How long did it take you to move on?

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How long did it take you to move on from a crush or breakup?
0-2 years 43%  43%  [ 9 ]
2-5 years 14%  14%  [ 3 ]
5-10 years 0%  0%  [ 0 ]
More than 10 years 43%  43%  [ 9 ]
Total votes : 21

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Blue Jay
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04 Nov 2021, 7:37 pm

How long did it take you to move on from either a crush or a breakup?

Also, any advice on moving on would be appreciated.



Juliette
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04 Nov 2021, 7:47 pm

I never stopped loving my High School Sweetheart. It was nothing short of a tragedy what happened. He never stopped loving me, nor I, him. I raised our son on my own and wasn’t “permitted” to contact him due to a situation involving the control of another man. He still wants me back. This life has been nothing short of crazy, heartbreaking, in so many ways. I reconnected with him and it was the most sacred thing to be able to talk freely again to each other. For a brief time though.

Getting over someone … now that depends on the intensity of the feelings felt. You can move on with another and build a whole other life, but always be true to yourself. Own your choices, but don’t ever lie to yourself about where your heart lies and don’t just remain silent if things should be said.



Last edited by Juliette on 04 Nov 2021, 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

IsabellaLinton
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04 Nov 2021, 7:47 pm

My boyfriend broke my heart in 2002, and I didn't date again until the last day of 2019.



Texasmoneyman300
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04 Nov 2021, 8:26 pm

I havent moved on from most of my crushes.



IsabellaLinton
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04 Nov 2021, 8:32 pm

Just to clarify, I wasn't carrying a torch for my exboyfriend for 17 years. I just couldn't trust anyone again, and I didn't want to risk another betrayal or heartbreak so severe. Healing psychologically and rebuilding your self-concept can take longer than the experience of forgetting one specific relationship.



theprisoner
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04 Nov 2021, 9:23 pm

^^^ sound like my mother. It's okay, sometimes you just better off on your own for periods of time. And if nobody sparks that chemistry, thats just how it turns out.

I say it takes the same amount of time to get over a a bereavement, about a week. yeah, 7 days and i've 75% processed it. The bulk. then a few months, 3-6 for lingering sentiment. Flippant, cold maybe, but after a year after any traumatic event' for me the sharp pain has receded and is basically only a blunted memory. I can take things badly, can even get crazily disturbed with emotional upset, but its true they say time heal all wounds. I find so. Damaged and being rebuilt? I don't know about that. Pain is a great accelerator of 'reconfiguration.' I do know that. I guess i carry around all my traumas deep down, but things shift like tectonic plates, out of my awareness.


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enz
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04 Nov 2021, 9:53 pm

I guess finding someone new is a good way to move on



Fnord
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05 Nov 2021, 9:42 am

What helped me recover quickly from 'heartbreak' is knowing that here is no such thing as a 'soulmate', a 'twin flame', or any other such rubbish -- there is no one-and-only person, only millions of possibilities you have not yet encountered.  Maybe most guys are like that -- we realize that the loss of one girlfriend does not mean that we will be alone for the rest of our lives -- it means only that we are "back on the market".



Tim_Tex
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05 Nov 2021, 9:45 am

From my last crush, 8 years and counting.


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kraftiekortie
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05 Nov 2021, 10:02 am

It took me about two years to get over a crush when I was 21.

The key to "moving on"----is knowing that, frequently, romances serve to teach you and to mature you.

I had a couple of pretty brutal breakups----but I was able to benefit from them in some fashion.

Also: knowing that there are "other fish in the sea," and that the next "fish" could very well make you happier than the previous "fish."



DuckHairback
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05 Nov 2021, 12:54 pm

If I have any advice it's to remove yourself from them. It's really hard to get over someone if you have to see them regularly.

Otherwise it's just time I think. But I concur to a certain extent that you never really get over people you've fallen for (unless you actually have a relationship with them and let it run its course).

I can't think of anyone I've had feelings for in the past that there isn't still some feeling for.



Fnord
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05 Nov 2021, 1:07 pm

I have to wonder ... almost ever time I got dumped, the woman who dumped me kept trying to make contact with me afterward just to see how I was doing.  What is up with that?



IsabellaLinton
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05 Nov 2021, 11:58 pm

kraftiekortie wrote:
Also: knowing that there are "other fish in the sea," and that the next "fish" could very well make you happier than the previous "fish."


I always thought that was an unfortunate saying.

I'm sure your exes don't appreciate being compared to "replaceable fish" who can be thrown back in the water or forgotten when someone better comes along.



ProfessorJohn
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06 Nov 2021, 1:41 am

Fnord wrote:
[ Maybe most guys are like that -- we realize that the loss of one girlfriend does not mean that we will be alone for the rest of our lives --
That probably works for most guys. If you are an Aspie, that one loss might mean you will be alone the rest of your life.



kraftiekortie
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06 Nov 2021, 6:07 am

The thing is…..is that YOU were thrown back in the water….not HER.

You were the “disposable” one…..not HER.

YOU got thrown back into the sea.

YOU wanted permanence. SHE didn’t.

YOU have to find a new fish. Because SHE didn’t want you.

Saying this, I was never bitter about my particular situation. I knew I had to move on (after a couple of years, though). I had to create armor for myself for all the future rejections that I would suffer.

This is life for most, alas.

There is much that is good in life that does not pertain to loving relationships.



Fnord
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06 Nov 2021, 1:00 pm

IsabellaLinton wrote:
... I'm sure your exes don't appreciate being compared to "replaceable fish" who can be thrown back in the water or forgotten when someone better comes along.
I am equally sure that most men do not like being referred to as "Baby-Daddies", "Starter Husbands", or "Mr. Right-Now" either.