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Does this happen to you often?
Yes 71%  71%  [ 10 ]
No 29%  29%  [ 4 ]
Total votes : 14

hellhole
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10 Nov 2021, 8:01 pm

... or use your emotional vulerablity against you, or try to upset you in some way, how do you deal with this minus avoiding the person which is my usual strategy (although it isn't always possible)? It isn't a case of who does this to you, it's a case of who [i]doesn't[i] do this to me? I am getting sick of it, at times its seriously starting to impact my mental health, anyone relate.

Yeah ok, let me elaborate. Hi all (subclinical traits here):

This has been going on for virtually all of my life, my ex for instance would do it something rotten for like 70% of the relationship (the other 30 percent was ok, I mean being constantly rejected/looked at funny/lack of female interest was something that bothered me for several years, I found her when I was desperate but I digress).

A mate occasionally does it, another one does it as well, my own dad (who said mate also noted was a bit of a bully/ occasionally emotionally/verbally abusive anyway which is true) would do it, he also previously has said things to me of a nature of intent to cause me feeling of shame if that makes sense, I know for a fact he now, and has previously known I am buried feelings of shame, and does or says things to me to disturb me or cause an attack, some would call this a meltdown, I wouldn't call it that but it's the same sort of deal.

Every single college, and I was laughed at/mocked by several others too, it's all a total joke. Occasionally the behavior becomes bully-eske, intimidating, hateful or borderline-abusive.

Like wtf is that s**t, all I ask for in this life is to be taken seriously and given the basic human respect without being victimized. It's incredibly depressing. Seen three therapists previously and they have tried every single possible thing they can do to help me out with this among other stuff and they have, but having a permanent therapist isn't always continent for me so I come here for help.

Occasionally even by members of the general public, which is bizarre, maybe I am a bit of an easy target, only thing that made me less emotionally vulnerable was more self-confidence/less insecurity which I guess is protective.

There is also occasionally manipulation (attempted), like as I said in another post, by some people, like trying to get me to nick things for them (blocked her), to do things for them, or to do things (commanded actions?!) that are amusing to them if that makes sense, I suffered bad trauma due to this which I was in the past though so I don't want to go into it.

Right, It's usually something of the nature of ASD related things despite being me being more neurotypical anyway, nitpicky things you know quirks and that or trying to humiliate me due to them, moralizing me about minor things (I can't stand this and I am sure the 'bullies' know this too well).

Talking behind my back when I am in the location, micromanagement by lectures or trying to upset me in some way (which is akin to bullying and why I am no longer there). I could vent forever but you get the deos. All I wish for in this life is neutral treatment from others without being scapegoated, or targeted by so called friends. I feel like I am a total outcast sometimes. Saw a fireworks show last night with sis and her bf and there was already someone looking at me weird and making triggering comments at my expense.

It's one of the reasons I am a bit reclusive. Although I am currently emotionally stable (winding someone up being the opposite of that/intension), I talked it out with my mam who tbf is probably one of the very few people in my life who I can without facing backlash, victim blaming bull or as I say, using my emotional vulnerability against me.

Sometimes, the degree as to which it happens causes me severe mental distress I have been in a very bad place due to this before, it's not a joke anymore, it's needs to stop, but the only solution is avoiding them or getting defensive on my end, being defensive all the time is exhausting so guess which option I choose. Either it upsets me or it makes me very angry, it's horrible man.

So, do you relate? How have you coped, and specifically with that issue with my father, what's the dealo with that. I asked on another forum and the response I got was "they do it to me too, you're not alone" so I figure this is a common occurrence among individuals with asd traits, I don't mean bullying, I mean winding you up or trying to upset you. I would like responders to take this seriously and be civil.


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10 Nov 2021, 9:20 pm

This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.


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11 Nov 2021, 8:16 am

Pieplup wrote:
This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.


The difference is the response to being told "hey, that hurts my feelings".

If their intent was to just do playful social bonding, they'll apologize and clarify their intent. If their intent was to hurt you, they'll either mock you for being hurt by it, or make excuses why they shouldn't be held responsible for hurting your feelings.



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11 Nov 2021, 8:46 am

Ettina wrote:
Pieplup wrote:
This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.


The difference is the response to being told "hey, that hurts my feelings".

If their intent was to just do playful social bonding, they'll apologize and clarify their intent. If their intent was to hurt you, they'll either mock you for being hurt by it, or make excuses why they shouldn't be held responsible for hurting your feelings.

not where i come from :shrug:


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11 Nov 2021, 9:20 am

Only at elementary Andy early high school.


The rest is likely self inflicted from ego.

