How would you “grade” your social skills?

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I've come up with a list of common social skills, in no particular order.


Communication - B+, I don't have a problem communicating in general with family, partner and colleagues, such as asking for things or problem solving, etc

Assertiveness - C average, because I'm assertive to people I know well but being a people-pleaser I find it hard to be assertive with most people

Listening - C average, although I have a short attention span, I don't interrupt people mid-sentence or abruptly change the subject, so I'll say I do excel in listening when it comes to people chatting to me, but I might fail at actually taking it in

Compassionate empathy/sympathy - A+, most people confide in me and can trust me, and I naturally feel the emotional states of others. I am also good at predicting other people's feelings and reactions (putting myself in their shoes)

Cognitive empathy - B, I don't generally have issues with cognitive empathy (which is recognising facial expressions, tone of voice and body language), although I can sometimes get confused with how to approach people without being too instrusive or too aloof. I'm not sure if this comes under empathy or not?

Making friends - E, despite the social skills I do have ''high grades'' in, I still seem to fail at making friends with my NT peers, so I do often suffer social isolation and subtle or ''polite'' social rejection (like being ghosted)

Romance - A+, I seem to have excellent natural skills when it comes to boyfriends, maybe because of my good compassionate empathy abilities. Even NTs have gone to me for relationship advice!

Respect - C average, I say C average because I don't feel obliged to have to tolerate everybody's life choices, but I do have more respect than average on tolerating neurodiversity. But I don't tell people hurtful things although I can talk about them to others or listen to gossip. But I think a lot of NTs would score low on respect to be honest

Political correctness - E, OK I am not the most politically correct person, although I know when to keep my mouth shut it can be hard on internet forums because there's more pressure to be politically correct on the internet than there is among my family and work colleagues

Sense of humour - A+, I have a good sense of humour and I often find the funny side of things and can make others laugh, I can also get most jokes and sarcasm

Lying - A, I think, because I can make up believable lies if I want, but I usually only use my lying skills when I really need to, not to look cocky or screw people over

Expressing and understanding emotion - C average, I say C average because although I don't have difficulties expressing or understanding my or other's emotions, I can overshare or overexpress my emotions to the point where I am whiny or talk too much

Communicating with strangers - D, because I get shy around strangers and so don't often find myself having full-blown conversations, but I know how to talk to a stranger if I have to

Self-awareness - A, I have good self-awareness but it doesn't always get me far because it makes me socially phobic in public

Masking - C average, this is a difficult one, because sometimes I don't always know when I'm masking and when I'm not, as I often automatically mask without realising but I also am capable of showing my true self too. I consciously mask most of the time when I'm in public places because I feel strangers judge me more and don't like it when you express any sort of emotion especially when you're on your own, you're under pressure to look calm and cool all the time which is hard when you feel agitated and impatient easily like I do, I sometimes have to express it through facial expressions which strangers do not like

Self-confidence - F, I am not very confident in myself at all, I am sensitive to criticism and I usually take things personally even if deep down I know it's not personal. I am very sensitive to people's behaviour towards me and I find myself analyzing how I get treated vs how others get treated by the same people, this can spiral into depression and social anxiety

Conversation - D, while I'm good at communicating, sometimes during a conversation I may sound disinterested in the other person because of not asking them enough questions about themselves, I think this might contribute to my difficulty making friends, but it's not like I don't know the cue of when to ask a question, my brain tells me to but my tongue doesn't want to, so instead of saying ''oh, why don't you like XYZ?'' I'll just utter ''oh'' (in a sympathetic tone of voice) or something like that. But people prefer verbal give and take during conversations

Eye contact - B, I have to say B because eye contact is usually natural when interacting with people but when passing strangers in the street I find it really hard (in fact painful) to look at them, I don't know why that is, but it sometimes makes being out in public hard because usually eye contact is natural for me so I have to consciously stop myself from making eye contact with strangers, I just can't bear to see them staring at me if they are, so I tend to look ahead or look down to give off the impression that I don't want to be looked at, although it doesn't work really, it just makes them stare even more because they're alarmed that I'm not making eye contact with them

Regulating voice - D, I don't speak in monotone but I do have a habit of mumbling (it might be low muscle tone in my jaw or have something to do with my top teeth which are rather large), but most people don't hear me and I'm often asked to repeat what I said, also my voice can get swallowed up in background noise so it makes it hard to speak up in noisy environents

