Are any of you jealous of how successful some people are?
BugsBunnyFan
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Joined: 21 Nov 2021
Age: 27
Gender: Female
Posts: 110
Location: Bugs Bunny in a dress
Definitely. I really don’t have much of a life path beyond avoiding OCD. I guess I’m pretty “successful” at avoiding OCD, but I really have nothing to show for it. It makes me pretty isolated because all people like to talk about is how your life is going.
My special interest is studying Hebrew, but at the same time I have no desire to make anything of it. I don’t want to be a translator(they don’t make enough money) or move to Israel(I wouldn’t survive there from what I’ve heard about it.) I get annoyed when people make me make something out of it. The most I get out of Hebrew is avoiding boredom and OCD.
I hope I can make programming my special interest and end up with a high paying job. Even if the rest of my life isn’t successful at least I’ll have a high paying job. I already have some genuine interest in machine learning, so maybe I can turn that interest into something that actually has a chance of getting me a job.
sometimes i feel a brief burst of envy, (like somebody driving a souped up ferrari) but i know its illogical cause i know they worked for it, and it a karma thing. its just desiring something you have at the moment and haven't put forth the effort to attain. wanting instant gratification without all the trouble that goes with a thing.
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AQ: 27 Diagnosis:High functioning (just on the cusp of normal.) IQ:131 (somewhat inflated result but ego-flattering) DNA:XY Location: UK. Eyes: Blue. Hair: Brown. Height:6'1 Celebrity I most resemble: Tom hardy. Favorite Band: The Doors. Personality: uhhm ....(what can i say...we asd people are strange)
So I'm not the type to be jealous of people individually, I'm just jealous of the whole NT population - from a neurological context that is, not cultural backgrounds or living situations. Just jealous of anyone with the typical brain wiring humans are supposed to have, because they don't know they're born when it comes to socialising (unless maybe they are held back by social anxiety, PTSD or shyness). But most just know how to say the right things at the right times and gain friendships. I'm jealous of that skill. NTs are such savants.
I think you view NT’s too highly. They have bad qualities like every single person has. And us autistics have certain qualities NT’s don’t have. It varies from person to person. But many autistics I meet tend to have really big hearts, have sensitivity, really open minded and flexible thinking, etc.
Yes, NT’s can do more than us but some of us are blessed with certain talents as well.
Remember the quote “Different. Not less”?
I know it’s easy to compare ourselves to NT’s but I disagree that they are savants compared to us. Every life has equal value. People can slap ego and status all they want. What matters most is being a good person.
"Are any of you jealous of how successful some people are?"
Sort of, sometimes. Mostly I just felt sorry for myself for not being able to do some of the things other people could do. I'd beat myself up and just push myself harder, but of course only when there was a path I knew I could follow. For example, I had no idea how to get physically stronger. Also, I could never figure out why, although I was really good at video games, I always hit a ceiling when it came to the finest of motor skills and timing.
And then the era of social platforms and the curated content of other people lives began. That s**t really hit me hard. It made me compare myself to the lives of richer people who often party, travel and spend money on expensive food, drink and fashion. It was the dumbest of pissing contests.
After the research on the effects of such social sharing platforms came out and made me realize how unhealthy all of that was, I'm glad I ditched it all.
There's so much other and better things you can spend your time on.
Life isn't fair, people aren't born equal (not to mention different). Comparing yourself to people who have all kinds of advantages or differences you lack is just pissing on your own pillow. It's a stupid endeavor, and any time your brain tries to put you on track for thinking about it you should put a stop to it immediately and remind yourself how dumb it is.
Just work on bettering yourself and your life.
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Thank you deeply for sharing your experiences. I don't feel so alone anymore.
ASPartOfMe
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Joined: 25 Aug 2013
Age: 66
Gender: Male
Posts: 34,249
Location: Long Island, New York
It depends on the successful person.
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Professionally Identified and joined WP August 26, 2013
DSM 5: Autism Spectrum Disorder, DSM IV: Aspergers Moderate Severity
“My autism is not a superpower. It also isn’t some kind of god-forsaken, endless fountain of suffering inflicted on my family. It’s just part of who I am as a person”. - Sara Luterman
What is the measure of success? LOL
My male peers (including those with ASD) have done better than me professionally, while I hit a glass ceiling (hard). So, yes, I am jealous. That said, perhaps I experienced upsides to my downsides. I hope. I have probably surpassed them in EQ. Also, I'm not dead yet, so maybe there's something more to come. (Although I am not a painter, I like to think of Grandma Moses and Katsushika Hokusai.)
