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Blue Jay
Blue Jay

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Joined: 1 Nov 2021
Age: 52
Gender: Male
Posts: 89

06 Nov 2021, 5:11 am

Alterity wrote:
It's a little bit complicated. I guess first off it should be said that there is a difference of feeling depressed and having depression. Depressed feelings from grief is typically considered a normal temporary thing and will actually slowly 'lighten' with time. Not that you stop being sad, just that it doesn't take up your whole day. However if the grief depression goes on too heavy and for too long then we are looking at it transforming into a clinical depression and that is a different beast. But this is what makes a claim that a person isn't/can't have depression from being lonely bull crap.

The lifestyle changes that are mentioned in the OP are probably NOT going to FIX grief depression nor a clinical depression trigger by the loss, but it WILL help. If it did completely erase your sadness at a loss, that'd be pretty dang abnormal. The things listed are things that help you regulate your body and will increase production of the "feel good" neurotransmitters. In the case of serotonin, the 'feel good' extend further than the brain but to other places of the body, particularly the gut. So it is something that affects the entire body not just your brain. A way to think of it is, if you have little to no physical strength and then you have to stack 100 bales of hay, you're probably going to feel like dying pretty quickly. But if you spend time building your muscles regularly, and then you stack 100 bales of hay you're going to have an easier time doing it, right? Living healthy (doing the things on the list) does the same kind of thing for your internal function. It helps to bolster you to deal with the low times easier, and have you be stuck in them for a shorter time.

Now a problem with the OP's help list is that it doesn't address the psychological factors. For some people it might fix their depression, but in the case of people being depressed because they have been alone/single its likely a bit more involved. Brain chemistry imbalances, hormones, circadian rhythm disruptions, genetics, trauma, a history of alcohol/drug use, certain medications, and psycho social factors(such as external causes that lead to feelings of isolation, stress, and loneliness) are all possible causes for depression. The four things listed will help with all of these but as I stated before, it's not likely to fix them (all), because human beings are not computers and depression is not simple/the same for everyone nor linear.

There also seems to be some sort of suggestion where someone that has depression or that is feeling depressed is just some kind of sad moldy potato all of the time. Yes there are some that are like that but, even suicidal people are capable of 'up' moments. Depression takes place at different levels and forms. What is coined as Smiling Depression is an example of a different from the classic expectation of what depression looks and functions like. Someone with this kind of depression may very well be able to answer yes to the four questions but of course is still suffering. And I can attest that in the past I have been able to answer yes to them, but was still dealing with depression and still got b-slapped by it when I suffered a heartbreak.

Talking about these neurotransmitters as "feel good" hormones is a gross oversimplification. Neurotransmitters are just as important for inhibiting undesired behavior, motivation, executive function, etc. If you are not doing these simple things, you will struggle with your job, school, hygiene, eating habits, weight, social life etc. You will have a lot of very "real" reasons to feel depressed. Everything you are talking about affected by the same biochemical mechanisms.

But most important mistake people make is: "there are other reasons to be depressed, therefore doing these things is optional", but in reality if you are not doing these things, clinical depression is a normal expected outcome, just like muscle distrophy is a normal expected outcome of sedentary lifestyle. Yes, maybe you have some very real, legitimate reasons to feel depressed, but it doesn't matter, if you are not doing these things, you would be depressed anyway, and probably this is one of the main reasons why you have these real problems in the first place.


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Joined: 30 Jul 2013
Age: 34
Gender: Male
Posts: 10,162
Location: Adelaide, Australia

06 Nov 2021, 5:33 am

badRobot wrote:
Single? Enjoy it!
Oh, sh*t yeah. Wanting to be in a relationship was one if the worst decisions I ever made!

I can't be alone anymore! I can't live by myself and be alone with my own thoughts :(

When you own a house together and have a child together, it's still possible to separate but it's not easy. It requires a significant investment of money and emotional labour.

I've spent time and money making improvements to our house. DIY stuff. I could lose the house and the DIY stuff with it.

She says we have enough equity on the house that if we sold it we could both buy houses. But I have to rent a house after we sell it and before I buy another one?

That means moving twice. I hate moving.

She has said that she expects me to look after our child 3 days per week if we separate. Sorry to my daughter but I am not prepared to look after a 14 month old.

Admiral Akbar was right.


The days are long, but the years are short