woman she is living with cook a little bit for Thanksgiving. And then on Friday I took her to a hockey game and it was great again like every time I am with her in person. Holding hands, etc, all that good stuff.

She is admittedly a terrible texter and prefers face to face and I’m the same way. Maybe that’s where knowing I’m not going to be seeing her at work is making me a little loopy right now.

She has mentioned that we should do some double dates with her sister and boyfriend and her friend and her fiancé at trivia nights, etc, things like that and I thought was a great idea honestly.


There’s a lot more that I haven’t said, but now that I’ve vented about all this so far I think I just need to take a big deep breath and tell myself everything is great with her.

Sorry if this is all so confusing



Nades
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03 Dec 2021, 6:28 am

Well I see you are indeed taking it slow but remember to know your limits. At your age you need to be aware of the cards you're dealt and work with and waiting for a year in your 30s is very different to waiting year in your teens to early 20s.

Women have biological clocks and to an extent so do men as there are limits to the age gap you can realistically maintain. Most 40 year old men are not going to get with a woman in their 20s and autistic men are at an even bigger disadvantage.

Use your months with her wisely and call it quits if things don't progress fast enough. You need to be aware of the cards mother nature have dealt you.



Last edited by Nades on 03 Dec 2021, 10:16 am, edited 1 time in total.

dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 10:11 am

I am 31 and she is 26.



IsabellaLinton
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03 Dec 2021, 10:22 am

It sounds like things are going really well for you. Congratulations!


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dtcyankee
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03 Dec 2021, 12:13 pm

We are going ice skating now next weekend. See what I mean with my anxiety taking over lol.



kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2021, 12:58 pm

Does she know how to ice skate?

If not, you can teach her.



Nades
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03 Dec 2021, 1:14 pm

dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.



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03 Dec 2021, 1:24 pm

Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.



kraftiekortie
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03 Dec 2021, 1:29 pm

"Biological clocks" shouldn't even be a thing for people in their 20s and 30s.

I know someone who had twins at age 55.....and she's still healthy enough to keep up with them now that they are 13 years old.



Nades
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03 Dec 2021, 1:37 pm

Sweetleaf wrote:
Nades wrote:
dtcyankee wrote:
I am 31 and she is 26.


Then go slow but don't shoot yourself in the foot in doing so.

Regardless of what people tell you, even on WP, be aware that like women you have your own biological clock yourself.

A year lost in your teens to early 20s is completely different to a year lost in your early 30s. If you sink a fruitless year in your 30s into her that amounts to nothing it might be a very nastily blow and might make the difference between having a happy family and dying childless and alone. Remember your likely an autistic man in your 30s at the end of the day.

Some members of WP might get very angry with what I just said but ignore them. You know the cards you were dealt and you need to play them.


O.P and his girlfriend may not be interested in having children, so might not be as big a factor for them.


What you said is a very real possibility. It depends on the OP's preferences. At the OP's age he needs to be cut throat to an extent assuming he does want a family.

Male of female. Twiddling your thumbs in your 30s for a partner to find her "confidence" might be a mistake. I certainly wouldn't expect a female to wait a year for someone to find their confidence if she was in her 30s that's for sure. Same applies to a male.

If someone is knowingly dating another in their 30s+ then they need to be a mature adult and know that time is of the essence for their potential partner. Knowing the reality of a situation and adapting is all part of being an adult. Assuming being 30+ isn't a factor in dating is just being an idiot however.

(not aimed at you, just speaking the truth from a male the same age as the OP.)