Or an unspoken and agreed upon sessions with my SPED teacher.
Yes, it's voluntary because I deemed it to be an instrument for my own emotional development. And there are no agreed upon structures and let her.

This isn't abuse nor some personal brand of masochism. :lol: More like a way for me to confront certain feelings in safer places, maybe figure something out.


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hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 9:44 am

Pieplup wrote:
This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.


I know about teasing and all that, like in school this girl who liked me, who I vaguely dated (not the one mentioned) would like mess up my hair to mildly embarrass me, giggle around me, brush up besides me, etc. as of course I knew this was teasing, but there was no intent to cause me distress.

People using my emotional vulnerability against me (it's hard to describe but I found the term on google, it makes me feel wrought up inside because I am "easy to get to"/vulnerable) and not happy at all, it's more akin to being "tormented" than it is to be teased.


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
Normal intelligence, social and language development.

"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)


Fnord
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11 Nov 2021, 9:46 am

hellhole wrote:
People who try to wind you up... does this happen often?
Yes; and mostly right here on WrongPlanet.



hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 9:48 am

Edna3362 wrote:
Only at elementary Andy early high school.


The rest is likely self inflicted from ego.

Or an unspoken and agreed upon sessions with my SPED teacher.
Yes, it's voluntary because I deemed it to be an instrument for my own emotional development. And there are no agreed upon structures and let her.

This isn't abuse nor some personal brand of masochism. :lol: More like a way for me to confront certain feelings in safer places, maybe figure something out.


I do have an ego that comment you made was interesting though.

I don't follow you on the last part though.

Like it causes me distress ("easy to torment"), like you tell them pack it in but they don't and they keep doing it, it's like a hypersensivity thing.


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
Normal intelligence, social and language development.

"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)


hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 9:49 am

Fnord wrote:
hellhole wrote:
People who try to wind you up... does this happen often?
Yes; and mostly right here on WrongPlanet.


:jester:


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
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"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)


hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 9:58 am

Ettina wrote:
Pieplup wrote:
This is normal social ritual as long as its' not crossing a line. Teasing is normal.


The difference is the response to being told "hey, that hurts my feelings".

If their intent was to just do playful social bonding, they'll apologize and clarify their intent. If their intent was to hurt you, they'll either mock you for being hurt by it, or make excuses why they shouldn't be held responsible for hurting your feelings.


also that.


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
Normal intelligence, social and language development.

"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)


Edna3362
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11 Nov 2021, 10:44 am

hellhole wrote:
Edna3362 wrote:
Only at elementary Andy early high school.


The rest is likely self inflicted from ego.

Or an unspoken and agreed upon sessions with my SPED teacher.
Yes, it's voluntary because I deemed it to be an instrument for my own emotional development. And there are no agreed upon structures and let her.

This isn't abuse nor some personal brand of masochism. :lol: More like a way for me to confront certain feelings in safer places, maybe figure something out.


I do have an ego that comment you made was interesting though.

I don't follow you on the last part though.

Like it causes me distress ("easy to torment"), like you tell them pack it in but they don't and they keep doing it, it's like a hypersensivity thing.

It's not easy to describe.

It's like splitting stress from anxiety, hypersensitivity from intolerance, and the mind and emotions' conditioning self from the pure real self -- in practice and in real time, as opposed to just reading about it.

It's like exposure therapy, but without the intent to densensitize -- it won't work like that at all, and I deem it a bad habit over emotion.

More like knowing how emotional resolution works, troubleshooting self and the ego, knowing and being aware of defence mechanisms and figuring how to hack it yourself.


It's not hard like exhausting hard.
Just very tricky and easily overlooked, dismissed, rejected or outright unintuitive and painfully disonating.
But, if one figures it out how and did it the first time, everything that follows would look like it's too easy.


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hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 11:17 am

^
I hear ya. Like the post was about being 'targeted' by others a lot, possibly as a way to control or shame me, hard to beleive as you say, hard to describe but we are on the same page here I think. As if said person (myself, the "I in me") was prone to feeling shame, or had insecurities, others use this as a sort of weapon to cause me such feelings (triggering or hurting my feelings), and have done this before, like I would say I am sensitive to facial expressions especially those that entail mockery, I have easily hurt feelings, it's easy for others to cause me mental distress or get me wrought in up inside.

Anyway, for instance my farther had previously said things to me that I found disturbing, like (take this seriously) he said "the combination of milk and alcohol will turn into balls in your stomach", this sounds very random, but knowing him for example it was no doubt an intent (I am 100 percent sure he knows this) to trigger shame, of that of a somatic variety (I am prone to hypochondria) , you may wonder why I would find this disturbing, but honestly the idea of having that going on inside isn't a nice thought>shame.

