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notnormal
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27 Jul 2007, 10:47 pm

Hello,

I just found this forum. I was searching for something like this because I'm frustrated. I was sitting on the couch watching TV with my wife and 12 year old daughter. My daughter Jen said "you're sitting on my cell phone". I said "No I'm not". -It was right next to me. My wife proceeded to get angry with me because I didn't right away give Jen her cell phone. She said that I should have assumed that Jen wanted it. I said Jen didn't ask for it. After some conversation (in loud voices) my wife said "you're not normal because you're too literal" and she couldn't be in the same room as me and walked out with my daughter.

I've been diagnosed with "20-30%" Aspergers. My wife uses it as an excuse to feel alienated from me. I can't be social enough for her. I am too literal overall. Not my overalls, my actions.

Thank you, just ranting. Not much I can do about this.



Tim_Tex
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27 Jul 2007, 10:57 pm

Welcome to WP!

What do you mean by 20-30% AS?

Tim


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notnormal
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27 Jul 2007, 11:03 pm

I don't know. I have some of the symptoms but not all. I.e. I'm not talkative at all in groups, literal, intelligent, .... I'm going to a psychiatrist and she said so. :0)



notnormal
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27 Jul 2007, 11:14 pm

What I can't handle is the label. It's a continuous spectrum, isn't it? Labels are black and white. Ok maybe my brain works like this. I don't want to get more "normal"!



Tim_Tex
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27 Jul 2007, 11:17 pm

I am borderline AS/NT myself.

Tim


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misspuff
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28 Jul 2007, 1:52 am

notnormal wrote:
I don't know. I have some of the symptoms but not all. I.e. I'm not talkative at all in groups, literal, intelligent, .... I'm going to a psychiatrist and she said so. :0)


Not to shoot you or your shrink down or anything, but in order to have AS you have to have ALL of the symptoms of AS.

AS is a neurological disorder -- saying, "I kind of have Asperger's syndrome" is like saying, "I kind of have a broken leg." You either have it because you exhibit all symptoms or you don't. If you exhibit all symptoms to a mild degree, then you can have a mild case of AS, but if you don't have all the symptoms then you don't have AS. That is how diagnosing works.



juancho
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28 Jul 2007, 2:56 am

Misspuff, if a panjandrum declared from on high that he had discovered a previously unthought-of trait for As, and you didn't have it, would you give up AS and look for some other syndrome?

I prefer to think of this group as a "broad church."



28 Jul 2007, 3:22 am

Misspuff:


You do not need to have all symptoms of AS. I have talked to lot of aspies online and they don't have every single trait. They all have different sensory issues, some like surpirses, some don't, some want to have friends, some dont. Some of them could pick up on sarcasm and jokes. I can make a list but I am too tired to do so and I don't want to use all my time making sch a list bt I think you get the picture.



28 Jul 2007, 3:25 am

I didn't know "sitting on my phone" was a figure of speech. :?



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28 Jul 2007, 3:56 am

Since when has "you're sitting on my phone" meant "could I please have my phone?" I would have taken to mean "get off my phone."


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28 Jul 2007, 4:10 am

Maybe due to AS my values are upside-down, but for me it's a million times worse to discredit a father in front of their common daughter than to take things literally. There seems to be a problem with respecting you in your wife.


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alexbeetle
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28 Jul 2007, 6:08 am

Greentea wrote:
Maybe due to AS my values are upside-down, but for me it's a million times worse to discredit a father in front of their common daughter than to take things literally. There seems to be a problem with respecting you in your wife.


I agree with Greentea, the problem in the family does seem to be lack of respect for you whether this is related to you having AS or not. I would say you need to try talk to your wife about your relationship in general and maybe get some marriage counselling.


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2ukenkerl
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28 Jul 2007, 6:28 am

notnormal wrote:
I don't know. I have some of the symptoms but not all. I.e. I'm not talkative at all in groups, literal, intelligent, .... I'm going to a psychiatrist and she said so. :0)


Those ARE all AS symptoms!



Alicorn
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28 Jul 2007, 9:39 am

notnormal wrote:
My wife proceeded to get angry with me because I didn't right away give Jen her cell phone. She said that I should have assumed that Jen wanted it. I said Jen didn't ask for it. After some conversation (in loud voices) my wife said "you're not normal because you're too literal" and she couldn't be in the same room as me and walked out with my daughter.


NT's often make these kinds of logical fallacies. When NT's are actually forced to use their brains in such professions as lawyer, accounant, police work, and even business, they will often times be confronted wiht just how stupid their "you should ass-u-me" thoughts are.

The world is very often too complex of a place to just go around assuming things. People who ass-u-me are the ones with the problem.



Alicorn
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28 Jul 2007, 9:43 am

Greentea wrote:
Maybe due to AS my values are upside-down, but for me it's a million times worse to discredit a father in front of their common daughter than to take things literally. There seems to be a problem with respecting you in your wife.


Just like when NT's ass-u-me, putting-down one's husband in front of one's children is also normal and acceptable NT behavior. Why? Because NT women are always right and all men are stupid. Just ask an NT woman, she'll tell you it's true.



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28 Jul 2007, 9:55 am

notnormal, both me & my husband would have had the same reaction as you did!- My husband is NT & I would place myself in the "AS traits but undiagnosed" category.
Your daughter accusing you of sitting on her phone is actually kind of rude & disrespectful to say to a parent. I think it was a good idea to reply by telling her simply that it was right there next to her. Why would you have to hand it to her? She is capable of reaching, right?

As far as assuming goes, no one should assume anything. Take a look at the word, assume. - When you assume, you make an ass out of u and me!

File that one in the back of your mind the next time she lectures about assuming! :wink: