The odds on finding love...

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It's not even a matter of "find out what interests people" for some people. Sometimes, doing literally anything beyond the bare minimum would be more interesting.

I've met many guys online who have a blank profile, no public comments, and send an unsolicited DM saying nothing but "hi". Initially, I'd try to make conversation, to give them a chance, but I soon learned that this sort of guy generally won't provide any conversational hooks whatsoever, or grab at conversational hooks I provide - instead, he'll give the absolute bare minimum response to everything until I eventually get so sick of pulling all the conversational weight that I stop responding. After a couple conversations like this, I started ignoring any guy who fit that profile.

I sometimes wonder how those guys feel. I suspect they feel insecure and unhappy about being ignored or having women ghost them. But if you only do the bare minimum in a conversation, eventually the other person will feel like the parent of a teenager who is going "out" to do "stuff".

I'd much rather talk to someone who is weird and unafraid to own it than someone who is so afraid to express anything at all about who they are that they end up saying nothing of substance.

well for one it’s unlikely that it’s a changed of zero unless you don’t leave the house or talk to people but that’s obviously not th case cause your on wrongplanet but i guess it also depends on wht you define a the perfect ideal woman. idk tbh this entire idea is stupid

I suspect they feel something similar to what a gambler feels every time he rolls the dice -- anticipation that 'luck' might work in his favor this time and he will finally win the jackpot, followed soon thereafter by disappointment that 'luck' had worked against him.

Is it just me, or has anyone else noticed that for some men, 'luck' is all they have?  I mean, it seems to be a rare occurrence that a man who has education, intelligence, skills, and talents talks about 'luck' being a factor in his relationships; but a much more common occurrence for a man with little to offer to speak of 'luck' (mostly bad) having the greatest influence on his relationships.

(Unless he is talking about "getting lucky"; but that is just one of many euphemisms for having sex.)

Good point.But like I go out in public and all and socialize when i can but its kind of hard with current events.I have always been comfortable talking to women for the most part but all the attributes and qualities i want in a woman dont exist in the same woman.I would just feel blessed and happy to have some of them met by wife but like i am not going to marry a supermodel who comes from the richest family in in the world and is church of Christ too and also a good person.Simply not gonna happen.So that all i meant.

have reasonable expectations

well this thread is about finding your perfect and ideal life partner.However I do realize that and i have toned down my expectations a lot but I will never marry or meet my perfect woman.I am going to have to be willing to make some adjustments.

I have dated online and its gambling and just hoping for the best when you hit up women and then all but one ghost you and you only get one bad date after a month of trying online.

In the same spirit as how people play up their perceived good qualities and make excuses for their faults, people like to take credit for positive outcomes, and blame external causes for their faults and failures. "Good luck" is their doing, but "bad luck" is someone or something else's fault.

A man who's educated, skilled, and talented won't attribute his good fortune to luck, cos that takes the wind out of his own sails. I'm not lucky, I'm SMART, and SKILLED! Which makes for a much better brag. But then if that educated skilled and talented man makes a mistake, it COULDN'T be HIM. He's SKILLED, and TALENTED! It MUST be something ELSE! They don't bother to find and correct their mistake. So they keep making it. And keep blaming something else. Or they make excuses for that thing, etc etc etc...

It kinda ties in to confidence. When people feel in control, they are more willing to accept the correlation between their decisions and the outcome. When they don't FEEL in control, they're more likely to blame "the world" for "making them" take a certain path, or make a certain choice. Like when people say "I HAD to do that, or else THIS would happen!" - you still had a choice there. You could have chosen to do the other thing, and dealt with that consequence. "I had to stay home, or my parents would yell at me! I had no choice!" Yes you did. You could have not stayed home, and gotten yelled at. That was an option. "I didn't want to get yelled at!" might be WHY you CHOSE that option, but it was still a choice.

A metaphor:

I'm a Square Peg in a world of Round Holes made for Round Pegs! I don't fit in anywhere, and I don't wat to be a Round Peg!

So cheat. If I'm a Square Peg, and I stay a Square Peg, but I make myself a little bit smaller, I can fit into a Round Hole, no matter how Square I am. Or, f I find a big enough Round Hole, I can still fit, even as a Square Peg. Or any other shape. Sometimes I'll just start knocking out parts of the hole to MAKE it a different shape, or just bigger in general, and see how long I can go before, or even if, anyone says anything.

But I'm a Squiggle!

Ok, start with one end, and go through long ways, like a cooked noodle of spaghetti. You don't even have to be stiff or straight. Just work your way in long-way.

And if, while I'm making a space for myself, someone complains, and it's not their space to be making and enforcing rules over, I ignore them. But if there are minor rules in observance, I do my best to follow them, but still carry on with anything that doesn't break the rules.

And just cos someone says "I don't like pointy things" doesn't mean I have to stop being a star - even if I want to appeal to them, I can simply make myself a star with rounded tips. I can even make myself a bigger star. With as many points as I want. So long as they're not pointy at the ends. And that's still only if I care about appealing to that specific person or group or whatever.

Stop focusing on what you can't do. Stop coming up with reasons why you "can't do" things. That's WHY you "have no choice". YOU took all the choices off the table already, for reasons like "it's hard" or "I don't like it" or "I shouldn't HAVE to".

If you're at bat in a baseball game, and someone hands you a frozen tuna fish instead of a bat, you can complain about the tuna, or you can swing for the fences with that tuna anyways. Just cos it's an insane choice doesn't mean it's not a choice. And a run is a run, whether you use a bat, a tunafish, or anything else. If someone complains that you used a fish, they're just mad you got a run. At the end of the day, whatever you got, you gotta make a swing, or nothing happens. Otherwise you're just a benchwarmer simply hoping to enjoy existing on the "winning team", without actually exerting any effort.

Finding someone interesting is difficult.

And yes everyone is interested in different things, but finding someone interested in vaguely the same things as me is difficult, even in a cultured city.

Even people who have interests can be boring to be around. I went to a few concerts with a guy who likes similar music to me and talking to him was like pulling teeth. His interests were interesting, he was not.

So I don't have the answer.

But you have a pretty good chance of finding an imperfect partner.

How the Daily Mail get their statistics

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How does one have good interests yet be boring? I take it he just never spoke much?

Every time I saw him he would fall back on the same questions because he couldn't think of anything to say. He could never remember that he'd already asked me those questions, even though my answer was the same.

Think along the lines of, "what's your favourite album?" And you get asked that same question every time you go out with that same person.

It was helpful if we were doing something interesting. I could ask questions about it or ask him what he thought about it.

He just didn't talk much about anything. It was hard work making conversation with him.

Funny thing is he dumped me.

I know... that is why after almost 18 years of searching at least someone i would enjoy talking to i am ready to give up on social connections. Searching without any results is exausting and waste of time.