Autistic couples- a great or terrible thing?

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GadgetGuru
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31 Oct 2021, 9:14 am

I'm wondering if my recent notion holds any water...

A couple where both partners are autistic can be the best sort of couple OR the worst, depending on whether both have a full understanding and appreciation of the benefits and downsides of being on the spectrum.

I'm thinking that a deep mutual understanding of the altered thought processes in ASD people can lead to an unusually high level of compatibility, but when one or both partners are unaware of WHY they think and act as they do, that they will inevitably find themselves in an unrecoverable disaster?


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Texasmoneyman300
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31 Oct 2021, 9:28 am

Its funny that you mention it because I was just thinking of something similar.I can see both sides of the coin.On one hand I kind of do not want to marry an aspie because I am afraid it would make our kids more likely to be on the spectrum too.But I would not mind marrying someone who was an aspie who was pretty and we could have intellectual and philosophical discussions and get real deep into conversations especially if she was sort of like Hermoine Granger and we had similar values.



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31 Oct 2021, 10:30 am

Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
we could have intellectual and philosophical discussions and get real deep into conversations especially if she was sort of like Hermoine Granger


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Texasmoneyman300
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31 Oct 2021, 11:01 am

GadgetGuru wrote:
Texasmoneyman300 wrote:
we could have intellectual and philosophical discussions and get real deep into conversations especially if she was sort of like Hermoine Granger


Image

haha.....i just hope my wife would be smart and we could have deep discussions about things.Thats mainly what i meant.



Ettina
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31 Oct 2021, 4:28 pm

If I ever decide I want a relationship, this will probably be the kind of partner I seek out.



Tim_Tex
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31 Oct 2021, 6:47 pm

Every person on the spectrum is different, and if you've met one Aspie, you've met one Aspie.

That said, try to find someone with the same level of functioning or higher.


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31 Oct 2021, 7:06 pm

It sometimes works well when a person of one “sort” of intelligence complements (not compliments) someone with a different “sort” of intelligence.



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01 Nov 2021, 1:25 am

Honestly, looking back over it, I believe I have only ever dated guys on the spectrum.

It wasn't intentional, I just think I've never been particularly intrigued by an NT....

I can only think of one close friend I had who was quite NT/popular/social. And while I adored said person, I also felt very uncomfortable around them sometimes.

My current partner is ND and our bond and relationship is unreal. I had an ND ex who was quite toxic and came from a toxic background, though....

So really.... it takes all sorts? I do find ND folks generally more interesting to talk to than NTs.

I'm just odd and I hang with other oddfolk :lol:


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01 Nov 2021, 6:31 am

My husband is also autistic, we have a deeper level of understanding than one of us being with an NT.

We run a successful car dealership family business together, work really well together as a team etc.

He has never been able to mentally connect with an NT woman and has never loved the NT women previous because they just did not get him at all. I'm similar, except I used to get very bored of NT males because they couldn't find the correct humour in stuff.

I think because our brains function in a similar way we want someone who is on our wavelength because that just simply makes life easier, like my husband understands why I don't like clinginess - cause it's too much sensory overload, and he can understand that because he doesn't like it either. An NT on the other hand is going to get offended and not really get why you are "off with them" which results in endless explaining which is just stressful on an autism brain anyway to have to explain every little thing constantly.

I think when you find someone who matches your level of autism (or are teachable) then you're at least halfway there to having an alright relationship.


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01 Nov 2021, 7:51 am

My 2nd girlfriend was autistic as well as my 3rd which is also my current. Autism is a spectrum & two Aspies can vary greatly sometimes. I'm an Aspie who's kinda opposite of the stereotypical Aspie guy within romantic relationships. I'm clingy, needy, & I'm also very affectionate & love spending a lot of time with my partner. I'm somewhat codependent within romantic relationships. However I'm ONLY like that with my romantic partners. With everyone else I'm an extreme loner who is anti-affectionate. Only my romantic partners can break through my shell & into my very comfort zone. My 2nd girlfriend was more like the classic Aspie who wants more space & independence so we had lots of compatibility issues. My current girlfriend is more on my level with all that stuff. Me & her also both have various physical & mental issues besides autism & that's also a big reason we're compatible. Well there's a chance she isn't an Aspie but she has a brother who is & she has lots of overlapping issues. Some of our issues are very different from each other but we can both relate to what it's like being disabled in various ways. Being supportive within a romantic relationship is one of my biggest relationship strengths but I do NOT go about it the NT way. I'm NOT very compatible with NT women because I'm very direct, straightforward, have problems picking up hints, problems reading body language, problems reading tone of voice, problems reading facial expressions, NTs often misread me, I'm very awkward in general, & NOT independent financially or with life skills. Aspies are more on my level but a lot of them are still very different from me in some ways that would make romantic relationships very difficult.


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01 Nov 2021, 8:29 pm

nick007 wrote:
I'm very direct, straightforward, have problems picking up hints, problems reading body language, problems reading tone of voice, problems reading facial expressions, NTs often misread me, I'm very awkward in general


Same!! ! ^^^^

Although I will admit that after years I became somewhat able to read my partners non-verbal cues.

He is the only person on the face of the earth that I can read, though, and it wasn't like that in the beginning.


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01 Nov 2021, 10:10 pm

that1weirdgrrrl wrote:
nick007 wrote:
I'm very direct, straightforward, have problems picking up hints, problems reading body language, problems reading tone of voice, problems reading facial expressions, NTs often misread me, I'm very awkward in general


Same!! ! ^^^^

Although I will admit that after years I became somewhat able to read my partners non-verbal cues.

He is the only person on the face of the earth that I can read, though, and it wasn't like that in the beginning.
It's like that with me reading my girlfriend. I kinda know her manerisms by now. I can very ocasionally read others like if we were working togher for a while but that learning takes a bit of time maybe cuz of how slow my mental processing can be sometimes. I also very ocasionally have brief moments when I''m in the zone & things suddently click & I can read various strangers but those moments are VERY rare & very brief & I have no clue why.


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