Sorry for the feelings of disappointment. I found a "grateful buddy" and for three years we emailed each others gratefuls every other day despite our ups and downs (we were both in a "down" period). It was helpful. Recently I've wanted to focus on what I am proud of, b/c it's so easy for me to be down on myself. I agree with the PP that it's partly cultural.
Absolutely!! I try not to be, but it makes me feel like I'm dumb or something when I think about how old I am and how little I've done in life. Then I think about someone getting a new computer... what if they got a new computer that's vastly different from all other computers, and it has NO instructions. The "normal" methods are not only wrong but mess things up... would I expect that person to have that computer set up and usable in a similar time frame than if they had received a more common computer? No! It'd take much longer! Well, I'm close to 50 and have 7 living grandchildren and am just now figuring some things out about myself. I may not have a thriving career, but I really have done a lot and should be proud!
auntblabby
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Joined: 12 Feb 2010
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Posts: 113,609
Location: the island of defective toy santas
To me success is having lots of friends, confidence, motivation, not being held back by anxiety or depression (or s**t things like autism), and having a good, well-paid career that you enjoy, and using your money to travel the world and explore with friends, family or partner.
I am not successful. I'm only good for cleaning jobs, I'll never earn much money, I can't make friends, and I am too anxious and depressed to do anything outside my comfort zone anyway.
I'm not saying nobody has problems but some people have more problems than others.
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Female
My therapist says that I am successful given my challenges. I have one good friend, a couple others. I white knuckle through my anxiety daily with much suffering. Success!! Hahahahaha. Yes and NO. I do see her point --- a person innately or circumstantially challenged has different measures. My dad is recently physically disabled and is struggling to redefine success for himself. If he tries to use past measures (or other's measures), he gets depressed. It's simple to encourage him to see his (modified) success ---- but heck if I can do that for myself. I need to lower my standards for myself.
I don't see much evidence of anybody enjoying their lives more than I enjoy mine, so I don't often envy anybody. I have a fairly strong dislike of wealthy people, but I've always had enough money for my own needs, so that's more a political thing - I think getting rich always causes poverty somewhere else, and I know of a lot of people who really struggle with money, so I get angry when I see how others accumulate and waste the stuff. I can't imagine I'd be happy to change places with them.
But socially it's another matter. Sometimes I get stuck with some group or other who seem to relate to each other better than they relate to me (or I to them), and I end up isolated. When that happens I soon start to feel disdain towards them, and I guess you could rightly call that envy or jealousy. I think it's natural enough to feel bad when you've got the fact of their getting on well together in your face, when it's impossible to avoid noticing that you're the odd one out that everybody is ignoring. I'm not saying it's all their fault, and I wouldn't want to get hostile towards them about the situation, but I just wish people in general would be a bit more sensitive towards people who get left out of activities, and try to be a little more inclusive instead of being so ableist about it. Unfortunately not many people take the trouble - if somebody at a party seems out of it, most people there will just let them rot. So my main coping strategy is to second-guess when a situation like that is going to develop, and to opt out.
I don't see envy and jealousy as quite the terrible sins they're often cracked up to be. If some people are getting more than an equal share of the good things in life, I think it's often healthy to view that as a bad situation and perhaps even to round on those who have grabbed an extra-large slice of the pie.
auntblabby
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Location: the island of defective toy santas
the people who poo-poo fairness are the ones who have had much more than their share, IMHO. and in terms of being the outlier, that ain't my fault, and it really isn't their fault either, we both just operate at different vibrational levels, IOW it is like how a 6th grader may not necessarily be able to converse on the same level as a 12th grader, and vice-versa. OR - it is like some people are "AM" and others are "FM."
Am thinking that each person defines,what their own level of success is : have been in situations where I was so medically disabled that . Getting my shoes on by myself was a great accomplishment . Had to learn to walk all over again . And that was a great accomplishment . There are things I still have not mastered that are kinda basic for other people . And I only get so far with these things . But I keep trying. It will be a very good and accomplished day, if I get to be able to figure out how to do these things for myself . But in the meantime , Very often I have to limit how I measure my own successes.
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