Never met a single decent human/ Am I really that bad?

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Aspinator
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04 Nov 2021, 11:08 am

First let me say I am sorry it happened to you. When I was in the Air Force' I was stationed in the orient. The Phillippines were notorious for the type of behavior that happened to you. The woman would claim un-dieing love for you and as soon as she got to the states you were dumped. The businesses also offered GIs money to marry their girls with a guarantee you would never see them again once she arrived in the states (which was all they really wanted). Looking back; the girls were trying to escape poverty and they can't be blamed for wanting to improve their lives in this way. BTW if you look for the worst in people you will find it. You can also find the best in people if you look for it.



The_Illusive_Man
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04 Nov 2021, 12:57 pm

Thank you.

Yeah, that I can understand, someone so desperate to escape poverty that they will do anything to build a life for themselves, I can't relate of course, but I can understand why that would happen. It isnt the case here though, I was never her ticket to a green card or a visa and she certainly wasnt poor, her family owns multiple properties in some of the most developed areas of Colombia, her and her family are likely more wealthy than on my end.

Dont get me wrong, I am not equating my language exchange tale of stupidity to that of somone fleeing poverty, I am not trying to equate those 2 situations at all ,I am just saying that I both understand your point about why in some circumstances this type of behaviour is to be expected and is understandable to an extent but at the same time it isnt the case here, as I mentioned before, I am not american so seeing me as a means to an end doesnt even make that much sense as she would have got more useful practice by finding any one of the thousands of americans on language exchange apps/sites who would have actually been easier to string along than I since some parts are in the same time zone as her so she would be free to do whatever she wanted to do without staying up late to maintain the illusion. If this is as clear cut a case as some would think then I would be at absolute best a sub par means of practising english, and she could easily find a million people more qualified than I , that's whats got me so f****d up wrapping my dysfunctional little head around it i dont see how I could even be someone worth stringing alone for any selfish ends , plus not getting a single second of sleep last night hasnt done me any favours.

I will have to get back to you about looking for the best in people, so far I have a 30 year losing streak on that and since I cant wrap my head around this one instance I guess I dont even know how to spot the good or bad



kraftiekortie
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04 Nov 2021, 2:30 pm

For some reason, I thought you were American.

You mentioned something about her coming to your country-----then dropping you.

As others mentioned, this happens all the time with people who want "green cards."



The_Illusive_Man
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04 Nov 2021, 3:18 pm

I know it does happen with green cards, but isnt even a possibilty here, thats part of what is adding to the confusion of it all.

Nope, not american. You got a bit wrong, the only mentions I made about countries were 1: her deciding to go to america to be an au pair.
2: Me being open with her that her going to america would make it more difficult to meet because I would need a visa and a lot more money to reach her in america, where as colombia is much cheaper and no visa would be required so I would've been able to go to her the moment Colombia was no longer deemed illegal to travel to.

We had made all kinds of plans together and for most of the time she was happy in colombia so the only thing preventing a meet at that time was the coronavirus bs that the governments are slinging. When all the riots and crap went down with the police and the murders in Colombia she decided to try and apply to be an au pair in america. I was honest every step of the way and shared my fears about the new difficulties it posed, she told me she had been with me for however many months so far that she wanted to continue with me, that she felt america would be a good experience for her but wherever she went she wanted it to be with me that I was "special" and america would be a temporary work experience but she wanted a "life" with me. But then basically the moment her feet touched american soil, that is when she threw me away

If i was an america I would confront her to be honest, even if she had nothing to say, if I was in the same country as her I would look her in the eyes and ask for an explanation. No offense intended to anyone here I appreciate you tolerating me this far, but if I had that card to play maybe it could provide some modicum of closure on the matter, instead of literally just being left in dark and the only information I have to work on is that the moment she landed in america she retroactively retracted all her kind words to me and in less than a week of landing in america she was already with an american boy, and if my new suspicions about the change in her text language are right then she started talking to that guy and using his mannerisms shortly before leaving for america which means not only did she abandon me, but it was premeditated and she was actively looking for other men behind my back before she decided to cut me out with no explanation.

So all in all me and the supposed feelings she harboured for me for 19 months were thrown away like trash and one of the first things she did after landing in america was to run to the arms of a guy she either just met or she had been talking to behind my back for maybe 10 days and then very quickly and very publicly declared her undying love for him



Last edited by The_Illusive_Man on 04 Nov 2021, 4:14 pm, edited 3 times in total.

kraftiekortie
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04 Nov 2021, 3:56 pm

I get what you mean now. I really do. The misunderstanding came about because I assumed that you were American.

But I still maintain there are still decent people around, even though it might not seem like it now.

I would probably believe similar were I in your situation.



RetroGamer87
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06 Nov 2021, 5:58 am

Enjoy being single. Cherish it. If you love yourself than don't give your life to someone who can ruin it. You are lucky.


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