hellhole wrote:
^
I hear ya. Like the post was about being 'targeted' by others a lot, possibly as a way to control or shame me, hard to beleive as you say, hard to describe but we are on the same page here I think. As if said person (myself, the "I in me") was prone to feeling shame, or had insecurities, others use this as a sort of weapon to cause me such feelings (triggering or hurting my feelings), and have done this before, like I would say I am sensitive to facial expressions especially those that entail mockery, I have easily hurt feelings, it's easy for others to cause me mental distress or get me wrought in up inside.
Anyway, for instance my farther had previously said things to me that I found disturbing, like (take this seriously) he said "the combination of milk and alcohol will turn into balls in your stomach", this sounds very random, but knowing him for example it was no doubt an intent (I am 100 percent sure he knows this) to trigger shame, of that of a somatic variety (I am prone to hypochondria) , you may wonder why I would find this disturbing, but honestly the idea of having that going on inside isn't a nice thought>shame.
I digress again, a bit of a vent, I posted about this core issue on another forum and I did get some advice, which I worked on, saved to my laptop, about triggering people and psychological toughness rather than fragility. Just saying this happens so often to me which is why I made the thread. My mam says I overanalyze everything, she'd be right but yeah the working on "the self" thing I get ya. Someone mentioned Taoism as a solution, on this different forum. The vulnerable feelings inside is what makes me vulnerable to being humiliated or wound up.
I mean honestly this is less of an ASD thing and more of a "narc defenses" thing, it's hard to describe but I know due to my ASD traits, to be brutally honest, cause me feelings of shame, or buried feelings of being different, but I post here as it's relavant.
Is it narc or BPD, with backgrounds of abuse or trauma?
Was it just some form of echo and memory or was it also hormonal?
Or was it just ASD developmental delays and EF issues concerning emotional/sensory regulation, and mental/beliefs rigidity based on aversive experiences?
Either ways, it's always about this form of "intolerance".
Whatever reactivity, whatever 'trigger' from whatever past, whether real or misperceived present, whichever assumed future...
One of my goals is to put it all to damn rest.
But even a person without any labels under the sun still will get a harder time figuring it out.
Because unlearning from the conscious is not easy enough, let alone from the unconscious.
11 Nov 2021, 10:05 pm