Joining in - E, while I've got better at speaking up in a group, I still struggle a bit because I'm scared of social rejection, like the famous ''I wasn't talking to you'' stuff, which really hurts when people say this - depending on the way they say it of course (like if someone was talking directly at someone else and I rudely butted in or answered for them then I understand why I might be told that, but if I'm just casually taking part in an ''open'' group conversation or smalltalk, I don't think being told that is very nice and is humiliating)

Explaining things - E, I'm OK at explaining using simple vocabulary, but I tend to around the houses because I can't always think of better words to explain things


I could go on and on actually, as there are loads and loads of different social skills we humans probably don't even think about, but I think I'll stop here. So, in conclusion, my social skills aren't bad, but I have hidden social awkwardness, which means it's not enough to be able to pinpoint where I'm going wrong but it's enough to make my NT peers think subconsciously ''there's something off about Joe90 that I can't pinpoint what exactly, so I don't really want her as a friend''. The social skills I got the lowest grades in probably contribute to it too but those are being worked on.

Disclaimer: I typed this on my computer instead of on my phone so do pardon any typos (my computer doesn't have predictive text or error checker), and yes I can't be bothered to proof read.

I'm good enough to survive---but not good enough to be a leader.

I'd probably give myself a C+, but it really does depend on the social situation. I still have to prepare myself and often stumble and all, but once I feel sort of comfortable in a certain context and with the people I am around, it's not so bad.

I've gotten better over the years. It was pretty much "F" across the board up until the time I was a young adult. But then, I steadily improved, to the point where I get a "passing grade" most of the time at age 60.

I don't have many friends at all. Maybe two or so that I've kept a little contact with over the years.

I'm extraverted at times----but, in reality, I mostly keep to myself. I'm not a hermit--but I'm not a social butterfly, either.

I spend most of my time at home, alone or with my wife, surfing the Net on my tablet.

im good at being authoritave at work with the public and im not afraid to assert myself i can even be quite loud im often called hitler by people so anyway with that i think i give myself a A

in irrational social interaction i say im a F even tho im married hes not 100% nt and we have each other but i am not on others wavelength and i dont have much cognitive or compassion empathy at all i really dont

when i used to drink and do drugs i would be a A but naivity made me a F

C on a good day ... D on the average. i always presume my skills are better than they really are. .
the masking issues cause me to want to not engage socially most often. Physical issues around Autism , can really impair these grades .

Childhood to around 18 - F
Around 18 to around 30 - A+
Around 30 to 40 - Nonexistant
Around 40 to now - C on a good day, trending towards F

I don't see what I'm doing different!

/Mats

Yeah I know. When I was a kid I used to always talk to old men (or dirty old men). I just used to love hearing there stories an jokes. Most of it was probably highly inappropriate for a child of my age back then and then I would go round to younger people and relay all this inappropriate information that I had learned to them. I would say my social skills back then were good but risky. I also had an alter ego who was male and Greek. I would go to this housing estate miles away from home to play and my alter would come out. I would say even with that My social skills were of a high quality but my behaviour was risky.

I came from a household that was abusive and I had to learn to survive. I was into all kinds of crime and stuff at a young age - again My behaviour was risky but I had learned a style of communication and that was quite sophisticated for my age and I had charm and I was surviving. I would give my child self an A*. I went through quite a few years where I became quite reclusive but this was because I found a safe place to stay and I didn't need to survive and think on my feet. But I would definitely say that over the last few years I have kind of come back to life again.

You're probably the same it's just that circumstances and the people around you have changed. Maybe...im no expert.

it depends on the social "thing" I am attempting. performance varies, fluctuates, sometimes I am brilliant (my perspective at least) and other times I am a cowering, bumbling, cringing , heap of insecurities and sick to my stomach, have a blinding headache, tremble inside and can't speak. Performance is all over the place depending on who, what, when, where, why, how.... very unsatisfactory due to unpredictability.

I won't grade my social skills based on traits.
I rather grade mine based on performance.

Traits are easy. Traits are trainable. Performance is an outcome from said traits. Traits can rendered relevant or irrelevant in performance.


Both still graded unknown with me though.
Having and not having all said graded traits is still independent from my performance.

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