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Jamesy
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06 Nov 2021, 5:45 pm

At this stage of my life (aged 32) I really dont have many friends my own age. The friends I meet down the pub with in my social circle are mostly in there 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s.


Do you think this is abnormal? 6 years ago I had lots more friends around my age or younger.

Can you give me your opinions on why this could be happening at this particular point in my life?



enz
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06 Nov 2021, 5:48 pm

Nah don’t worry about it. It’s good you have friends



theprisoner
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06 Nov 2021, 5:51 pm

Quote:
Can you give me your opinions on why this could be happening at this particular point in my life?

It's almost certainly because you're autistic :nerdy:


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Tim_Tex
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06 Nov 2021, 5:53 pm

I have this issue myself. Nobody my age has the same interests, and at 41, I'm considered a "dirty old man" to those younger than me.


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Jamesy
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06 Nov 2021, 5:54 pm

theprisoner wrote:
Quote:
Can you give me your opinions on why this could be happening at this particular point in my life?

It's almost certainly because you're autistic :nerdy:



What’s being autistic got do with having friends who are older than you?



Jamesy
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06 Nov 2021, 5:55 pm

enz wrote:
Nah don’t worry about it. It’s good you have friends




Yes maybe but I’d rather have friends my own age range really instead of old people all the time :?



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06 Nov 2021, 8:14 pm

If you go to an “old man” bar, your friends will be old men.



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07 Nov 2021, 5:36 am

I've read that it's common for us on the spectrum to have friends not our own age in comparison to NTs, so in that sense it could be considered normal for an autistic person.



Jamesy
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07 Nov 2021, 10:06 am

Fireblossom wrote:
I've read that it's common for us on the spectrum to have friends not our own age in comparison to NTs, so in that sense it could be considered normal for an autistic person.



Could looking older than your age have something to do with it?



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07 Nov 2021, 10:17 am

I think it's pretty normal that as you get older you are less likely to have friends who are your own age.

I'm 48 years old and I'm pretty certain that over the last few years I've not even met anyone who's my age. I'm not saying that 48 years old is a rare age to be it's just that I've not made any friends who are my age.

I've made friends with both younger and older but not my age.

I think you're looking for problems where there aren't any Jamesy. Don't worry about it.



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07 Nov 2021, 1:38 pm

All your friends being the same age as you is really only normal for childhood, young adulthood at the latest. It's an artefact of schooling, which tends to put you in social situations where you're required to interact with people the same age as you. As you move into adult life, you start meeting friends more through work or hobbies, which aren't age-sorted activities, and you naturally hit it off with people of varying ages.



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08 Nov 2021, 7:09 am

Remember also that quite aside from autism, people your own age will be increasingly settling down, working hard, starting businesses, starting families etc. It's very normal for people to throw themselves into these activities in their late 20s/early thirties and spend less time just hanging out with friends and spending evenings in the pub. You recover some of your free time when you get a bit older ( I hope) - that might be why you're finding you're meeting more older people.



kraftiekortie
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08 Nov 2021, 9:15 am

I lived a life of dissipation in my late 20s/early 30s. I went from girlfriend to girlfriend, apartment to apartment.

There's no shame, really, in not having too many goals----but it can be very stressful.



Summer_Twilight
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08 Nov 2021, 11:53 am

Jamesy wrote:
At this stage of my life (aged 32) I really dont have many friends my own age. The friends I meet down the pub with in my social circle are mostly in there 40s, 50s, 60s and 70s.


Do you think this is abnormal? 6 years ago I had lots more friends around my age or younger.

Can you give me your opinions on why this could be happening at this particular point in my life?


I have lots of friends who have been either older and younger than I am. I don't think the age difference can be a problem and especially when you have things in common with these people.

On the other hand it can be very awkward when you and people older and younger happen to be in different places in their lives. It also be awkward when you don't have anything in common with them.



Mona Pereth
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13 Nov 2021, 9:14 pm

Jamesy wrote:
What’s being autistic got do with having friends who are older than you?

People who are your own age expect you to be more similar to them than you are. People older or younger don't expect as much similarity, hence your autistic differences don't stick out as much.

When I was in my twenties, almost all my friends were 10 to 20 years older than me. Since my 30's, all my my friends were either quite a bit older or quite a bit younger than me.

I've always sought people with whom I had interests and values in common, regardless of age (except that I avoid kids).


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Last edited by Mona Pereth on 13 Nov 2021, 9:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Mona Pereth
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13 Nov 2021, 9:17 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
I have this issue myself. Nobody my age has the same interests, and at 41, I'm considered a "dirty old man" to those younger than me.

You're not a "dirty old man" unless you are obsessed with trying to get into their pants. If you're NOT trying to get into their pants, then anyone who calls you a "dirty old man" is speaking out of their own dirty mind.


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