I can't face going back to work

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It's been a week since my mum passed away and I haven't been at work all week. I'm expected back on Monday but to be honest I still don't feel ready. My boyfriend says I should go back, but I could really do with another week to just be at home or with family. I'm going through severe depression right now but feel numb, and I've lost all enthusiasm for the repetitiveness of work. Plus I'll have to walk 2 miles to work if my boyfriend is working and facing the busy streets in the dark is very daunting when you're suffering mentally.

Some say that going back to work is the best thing because it'll distract me, but I work alone doing tasks that are repetitive and monotonous, so I'd just be alone with my thoughts and feel more anxious than what I'd be sitting at home on my own. At least at home I can distract myself from my thoughts with the TV or my story-writing or artwork, or I can go for a short walk in daylight when I want or treat myself to clothes from the store across the street. Also I need to spend a few more days with my family.

Does anyone get what I mean? Going back to work doesn't ease the pain for everyone. I suppose it depends on what your job is. I wish I had a job where I'm more busy and around other people I can talk to and forget my pain, like in a kitchen or a warehouse or even an office with people in and out and chattering going on.

But I'm scared in case I'll be letting the team down if I take another week off. But I just don't really feel like thinking about work at the moment, plus I'm finding it really hard to get myself organised. Grieving is not easy and I have a mixture of contradicting emotions and I just can't think straight.

Hi Joe

I’m sorry to hear of your loss.

My dad died in the summer.

For me work was an escape, but I still took time off plus I only work part time.

You aren’t letting anyone down, bereavement is tough and how it affects each of us is different. If you need more time to feel ready then take it if you possibly can.

I know what you mean, too. I know you were close to your mother.

Could you ask your boss for a few more days off? Sometimes, the boss will give them to you.

Work can be an escape for me.

I've had nearly 2 weeks off and I feel I should go back after the weekend. Most people will say that going back to work will help me, but in my case I don't think it will. I like my job but at the moment it's so repetitive and lonely, and I wish I was doing more complicated tasks with a group of people. But that's not an option, as I am a cleaner and at the moment I'm the only cleaner because the other two are off sick for months. So I don't know how they've coped without me.

Also I'm finding going out in public hard, as I'm very sensitive and I feel vulnerable. I'm thinking of getting a taxi to work for a few weeks, just to avoid the walk. When I walk, there are a lot of busy roads to cross, with fast traffic and aggressive drivers, and I just can't face society at the moment. In public you e got to be something you're not because other people obviously don't know or care what's going on in your life, as long as you're acting normal that's all they care about.

Get a telecommuting job

My job, lot attendant, in a hardware store, doesn't often have to interact with customers.

Customers and coworkers talk too much and too loud. (Noise pollution). While that is not illegal or immoral, it is annoying. Loud music.

I would rather have a job where precious lil "people" didn't talk so much. They usually act like every thought and emotion that goes through their head is the latest greatest scientific invention. Then when I try to say the slightest thing, they have the nerve to grunt "huh" and "what" , like they are the etiquette equivalent of "excuse me"

They rarely have anything so urgent or important to say

I would prefer for them to wear muzzles,


However not everyone feels the same way as me

It's not nice walking in busy traffic or crossing congested roads, so if you can afford it, use a taxi or other alternative (bus, train or a lift with someone). Maybe see how you feel closer to Monday but your boss and colleagues will understand that you're grieving as many of them have been through similar.

That "acting normal" business is why I actually prefer to be non-NT and I learned to appreciate my otherness.

I don't want to use cliches such as "be strong" - rather just take it one day at a time and don't try to rush the grieving process just to please other people. All of us have valid feelings and are humans, not computers.

I know, it's just that I've got to go back to work sometime. I'm just finding it hard to get organised and do things. I've not even dusted or cleaned my apartment for 2 weeks, and it doesn't bother me at all either. I just can't get my head around it. So the thought of sweeping and mopping next week at work is just making me want to crawl into a hole and never come out.

They say everyone grieves differently, and my way of grieving is to get indulged in movies and art projects, in the comfort of my own home. I tell my boss I'll go back the following Monday, but when the weekend looms I find myself dreading it and wanting another week off. I think it's depression, from grieving.

I just can't seem to make my mind up and I'm very indecisive about going back to work. I've emailed my boss saying I will come back tomorrow, but now I'm regretting it. But all weekend I've been wanting to go back to work, right until I emailed my boss, now I don't want to go. But I have no choice now. I can't keep emailing him every hour saying I will then I won't then I will then I won't, you know?

It's the depression that comes with grieving. I haven't even washed my hair in a week. All I want to do is shut myself away. I've seen my family over the weekend and so I've been socialising, and it makes me feel OK at the time but I still don't feel OK within myself. I still want to shut myself away where I feel safe.

I think it's because I like my job but I just can't face getting back to normality. I feel fragile, like I'm going to break down or have a huge panic attack at any time. Last night I thought I was going to go insane with depression, as it felt like the world was closing in on me and I felt all alone and scared, even though I was around my family with music on having a laugh. It only happened for a few minutes but I don't want to get that feeling too often, especially not at work. All I want to be is asleep, where I can see my mum in my dreams.


I feel like I've developed bipolar since my mum passed.

I'm no expert on grief Joe but maybe the routine of working might help you.

The hardest part is taking that first step but it could do you the world of good. I'm also pretty sure you supervisor will understand if your performance isn't quite upto scratch and if you need a bit of an extra break every now and then as well.

I wish you all the very best.