I digress again, a bit of a vent, I posted about this core issue on another forum and I did get some advice, which I worked on, saved to my laptop, about triggering people and psychological toughness rather than fragility. Just saying this happens so often to me which is why I made the thread. My mam says I overanalyze everything, she'd be right but yeah the working on "the self" thing I get ya. Someone mentioned Taoism as a solution, on this different forum. The vulnerable feelings inside is what makes me vulnerable to being humiliated or wound up.

I mean honestly this is less of an ASD thing and more of a "narc defenses" thing, it's hard to describe but I know due to my ASD traits, to be brutally honest, cause me feelings of shame, or buried feelings of being different, but I post here as it's relavant.


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
Normal intelligence, social and language development.

"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)


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11 Nov 2021, 1:44 pm

Kids used to wind me up a lot when I was a kid, but back then I didn't know how to take a joke, so when I reacted by crying or walking off or whatever it just made their harmless teasing turn to unkind bullying. I think if I had of taken a joke I probably would have had more friends.
Like when kids made fun of my name I would get all upset instead of just laughing along with it.

As an adult I've learnt that the more people tease you the more they actually like you. When people make fun of my name now I just laugh, and it forms a social bond.


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theprisoner
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11 Nov 2021, 1:57 pm

Joe90 wrote:
As an adult I've learnt that the more people tease you the more they actually like you.


I don't know.. is that really true....sometimes people just don't care for another person....

:evil: :skull:
:nerdy: :oops:
:twisted: :heart: :huh:


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11 Nov 2021, 2:11 pm

theprisoner wrote:
Joe90 wrote:
As an adult I've learnt that the more people tease you the more they actually like you.


I don't know.. is that really true....sometimes people just don't care for another person....

:evil: :skull:
:nerdy: :oops:
:twisted: :heart: :huh:


Not always, but if you find it hard to understand people's intentions then I suppose all teasing is considered bad. But I don't struggle to understand people's intentions, so I know when someone is being mean and when someone is joking, and usually people joke. In the adult world, mean people behave more passive aggressively, like excluding you from social activities, acting bitchy towards you, targeting you, etc. But when people use harmless teasing to bond with you, especially guys, it's usually because they like you (not always in a sexual way), and the more you laugh it off the more they'll include you in their group.


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hellhole
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11 Nov 2021, 3:47 pm

Joe90 wrote:
Kids used to wind me up a lot when I was a kid, but back then I didn't know how to take a joke, so when I reacted by crying or walking off or whatever it just made their harmless teasing turn to unkind bullying. I think if I had of taken a joke I probably would have had more friends.
Like when kids made fun of my name I would get all upset instead of just laughing along with it.

As an adult I've learnt that the more people tease you the more they actually like you. When people make fun of my name now I just laugh, and it forms a social bond.


Teasing is fairs I got the laugh along part completely, but when they are maliciously tormenting you out of spite, or even a kind of 'hate' because "the asd kid" may be seen as a bit different, it's not the same, at all, I am not a fool I am not getting the piss taken out of me, hurtful remarks passed off as just teasing, followed by them saying your sensitive is the kind of bullying you speak of I relate to.

Random thing but I remember watching this episode of Beyond Scared Straight and the prisoners and one or two guard were ripping on this new guy, saying "oh you're from the street man I know I have seen you somewhere", it was actually mockery but his survival strategy was to laugh along and pretend he was one of them, as opposed to ignore them, standing up for himself would have been hard when most were three times his size or strength. I know the difference between teasing and malicious ridicule with intent to harm someone, or me, or slander. When people find an easy target to push boundaries with, they typically do, and continue to do that until assertiveness or defensively humorless behavior is displayed, then they stop for any amount of time/

Typically I just avoid people who do this to me if I can (got avpd traits too), like colleges and that as I say, I won't go to uni for the same reason even if I don't have to move through. "So-called friends" come to mind.

One or twice I almost or did attack/fight some of the people who did this to me, I actually sort of won some of the time but solved or saved nothing but my pride tbh lol. like triggered impulsive anger at said person, more often than not though I just brave it or leave the situation, I can usually tell within five seconds of being around someone if they are "being funny" with me.


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"Autistic traits" (atypical autism).
Normal intelligence, social and language development.

"vulnerable narcissistic defenses w/ mild borderline traits" (self-diagnosed).

Other diagnoses: Body Dysmorphic Disorder (http://bit.ly/2wlDqGU)

Our internal representation of reality: (http://bit.ly/2BJuj5o)