Have you detected fear in females around you?

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Jayo
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12 Nov 2021, 4:06 pm

Question for Aspie males really.
Have you detected fear in females around you?
Like either in class, work, public places, on a date even..?
This is why I spent a lot of practice watching female body language and gradually got better at it, and increased my confidence. Since I had the looks, physique, good job and ambition etc - and a small circle of friends too. But my ego was bruised from earlier in my 20s when I heard some girls were afraid of me and didn't know why till my diagnosis a few years later. I remember walking into some clubs, and more than once a girl I knew from elsewhere saw me, looked shocked and frightened, and immediately turned away. Even though I never maliciously threatened her in any way.

As the years went by, I noticed this behaviour diminishing - in fact I got genuinely friendly smiles. So that was an ego booster that snowballed from there. :D

As a "clearing" for being confronted with these irrational fear situations, like where I'd see it in her face during a date, I'd just take the spotlight off me and ask her "you seem somewhat bothered, is everything OK?" or something like that. While I knew the answer would be "yes, I'm fine" like 99% of the time, at least it was some gesture to show her that I didn't intend her any harm. And that I was genuinely bewildered as to WHY she would seem afraid, so hopefully she calmed and realized that her fear was irrational. And as a 3rd benefit, it signaled that I intuitively understood non-verbal communication (which likely got me into trouble in my early 20s), so no "weirdo alert". Maybe she was hypersensitive to something that didn't seem "quite right" with my speech patterns and demeanour. But by then I'd masked my manifestations much more due to self-awareness and post-diagnosis, but at times I admit I had a case of the nerves b/c the woman I was with was just gorgeous, even a couple of times "out of my league" as some might say. :) 8O



Fnord
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12 Nov 2021, 4:24 pm

Jayo wrote:
Have You Detected Fear In Females Around You?
Only when I have called their petty "My Way or The Highway" bluffs and accepted their "Highway" options.

They seemed to think they were in control over me, because they showed fear when I walked out the door.



Jakki
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12 Nov 2021, 4:43 pm

Could a fear response be miscontrued as a avoidance response ? am just curious here ?


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Fnord
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12 Nov 2021, 4:58 pm

Fear could motivate an avoidance reaction.



Jakki
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12 Nov 2021, 5:32 pm

thank you .


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14 Nov 2021, 7:14 pm

Very good topic . Sometimes people are scared by difference .

It's not always about you but their perception which infarct are two separate things .

People do avoid me , even say I'm weird , but that term signifies they lack comprehension .

I've had conversations with mutual friends of friends and they've slandered me to them despite obliging conversation .

So f**k what people perceive especially if they don't know you .

For every person that looks at you a certain way , there is another person who will understand and endear . It's just the laws of reality



Muse933277
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14 Nov 2021, 11:20 pm

My theory is that many girls are naturally fearful of guys they don't know. And the reason for that is because men are a bigger physical and sexual threat; we're bigger, stronger, commit most of the sex drives, etc... So this is why, women have much more of a "creep radar" is because as women, they probably have to watch out more since they're typically smaller and weaker compared to a grown man.



Relax_on_Standby
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15 Nov 2021, 1:14 am

What I noticed is sometimes woman want to touch me when I talk to them but they hesitate like I'm going to bite them or something....then they put their arm on my shoulder or grab my hand and it feels really akward. As for strangers I see when I go for walks I usually look the other direction and cross to the other side of the street so I don't know.


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nick007
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15 Nov 2021, 8:32 am

I'm too obvious & too much in my own head to really notice other's reactions unless I have been in a relationship with them for a while, I kinda learned to read my girlfriend some. When I was a kid I was often told things that implied that I misread others like I don't know when others are only joking, I don't really get tone of voice, I don't get sarcasm, I don't get hints, I don't get non verbal body language ect ect. I've also very often had others misread me like thinking that I'm upset when I'm not, that I find something sad funny, that I'm being mean when I'm trying to joke, that I'm being argumentative when just trying to explain something, & other such things. How the hell can I accurately detect fear & other emotions in others when others can not accurately detect mine?. It's like I'm from a very different culture than the rest of my peers & what's OK in one may be wrong in the other & vice-versa. I have noticed that different women & people in general can have seemingly opposite opinions of me. Some think I'm nice, sweet, supportive, & safe. Others think I'm a creep, standoffish, selfish, & manipulative. Some people know I'm a male feminist but others think I'm a misogynist & don't get me started on politics. Both major political parties assume I'm a hard-core member of the other because I do not fit nice & neat in their own party. If you guys were to talk to every person I ever interacted with about me, you would probably think I had many identical looking twins with different personalities. People do not know what to make of me :shrug:


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Last edited by nick007 on 15 Nov 2021, 10:20 am, edited 2 times in total.

The_Face_of_Boo
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15 Nov 2021, 9:21 am

No never, they often request me to escort them at night.

Maybe I am too short and thin to be feared I guess.



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19 Nov 2021, 2:54 pm

I've had non-aspire large guys tell me girls seem afraid of them too. At this point in my life I'm just like, "I don't give a crap" except at work where I pretty much avoid every woman that I don't work with and keep my eyes to the ground as they walk past. Its almost like a game to me at this point, the "Avoid drawing attention to myself" game.



kraftiekortie
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19 Nov 2021, 3:30 pm

I'm probably lucky that I'm a short man. I rarely ever sense that a woman is scared of me.



rse92
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19 Nov 2021, 4:16 pm

You are probably projecting.



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19 Nov 2021, 5:50 pm

Quote:
I'm probably lucky that I'm a short man. I rarely ever sense that a woman is scared of me.


Being tall can be useful in other ways though...



Fnord
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19 Nov 2021, 5:52 pm

Fnord wrote:
Jayo wrote:
Have You Detected Fear In Females Around You?
Only when I have called their petty "My Way or The Highway" bluffs and accepted their "Highway" options.
They seemed to think they were in control over me, because they showed fear when I walked out the door.
Other than this, women have told my wife they think I am "harmless".



kraftiekortie
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20 Nov 2021, 12:35 am

I think I know what you mean lol…..but I can satisfy women in “that” sense, despite being short.