Perceived sexual threat Unfair or not?

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No doubt but if you're a creepy person who repels people then the answer is to work on your own creepiness, not to insist that everyone else change their opinion of what's creepy and what isn't.

You should NEVER express any such hostility.  The single most common factor in your failure to 'get' a girlfriend is YOU.  If a wide variety of women perceive you as a creep, then it is YOU whom they perceive as 'creepy', and neither they nor their perceptions are at fault.

Out of interest, what hostility has he expressed? I haven't noticed any glaring signs of hostility though I only really take interest in the occasional thread he starts.

It's a shame that absorbing that message is often blocked by one's ego. Think of how many posters we've seen over the years complain about this and then refuse to apply appropriate insight when the problem is pointed out.

The worst part is many of those guys understand the problem when they see other guys struggle but fail to recognize that it applies to themselves as well.

I think that would be the most glaring example so far.

I had to learn it the hard way; but, at least I learned it.

The hard part is sharing what I have learned with people who refuse to believe that their lack of popularity originates with themselves, and not with everyone else.  Trying to convince some people that their beliefs are wrong, and that they need to work on improving themselves has put me on more than one person's list of 'detractors'.

Well I have no idea what he's like personally but if he is actually minding his own business and doesn't dress like a tramp then he might have a point.

There are a bit to many variables in that post to really assume he's done anything wrong but that's the problem really, it's just a post. One would need to actually see him multiple times in person to know for sure.

If you review the threads he has started in the L&D subforum over the last year or so, you will also get a good idea.

I've been through learning this stuff the hard way too and I offer advice in hopes some people can jump a few steps I struggled with, but at times it seems like you can't actually offer help and need to just let people stumble and fall.

I'm not quite sure how I dodged being added to that list because near as I can tell we tend to offer similar advice, I just try to make sure to not invalidate how someone feels before telling them they're the core of their social or romantic struggles.

Speaking of, I unfortunately saw someone repeat the same self-defeating pattern they've demonstrated before and it's hard to objectively pick apart what happened in that moment because of how one's ego will naturally flinch and be defensive because of the pain, but it also was vital to have that conversation then because otherwise their ego will distort how it's recalled making it impossible to have the discussion in a constructive manner later.

It kinda seems like the chip on the shoulder that develops as a result of that defence mechanism is what gets read as creepy/threatening, but when these guys insist they're non-threatening they miss that the chip on the shoulder actually is threatening because it's a warning of someone who collects grievances and might be prone to snapping on people close to them or taking their anger out on those people in moments of exasperation or despair.

But, there's hope for those guys because there are posters on here who describe being in relationships with people who seem to suffer that issue and dealing with their partner unfairly taking out their stress after work on them.

Last edited by funeralxempire on 20 Oct 2021, 11:14 am, edited 1 time in total.

So do you guys dislike the threads I start then?


I always dress smartly when I go out

It's not a matter of liking or disliking them. It's a matter of it's a consistent pattern with no signs of improvement because instead of being integrated the advice seems to just get rejected. Too often the response seems like you'd like to debate why the advice is wrong or won't work or why the problem is everyone else.

It is the underlying misogyny that I do not like.  Otherwise, if you do not ask questions, then how else will you learn?

Trial-and-error seems to not work with you.Appearance is only one of the factors about which you need to be 'smart'.  Proper attitude, behavior, and speech are also important.

Last edited by Fnord on 20 Oct 2021, 11:22 am, edited 1 time in total.

I have done so many threads I forget or lose track of them I guess

So how about just sticking with one thread, since most of them seem to focus on the same subject?

Could be my learning difficulties why I do repetitive threads?

For what it's worth I'm not sure the problem is always misogyny even though the way it's expressed makes it indistinguishable from misogyny.

These people typically have a broader pattern of instinctively deflecting from any responsibility towards their struggles in order to protect what remains of their ego. This instinct causes their grievances in this category to always be expressed in a blaming matter which (if they're male and straight) will make it sound misogynistic and often it will lead to internalizing misogynistic attitudes, but often calling it misogyny just opens another front for them to dig in and defend their ego because they'll see all of the things that don't support that conclusion and insist that's proof their not.

Sorta like other examples where fragility causes someone to insist only the extreme cases of x count, they pull that card and you and them get lost arguing that tangent and the point is steadily lost.

x can be racism, misogyny, homophobia, etc